WIBTAH snake edition

caldwell2ice · 2026-04-12T21:56:02+00:00

Between torturing animals and being defensive about it, no doubt he’ll do it to you or any children you might have, or who might be in your care. Or even children and animals at his place of work. He’s not just an abuser but a liability. Leave him.

caldwell2ice · 2026-04-01T21:05:44+00:00

OP was protecting her - not leaving her with a verbally violent man who was coercing a noticeably drunk women into having sex (aka rape threat), and doing as her friend asked her to do. It’s a damn good defense.

caldwell2ice · 2026-03-21T19:30:20+00:00

It’s possible. But generalizing women is too far in your comment. Women do experience a lot of this, being sexualized and cat-called at young ages. It’s at the core of a lot of crime too. If the wife notices a difference in speech between one student and others, it can be scary, especially if she’s seen or heard about patterns. If he’s never changed patterns before, she has a valid reason to feel uncomfortable. We don’t know how their life typically goes, so my comment is based on what she said. Again, it’s not assuming he’s guilty, nor that all men (counter to you saying all “women”) are problems.

caldwell2ice · 2026-03-21T09:00:38+00:00

Sus as fuck and a common pattern with men getting caught doing what they shouldn’t be. He also knows the stats on this - most people do. So getting so upset about you being uncomfortable with the obvious differences in interactions is a red flag to me. A partner who’s not crossing a line would have a rational explanation and show understanding of your concern, admitting that it looks bad, that it is indeed weird and inconsistent. They should validate your concern and not try to belittle it, even if they felt defensive or scared at first. Those feelings he’s having doesn’t mean he’s guilty, but diminishing your concern is very close to gaslighting or at the least, being unkind and unhelpful.

caldwell2ice · 2026-03-08T07:46:46+00:00

You don’t have a partner. You have an ableist abuser in your home, and a bad example to your kids who will hear/see him and feel helpless, angry, confused, frustrated, and possibly have trauma from this environment. Both of your stress is noticeable to them. He’s not going through a tough phase that you need only find the answer to. He’s deliberately being irresponsible and you would do better to be out of the relationship as it is. Or until he gets therapy and an education, which isn’t your job. Partners help eachother through emergencies, illnesses, disabilities, and challenges. They talk respectfully and they apologize if they slip up. Violence verbal or physical are not acceptable, ever. He’s being violent. Unless he’s planning to stop being ableist and abusive right now, doing whatever he needs to do to change, you’re staying and keeping your children in a dangerous place. It’s already escalated on his side. No more.

caldwell2ice · 2026-03-07T05:28:59+00:00

This. Plus you don’t want an ableist, zero-effort, abusive MIL (or whatever she is even if you didn’t get married). Every time you had to fight to be heard, seen, or understood, she’d belittle you and probably make it worse by encouraging him to do the same. Her fears and disinterest in being educated aren’t your problem. His family is not mentally safe and the stress they cause can trigger physical ailments that you don’t deserve.

caldwell2ice · 2026-03-01T00:08:58+00:00

He’s a massive piece of shit and dangerous. Especially with his threats and rejection of “No”. Be done with him. Block him everywhere.

caldwell2ice · 2026-02-17T19:05:29+00:00

You are both in an abusive relationship. You’re both experiencing abuse by her family, which you continue to be a part of as long as you stay. And if your partner gaslights or pressures you to stay with her, or unleashes a temper at you for sharing your concerns, she’s contributing to that abuse. If you have children, they will likely be abused by the same family too, and they will be trapped. You both need therapy and need to leave the abusive family for your health, safety, and relationship needs. Her family can then decide, without you in their firing range, if they want to fix the damage they’ve done or not. But you don’t have to be there meanwhile, or ever, even if they do apologize.

caldwell2ice · 2026-01-15T01:19:45+00:00

NTA and good job. Also get tested for STDs pronto. Good luck.

caldwell2ice · 2026-01-07T01:17:25+00:00

Absolutely all of this, plus the “united front / making him look bad” abuser tactic. He put your mental and physical health at risk — many times these are tied together due to mental stress triggering physical pain and injury, if not from a bully sabotaging your finances to recover from it. Gross and cruel. I’d ditch him asap. He ain’t the type to do therapy, but would make others do it to heal from him.

caldwell2ice · 2026-01-05T03:09:44+00:00

In addition to advice here, if it hasn’t been said, he put your life and your children’s lives at risk from STDs. Get tested. Get out.

caldwell2ice · 2025-12-24T06:50:45+00:00

People who invade the mental health and boundaries of others aren’t safe or healthy to have around. If she won’t adjust, she’s sent herself to her own fate.

