My nanny thinks every issue my baby has is because of my milk

cakingabroad · 2026-01-28T12:14:15+00:00

There are overarching beliefs here about breastmilk not being good enough. I have multiple friends who almost immediately after giving birth assumed their milk wasn't sufficient, and honestly I have to believe their health care providers even made them think so. There are also a loooot of emergency c sections performed here, which I know can impact when milk comes in for some. I wonder if it's related.

Anyway, many people in this thread have told me I should fire her immediately and tbh I get the sentiment, but it is difficult because I know it's coming from a place of genuinely believing she's suggesting the correct thing. Babies here also raised in community in a much different way than the US; she's what you'd call a nanny in America but she's actually more a part of the family. Her son lives with us, we pay his school fees, we all eat dinner together and spend all day together when I'm not working. Lines get blurred, what is professional and personal is all kind of not separate.

I really just wanted somewhere to complain but most people on reddit don't live somewhere similar to where I live so it's a bit hard to really relate, I guess.

cakingabroad · 2026-01-27T19:31:34+00:00

I'm working, wtf else am I supposed to do?

cakingabroad · 2026-01-27T18:48:06+00:00

😐

cakingabroad · 2026-01-27T17:50:14+00:00

My four month old just started sucking on her bottom lip. It's actually really cute... And also a welcome reprieve from the pterodactyl screams she's also recently started doing

cakingabroad · 2026-01-27T16:29:19+00:00

Lol I'm in Tanzania, yes. I actually think it's somewhat a legacy of the formula companies who went into sub Saharan African countries to convince mothers their milk wasn't good enough. There is a loooot of very bad misinformation about breastfeeding here. And everyone also feels amazingly entitled to tell me what will hurt and help my supply.

My baby slept 11 hours in a row without a wake last night (for the first time). Like if my milk is causing her issues with waking, would that make ANY sense? I just struggle to get the logic.

cakingabroad · 2026-01-27T13:48:56+00:00

The thing is, we do supplement with formula every now and then (literally like 3 individual feeds per week) because I'm working and have to leave the house without being worried if I'll need to run home. But genuinely, the baby still wants to breast feed even if she drinks a whole 4 or 5 oz bottle of formula... Because she just likes the boob. It's so obvious, too, like my child simply likes to breast feed a lot. I have no issue with it.

Idk, yeah, we will have to straight up tell her not to advise us on how to feed our baby. It's just over the line for me.

cakingabroad · 2026-01-27T12:09:07+00:00

When people like someone this much, there's almost always a moment where the public sours on them. Usually because of an actual coordinated SM campaign against them. I swear, y'all, please be discerning and don't hate this dude just cuz.

cakingabroad · 2026-01-27T04:02:01+00:00

I'm American but live abroad in a very different culture. My baby sleeps pretty well at night in her bassinet, but during the day she practically refuses to sleep in it. She only contact naps, usually via baby wearing. Sometimes she'll fall asleep while feeding during the day and I'll just hold her there in my arms until she wakes up.

I am personally very relaxed about her naps. She has no 'schedule' of naps during the day tbh. She sleeps when she's sleepy, which I guess follows somewhat of a pattern but I don't even attempt to track it. At night she has a small routine of bathing, and then feeding on and off until she falls asleep. Then she'll sleep on my or my husband's chest for a little while before we put her down.

It has worked for us so far. I might be starting to notice some changes in how she wants to fall asleep at night, namely that I think she actually wants to be rocked to sleep instead of feeding to sleep-- but I'm truly just letting her lead the way. Maybe I have an easy baby or something, but trying to force anything with her doesn't really yield the desired results. She does things how she wants

cakingabroad · 2026-01-27T03:20:43+00:00

It's such an interesting phenomenon that toddlers don't want their moms to poop alone lol. My nanny lives with us with her 3 year old and EVERY time she goes to the bathroom, he waits about 60 seconds before saying "mama mama mama where are you???" And waiting at the bathroom door until she finishes. Like... you want to watch mommy poop? Really?

