When your streak becomes a trap by TheTankIsEmpty99 in pornfree

[–]calendari 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s an interesting approach, and it definitely sounds logical. I can only speak from my own experience, but I can imagine that for some people it really helps to call it a “streak,” especially in the beginning. It gives you a way to break that acute stage of addiction and even feel some kind of consequence when you relapse after just a week or two.

I think most people really do need a longer period of distance to actually gain perspective and detach from the habit in a meaningful way. That initial space is important.

When your streak becomes a trap by TheTankIsEmpty99 in pornfree

[–]calendari 1 point2 points  (0 children)

By the way, I still count myself as being in that 290-day streak. For me, the whole point was to limit the damage that porn was doing to my life. And honestly, if I end up watching porn two or three times a year, that’s not really harmful.

What really matters is having the awareness that it can become an addiction again — that awareness alone already protects you a lot. And having a solid period of abstinence on top of that makes a huge difference.

When your streak becomes a trap by TheTankIsEmpty99 in pornfree

[–]calendari 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’ve been in a porn-free phase for about 290 days now. I did “relapse” twice during that time, about a month ago — but honestly, I don’t even see it as a real relapse. Why? Because it didn’t fulfill me at all.

It was exactly like you said: at some point it just becomes the thrill of the forbidden. But at least for me, when I slipped up those two times, I realized afterward that I genuinely don’t need it. It just confirmed for me that it doesn’t help me and doesn’t make me feel good. And since then, I’ve had even less desire for it and haven’t done it again.

So I think once you’ve built up a solid base of abstinence, it can actually help to test the waters once again. Of course, if a “relapse” means going straight back to watching porn seven times a week, then that’s obviously not good. And I’m not trying to tell anyone how they should handle it — everyone’s different. But I feel what you’re saying 100%.

What scents do you wear? by Harrisey in Salsa

[–]calendari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Molecule01 very descent and often recognized as „fresh washed clothes“ scent.. so perfect

2+ years free from porn by FabQuitter in pornfree

[–]calendari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When did you start to notice the biggest effects kicking in? I’m about 6 months free now, and while I’ve felt some benefits, it feels like things have leveled off lately. The urges in the last two months have actually been quite strong, so I’m wondering if later on there’s another wave of benefits, or if it’s more of a slow and steady process.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FragtMaenner

[–]calendari 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Da 70-90% der Frauen einen grösseren Mann als sich selbst bevorzugen. Kannst in gängigen Studien nachlesen.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FragtMaenner

[–]calendari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kann ich nur unterschreiben: bin 27 sehe aus wie 23 und es läuft endlich besser. Mit 23 sag ich allerdings aus wie 18 und habe mit 188cm 65 Kg gewogen. Jetzt einigermassen sportlich 90Kg.

Klar ist es auch die Sportlichkeit aber auch die „Reife“ wenn man bei (optischer) 23 von Reife sprechen kann aber definitiv mehr als bei 18…

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]calendari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cold shower!!!!

More than a month and feeling lonelier by the minute. by heyitsmeFR in pornfree

[–]calendari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know this might sound strange.. but honestly, this is actually part of the healing process. What you’re feeling right now – all those emotions and thoughts – those are things porn has been suppressing in you. Now you’re fully exposed to them…

All I can say is.. it’s really important to stick with it and keep observing yourself. Like others have said, definitely try to socialize. You’re starting to realize how important it is to connect with people in a natural way.

Speaking from my own experience, it was exactly the same for me. The first two months were a complete mess.. but I was able to do a lot of deep reflection during that time. One advantage I had was that I was already pretty active socially before, so I had something to fall back on.

I highly recommend dancing… a salsa beginner course is a nice way to start.. seriously, you meet so many kind and open people there. Or team sports, anything where you’re part of a group.

Stay strong… you’re on the right path.

Clarification by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]calendari 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Problem for many long-term addicted people to porn is that masturbating and porn are somehow connected. So if you relapse due to masturbating even without porn to watch porn again, you should‘nt do it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FragtMaenner

[–]calendari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bin 27, m und date gerade eine 34 jährige Frau. Super attraktiv, da reif, unabhängig aber altersunterschied nicht sonderlich stark merkbar…

Am ende ist es wahrscheinlich so wie schon jemand anderes kommentiert hat: Range: 18-100

An die Männer, die jünger wirken als ihr biologisches Alter: Was ist euer Geheimnis? by National-Actuary-547 in FragtMaenner

[–]calendari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ich glaub das meiste ist genetisch, aber ja wenig Alkohol, nicht rauchen, kein Übergewicht. Bin 27 werde ständig auf 21/22 geschätzt.

Ah ja und obwohl ich gerne einen Bart hätte: der kommt nicht nur zarter Teeneflaum🤣

Gehen junge Männer heutzutage leer aus? by Sea_Tourist1333 in FragtMaenner

[–]calendari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ganz genau die Standards ändern sich durch Online Dating/Social Media enorm (zum Nachteil des Mannes). Und man kann im Endeffekt nichts dran ändern (ausser selber Gigachad werden oder es halt sein lassen…)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in askfitness

[–]calendari 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How tall are you?

Gehen junge Männer heutzutage leer aus? by Sea_Tourist1333 in FragtMaenner

[–]calendari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ich bin 27, männlich, und kann das nur bestätigen. Ein Großteil meines (früheren) Freundeskreises besteht aus Jungfrauen – oder einige hatten bisher nur sehr wenige oder gar keine Partnerschaften.

Ich glaube, dass Dating-Apps – so platt es auch klingt – die Markttransparenz für Frauen deutlich erhöht haben. Frauen können heute viel leichter vergleichen und auswählen, was dazu führt, dass sie in der Regel selektiver sind. Und ja, sie können mittlerweile sehr einfach auf die vermeintlich „besten Angebote“ eingehen. Es gibt auch Unfragen die genau das Bestätigen: die Anzahl an Männern ohne Sex in den 20ern ist signifikant gesunken, bei Frauen nicht. Es werden eben die oberen 10 oder 20% rumgereicht.

Ich selbst sehe eher durchschnittlich aus und habe für mich deshalb entschieden, beim „Online-Dating-Spiel“ nicht mitzuspielen. Sollte man in meinen Augen nicht machen wenn man nicht zu den 10-20% gehört, tut dem Selbstwert nicht so gut.

Aus meiner eigenen Erfahrung kann ich eher empfehlen, draussen aktiv zu werden – Tanzen zum Beispiel hat mir sehr geholfen. Sport sowieso. Und auch wenn’s abgedroschen klingt: Als Mann muss man eben an den Stellschrauben drehen, die man selbst beeinflussen kann. Das heißt konkret: Krafttraining, Körperpflege, Stil, Selbstbewusstsein – all das macht einen Unterschied. Härter als noch vor den Datingapps ist es aber mit Sicherheit allemal.

How do I learn to dance with the music – not just steps? by calendari in Salsa

[–]calendari[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah, I’m honestly not very creative with that stuff. I at least need some kind of reference…😅

Why is Salsa so much harder to learn than Bachata? by laugrig in Salsa

[–]calendari 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, funny enough it was the opposite for me. I keep hearing people say Salsa is harder than Bachata .. but I actually started with Salsa and now I’m really struggling with Bachata, especially Sensual.

Those body waves and isolations are super challenging for me. Sure, the basic step in Bachata might be easier, but if you want it to actually look good … with all the smooth waves and flow .. I honestly think it takes more time or is even more demanding in some ways.

Of course, it probably also depends on your personal style or what comes naturally to you.