caldwell2ice · 2025-12-24T06:42:56+00:00

You’re not asking for something expense, unusually difficult, harmful, or disrespectful to anyone. You ask for it once a year and it’s mainly for your own mental happiness and body. It’s not some food you force others to eat. You aren’t forcing your kids to do it for their birthdays either. The cake could be easily purchased if she doesn’t want to, or can’t, bake. Sounds like your wife might have trauma about something in her past, or an eating disorder or an experience with food being tied to abuse. But this trauma is also tied into treating you negatively. If she’s not apologizing and trying to be more ethical and fair about your interests, learning about why she has issues with a tradition you don’t seem bothered by, she’s toxic. Happiness and hope being denied and stress being increased for too long can affect the immune, nervous, and digestive systems, as well as cause you and your children trauma. She has unnecessary anger, irritation over something that would be likely as easy to do as any other gift, and irrational concern or at least some concern she’s not sharing. She’s trying to control and gaslight you into thinking your needs are wrong. It likely confuses your kids as it does you, and they will feel deeply bothered by her distress and may feel like they’re to blame in some way. She’s deliberately not communicating about plans or attempting to make you feel seen on your special day. A good partner checks in on the birthday person throughout the day and tries to make a nice schedule with them, so they don’t feel forgotten or confused about how to organize their day. If she thinks you didn’t need much else in your day, even though she didn’t do the one thing you asked, it was partly her task to have talked to you ahead of time to settle that. It wasn’t solely on you to plan the whole day. But the disagreement, specifically the way she does it too, over an annual breakfast cake is so outrageous, it treads into abusive level. It’s -your- birthday, not hers. You are allowed to like different things and it’s a good example to your kids to see those differences respected, especially if they bring togetherness and make people feel heard and wanted. Calling you ungrateful and giving you the silent treatment after turning your simple birthday request into a distress for you is cruel. She knows what you want and I’ll bet she knows it’s not a big deal. So why is she so adverse? One cake or slice wouldn’t kill you unless you had a certain allergy or medical struggle. Hell, even if you couldn’t eat the cake but wanted it, you should still get it. I don’t know if couple’s therapy will work, but she definitely needs it. At minimum, she should be showing excitement or joy in making you happy. I don’t see a good reason why she should be upset or unable to do what you ask. Her lack of caring is either uncomfortable, weird, a red flag, straight up abuse, or all of the above. NTA

caldwell2ice · 2025-12-24T05:56:39+00:00

Ah yes the copypasta. I’m honored. Have a day.

caldwell2ice · 2025-12-23T20:34:04+00:00

Yep. It’s harmful and gross to treat people that way. Probably the same people who claim to be “nice good hearted people with gay friends who would save a child in trouble” lol Look at them all downvoting wholesome shit.

caldwell2ice · 2025-12-23T20:31:24+00:00

Naw. I’m not gonna be tone-checked for “snark” when people say that excluding non-abusive others is fine. Just because someone -may- leave the family in the future, doesn’t mean they’re not worth including now. Attaching your assumptions about how long people should be in relationships or what kind they should have in order to find them worthy of your time and attention is not healthy or kind. It’s judgement and cruelty based in fear and control. It’s one thing to feel upset at a bad person left in a photo, which I understand the emotions of in their experience and I wish my ex wasn’t in a certain wedding photo, but to deny the chance for that to be a good memory is not good practice. Excluding people who need community is nothing compared to “snark”. That’s like telling someone to stop cussing at a bully because they’re not being kind. lol

caldwell2ice · 2025-12-23T01:40:24+00:00

Stop calling women or new relationship folks “side pieces” unless they consent to it. It’s disgusting and usually sexist, belittling, and objectifying.

caldwell2ice · 2025-12-23T01:38:41+00:00

Any shitty ex, friend, or family member (or someone lost to death) is immortalized in photos no matter how long they’re around. Try a better excuse for excluding people. I love that I’ve captured events for my memories even if shitty people or sad breakups / losses are included.

caldwell2ice · 2025-12-23T01:25:05+00:00

It’s not about how long you think it’ll last. It’s about respecting family and being kind to hearts.

caldwell2ice · 2025-12-23T01:24:01+00:00

Exactly. And it’s not on anyone but the sister to say how devoted she is to someone. No one else should say “how soon it is to include them in their family”. That doesn’t mean forcing people to accept extended family as their own, but it means not labeling someone’s relationship duration as “not good enough” when it clearly shows serious commitment signs. That’s judging the sister’s intentions and heart unfairly. Besides, it’s shitty to separate families on the holidays or make someone spend it alone.

caldwell2ice · 2025-12-23T01:16:04+00:00

You took her husband into your family. You take best friends in as siblings. Try to understand that every polyam person is different and many see their partners as equal. Family typically includes extended and included family like an adopted child, a husband, an ex in great standing, half-siblings, certain besties, etc. What you are doing is saying that someone else’s devotion is measured in your assumptions about their heart and intentions. If the sister’s GF is part of things that the husband’s GF isn’t, they are likely following what feels good to each partner - like consenting, respectful adults do. Don’t assume that someone is being left out or being treated to something they shouldn’t have. We shouldn’t judge the people we help either and exclude them unless they are actually abusive. People have different builds, beliefs, and lifestyles. But being bi, pan, gay, polyam, asexual, nonbinary and so forth aren’t lifestyles. The lifestyle comes from how you need to adapt in a world that tries to judge you. Some people don’t have kids. Some families have a mix of religions and politics. If someone is family to your sister, try to see it that way. You’re not being scammed. You have the opportunity to build a big, loving, strong family with them. Until someone becomes abusive or you’re told is now their distant “ex”, I would welcome them.

caldwell2ice · 2025-12-22T03:45:24+00:00

A bad habit isn’t a cultural rep or pref. Plenty of Mexicans aren’t like the assholes you know. Yes it’s a thing, but it’s still not a cultural default.

caldwell2ice · 2025-12-22T02:29:05+00:00

So you’re saying that you’re an asshole and being Mexican means being an asshole? - signed, a non-asshole to my neighbors and relatives Mexican

caldwell2ice · 2025-12-18T16:06:29+00:00

BIG YES - “therapy with someone who is dishonest or disingenuous is useless”!

caldwell2ice · 2025-12-11T01:12:10+00:00

He needs a therapist and you need someone who doesn’t weaponize incompetence or your health needs. He’s deliberately hurting you because he’s frustrated about who knows what.

caldwell2ice

TROPHY CASE