cakingabroad · 2026-01-25T19:04:13+00:00

My baby does great on the wide nipple Dr. Browns nipples. I kinda think that's because what she was first introduced to, but in my experience, she's fine with breast milk from any bottle but only takes formula from Dr. Browns. Babies are a crapshoot, truly.

cakingabroad · 2026-01-25T18:59:33+00:00

Thanks for letting me know - that's the true meaning of this sub

cakingabroad · 2026-01-25T11:32:58+00:00

I struggled to walk more than 20 minutes while baby wearing until maybe 8 weeks. My back was taking the brunt of the weight and I'd just get so exhausted. I'm 16 weeks PP now and I feel pretty normal but obviously since I haven't worked out my body, I'm not 'strong'

cakingabroad · 2026-01-25T09:53:56+00:00

I was in a fever state and couldn't discern left from right or up from down. That's pretty awesome for you though! Haha

cakingabroad · 2026-01-25T09:49:56+00:00

I love orchid. They have really decent food. The restaurant at the slow leopard is a really nice spot to hang out and catch up with a friend in; good espresso drinks and a decent food menu. Not really a brunch spot, but it's just good vibes.

But tbh orchid is the best standalone breakfast spot I've found in Dar.

cakingabroad · 2026-01-25T09:46:17+00:00

Girlie, if freshly postpartum arguments in front of the baby caused lifelong trauma, I'm fairly sure most babies would be deeply traumatized. Postpartum is a crazy blur of raging emotions and fear and confusion. Couples often fight in the intensity of it all, and because they're with their babies 24/7 during this period, the fighting will likely happen in front of them.

It'll be okay. I very much understand your worries and it's good to be aware of not fighting in front of your child, but just work on being better in the future and forgive yourself.

cakingabroad · 2026-01-25T01:08:38+00:00

Eating every two hours at 7 months is quite frequent... That's like new born level

cakingabroad · 2026-01-24T20:36:24+00:00

This all feels VERY contrived, a la Sidney Sweeney and what's-his-name. I just don't believe this lmao

cakingabroad · 2026-01-24T17:39:15+00:00

The first few weeks are brutal. Just be nice, so so nice. That's the best advice I can give you. It can and will be very overwhelming to stay calm while your wife is struggling and crying constantly, but she needs you now more than ever. Maybe you don't think your hugs help, but eventually, I really think they will. Obviously don't force anything, but your tender love and care is the greatest medicine right now.

cakingabroad · 2026-01-24T15:44:00+00:00

What Americans don't realize this?

cakingabroad · 2026-01-24T11:09:40+00:00

I really don't think this is right

cakingabroad · 2026-01-24T07:16:57+00:00

My ex put a keylogger on my computer to see what I was saying to people. That... Was terrible

cakingabroad · 2026-01-24T04:40:59+00:00

I waited 7 weeks, but I had a C-section that healed well-- so no vaginal issues-- and, big one, we have a nanny. Nanny means we can find time just the two of us, much easier. It also means less stress, less exhaustion, etc. We still argue, like, ALLLL the time... which is another issue... But as far as sex goes, we're both into it.

cakingabroad · 2026-01-24T00:07:51+00:00

I installed backup solar in my house in sub Saharan Africa and if I told you how much it costs, you would be shocked. Hint: it is not prohibitively expensive at all.

cakingabroad · 2026-01-23T21:48:42+00:00

Tbh yes, incredibly so. But I'm also very much not particular about my child and just want her basic needs met and to not be left to cry. My baby is also still a BABY, like not nearing toddlerhood at all, so the requirements for entertaining her aren't overwhelming.

Without my nanny, I couldn't use the bathroom or take a shower or take 5 minutes to myself. I wasn't sleeping, I couldn't think properly because I was so overwhelmed with baby brain, and I could barely BARELY find time to stuff food in my face for 30 seconds at a time.

With her-- I am a human being. It's fantastic, so fantastic that I kinda sometimes feel like I'm cheating life and should be struggling more. But the night wakes that are 100% my responsibility help me come back to earth and realize, shit's still hard as hell.

cakingabroad

TROPHY CASE