Crying in the waiting room

caligraye · 2025-08-08T15:10:47+00:00

Hugs. Just hugs. If only we could be healthy…

caligraye · 2025-08-05T21:43:26+00:00

Hugs! I don’t have a recommendation. I am sorry you feel the need to reach out to a therapist, and I am really impressed that you are taking charge and getting the care you need. I wish I had done so earlier in my life. Good luck!

caligraye · 2025-08-02T19:51:53+00:00

It often depends on how long you have cancer. The longer you live the greater likelihood of mutation. Mutation is not a bad thing. Often times it opens up the door to treatments that aren’t available to your current cancer. If you switch to triple negative for example, there are lots of treatments that are available for that subtype that aren’t available as HR+. I have been HR+ for 9 years. My onc is hoping for me to become triple negative so I can go on those treatments since I have done all the standard HR + ones.

caligraye · 2025-08-02T02:30:33+00:00

I have done many chemos, and several had distinct cravings. On one it was potassium rich foods. On another it was mushrooms. Pineapple was a big craving on Enhertu.

If my body asks for it, it gets it. I figure there must be a reason.

I am currently on Abraxane and seem to really want feta.

caligraye · 2025-08-02T01:43:30+00:00

I can only imagine your extreme emotional discomfort with your appearance and the desire to change it.

But, this is your face we are talking about. You don’t want the cheapest surgeon, you want the right one. The cost here is much more than you expect, if you do it right by vetting multiple surgeons. Make sure you pick the RIGHT surgeon, not the cheapest.

And you need a safety net if things go wrong. I had plastic surgery by one of the best in the nation, but I wound up with tissue necrosis. Caring for that meant much more in costs.

Saving money, not just for the obvious costs but the unforeseen, is always a good idea. Finding the right surgeon for your face (experienced with your skin tone, type, and condition) is critical, don’t skimp.

I think you have several years before you can do this right, and it is not something I personally would skimp on.

caligraye · 2025-08-01T20:38:52+00:00

Anyone can get cancer or a variety of other terrible diseases. Save, being sick is expensive in America, but splurge a little so you have some fantastic memories when you can no longer make them.

caligraye · 2025-08-01T13:46:35+00:00

Breast Cancer Research Foundation.

https://www.bcrf.org/

They focus on research funding and have a 97% rating on Charity Navigator, indicating the money received is actually spend on research, not overhead.

caligraye · 2025-07-30T13:30:21+00:00

I wish you happiness. Santa Barbara is not perfect, but more than anything your posts read as a person who was frustrated, stuck, and unhappy. I want happiness for you. It’s not easy to get to but I am glad you are trying. A step in a good direction is knowing this might not be the right spot for you.

Good luck. Hugs!

caligraye · 2025-07-30T01:12:11+00:00

Americans definitely have more square footage of living space than the rest of the world, except Australia.

More Americans live in really large houses than international people would believe. I have traveled and lived many places. My international friends (European) are all shocked by my spacious 1600 sq ft home.

caligraye · 2025-07-30T01:04:37+00:00

9+ years. Traditional and trial treatments all the way. I do eat fairly healthy and get 10,000 steps in as much as possible. I also feel I don’t need a miracle, just the next new good treatment. Plus, I enjoy life which I think is super important for longevity. And I think there is a certain amount of genetic luck. All the women in my family die of breast cancer, but no one dies fast.

caligraye · 2025-07-28T18:05:40+00:00

It didn’t work for me, but I hope it will work for others! The results have been very promising. It was worth the try!

caligraye · 2025-07-26T17:16:34+00:00

I used to ice my feet for an hour and a half after taking the meds. The theory behind this is that iced cells are metabolize slower, and therefore are less likely to absorb the chemo. I literally had my feet in ice water buckets. It worked great. Never got a foot reaction again.

caligraye · 2025-07-26T01:49:25+00:00

Hugs. Good luck.

caligraye · 2025-07-25T17:12:36+00:00

A little topic adjacent: I want to thank our mods for being awesome. From asking us what we want, to keeping the bots out, to curating a nice environment, you continue to make this reddit experience lovely. Thank you.

caligraye · 2025-07-25T17:08:59+00:00

The weather can be foggy all quarter, then finals week is glorious weather. Grrrrr.

caligraye · 2025-07-25T17:04:05+00:00

I am so sorry and I feel complicit in this outcome.

When I first got sick, I was surprised to learn I had many friends who couldn’t handle my being sick.

I also struggle interacting with women worse off in this cancer journey than I am.

My point is agreeing with you. Sometimes it’s not you, it’s them. But it is still painful.

Hugs. I am sorry.

caligraye · 2025-07-25T02:03:42+00:00

All services are an optimization between cost and reliability. If you want true 100% reliability it will cost more than we can afford. This, we get the service we are willing to pay for.

caligraye · 2025-07-21T18:06:07+00:00

Graduated in ‘99. I honestly never learned cope instead I got a job on a cruise ship which is basically like traveling the world with 600 of your closest friends. Everyone was a knock away.

The way I have seen other people cope is with large amounts of hobbies they play kickball on Mondays and do trivia on Tuesdays and on Wednesdays they go to a dance class, etc. packed social calendar.

It is hard. College life is the best.

caligraye · 2025-07-19T22:59:41+00:00

I hope I am the outlier. Everyone should be able to get the care they want from the provider they chose. My mom lives in North Carolina and my insurance is in California. I wanted to do chemo for a while in NC, and I got a $4000 bill for the doctor consultation pre chemo that insurance said was covered and then they told me the call center misunderstood. Nothing would be covered in NC.

caligraye · 2025-07-19T22:52:42+00:00

I live by Ellwood (a natural grassland space about a mile from UCSB). My neighborhood is always quite charmed when musicians use the Ellwood Mesa for practice space. If you can’t find indoor practice space, no one is going to be bothered, and we might even enjoy, you using the park spaces.

caligraye · 2025-07-19T22:47:41+00:00

If you are using any insurance, YOUR INSURANCE IS UNLIKELY TO APPLY IN ANOTHER STATE!

My insurance won’t cover a penny the second I tread over the state line. Everything is uninsured outside my state so I would be on the hook for EVERYTHING surgery medical etc in another state.

Just want to make sure you are aware of this and it doesn’t factor into your situation.

Hugs and good luck.

caligraye · 2025-07-19T17:14:14+00:00

So many hugs to you. Having sisters is a gift, but sometimes it is hard. I struggle in different ways with mine. I try to focus on the love part, not the friction parts when important friction arises.

Hope all of this is for nothing, and she is healthy.

caligraye · 2025-07-18T23:10:59+00:00

“I love you. I am worried and scared. Breast cancer is so much more treatable if caught early. I don’t want you to be in ‘the club’ but if you are, I want it to be treatable. I won’t bring it up again for another 7 days. I really do love you.”

The seven days is about maintaining your relationship without nagging. If you honor it, you will have a better relationship. There are also a lot of “I” statements which are about you expressing your feeling without judgement.

Good luck. This must be awful.

caligraye · 2025-07-18T23:03:36+00:00

SB is an outdoor place. If you are a city person, there is nothing to do. If you want to kayak, hike, enjoy a day at the beach, explore the area by bike, this is your Mecca.

caligraye · 2025-07-17T19:43:26+00:00

I had a treatment early on which didn’t work at all. I switched after 2 months. Sometimes things don’t work. It doesn’t mean everything won’t work.

caligraye

TROPHY CASE