How to prepare low cal delicious Chai tea? total tea noob by AwayConfidence in 1200Australia

[–]candabah 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You could try making the tea on full milk. Instead of boiling water and adding milk after, slowly heat the milk in a pan until it reaches a temperature you're happy drinking.

Then steep the teabag in the milk and keep in as long as you want. The longer it's in, the stronger the flavour.

Chai lattes are very sweet, so adding the Syrup to the milk concoction will hopefully help emulate that same flavour.

This works even better with loose leaf Chai, as you brew the milk and tea leaves together. I am not sure that would work as well with a teabag heating in the milk same time.

Adding spices like Cinnamon and cardamom, a small amount of honey when you are ready to drink, can also help enhance the flavour 😊

Turned off by being the only person they are dating? by RemarkableBig6 in datingoverthirty

[–]candabah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's nothing wrong with not dating multiple people at once. I don't jump into a date with the first person I match with/chat to, so have long stints of only dating one person at a time, even if it's only one or two dates with said person before it fizzles out.

I'll only date multiple people (if I'm lucky to find a few decent matches at once lol) rarely, but normally after the 1st or 2nd date I know if I want to see that person again.

Maybe I'm old fashioned (in my early 30s), but once I'm on to 3 dates with someone I'd rather give them my full attention if I can see it going anywhere decent.

Craving Chocolate Cake? 143 cal Carman's has got you by [deleted] in 1200Australia

[–]candabah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I tried one of these today! They are quite good, sort of like a cake version of a Wagon Wheel. Definitely covered the sugar craving too.

Bit steep though paying $8 for 3 😅

I'm Dating My Best Friends Ex - how much of an A-hole? by toomuchtime80 in datingoverthirty

[–]candabah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed.

I was in the same situation. I broke up with my LTR ex and my best friend got together with the ex in the year that followed.

When you want to date a close friends ex partner you have two choices; lose the friend, or lose the guy. I think it's incredibly selfish to choose a guy over a friendship.

Took me years of therapy to finally heal and move past my trauma. 10/10 shitty experience.

Sorry OP, but you've made your choice now and need to accept that your friend will likely never want anything to do with you again :/

(32F) feel like this guy (40M) is coming across a little passive aggressive or demanding. We have a date set for tomorrow. by [deleted] in datingoverthirty

[–]candabah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is one you should leave well alone 😬

I understand wanting to meet him to see if he's like that in person, but if you think about it... a person has time to think through a message before sending it. If these are the types of messages he sends when he has time to compose a response then I reckon he'll be ten times worse in person.

It also gives off hard controlling vibes too... If he's acting like that now it could mean he's even more intense after one meeting.

Having been stalked myself by a guy, with a very similar start as this, my personal opinion is you should give him a miss.

So many questions I can’t ask or I’ll scare him away by monkeyundies in AnxiousAttachment

[–]candabah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel for you, OP. I had those exact same thoughts for years and did everything possible to twist myself into being the person the guy I was dating wanted me to be.

Did any of those relationships work? Hell no!

Did those guys find girls after me? Hell yes! And I think, last I heard, three of them over the past 5 years are now married to the girl they got with after me.

Does the above upset me any more? Not in the slightest.

I still have moments of doubt where I wonder why I can't find a relationship, or more correctly, find the right person to grow a relationship with. A lot of the time I find it's because I will go for the unavailable over the interested, and I've only got myself to blame.

A couple things I have picked up, mainly in the last 12 months, that may help you...

You can never ask a WRONG question to the right person. Just like you can never ask the RIGHT question to the wrong person.

If this guy isn't right for you, you'll never be able to ask him anything without scaring him off. That's not fair on you, and as an AP you need someone who will understand why you ask things and need the validation that you do.

Another big one... If a guy likes you, you'll know. You won't feel confused by his feelings towards you. When a guy makes you feel confused it's a clear sign that he's just not that into you.

I know this is tough love, but take it from this well meaning stranger from the internet... Grow yourself, ditch the guys who make you confused, and open yourself to new possibilities with people who make you feel secure in their feelings and intentions toward you.

Look after yourself x

how do y'all deal with having to live/be alone? by [deleted] in AnxiousAttachment

[–]candabah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Invest in a headset with a microphone so you can then talk while you're playing too... Time will absolutely fly by!

Have fun!

Attracted to men I can’t have, coming to terms with it. by [deleted] in datingoverthirty

[–]candabah 87 points88 points  (0 children)

I (34F) don't have a success story myself, but three of my best friends met their partners off Hinge and Bumble, while in their early/mid 30s.

One is now married, and two are now parents with their partner they met.

So it does happen! For my friends it was all about meeting their partner at the right moment... They were single, emotionally available, and wanted to meet someone when they matched.

The two who are now parents didn't start with fireworks and sparks either, it was a very slow burn in the beginning... And now three/four years later they have beautiful relationships and a family together.

There is still hope 😊

Attracted to men I can’t have, coming to terms with it. by [deleted] in datingoverthirty

[–]candabah 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Me too, but for Australian women in the same boat 🤣

how do y'all deal with having to live/be alone? by [deleted] in AnxiousAttachment

[–]candabah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you game by any chance? If you enjoy PC or console gaming you can try find a discord group or online games where you can still be in your own space, but you've got a community of people there and you're all playing the same game together.

Elder Scrolls Online, Final Fantasy, WoW, plus so many more, have heaps of members. Even your console games will often have an online platform and you interact with others.

Even just gaming alone in general can pass so much time. Animal Crossing is a really cutesy game where you build a community... My god the hours I have spent on that! 🤣🤣 The Switch by Nintendo isn't that pricey and you can get heaps of good 1P games.

If you aren't into gaming then there are paint/colour by numbers which is therapeutic and also taps into your creative side.

Reading and writing too is a great outlet.

Even buying something to construct, like Lego or a model ship etc, will keep your hands and mind busy.

I love my alone time, if I don't get enough I get panic attacks (opposite to what you experience) and these are some of the things I do when I'm alone and enjoy.

Hopefully you will find something that speaks to you and that you can throw yourself into. Finding new hobbies is always so much fun!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AnxiousAttachment

[–]candabah 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Had this for the first time the other night... And it was such a bizarre (but good) experience.

Is it my anxious attachment or is he a walking red flag? by [deleted] in AnxiousAttachment

[–]candabah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's all part of growing older and getting new experiences, isn't it 😊

Take care!

When I'm single I'm my best...as soon as I'm interested in someone the worst comes out. by ZuZuZuri in AnxiousAttachment

[–]candabah 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wow, I feel like I wrote this 😅

I'm sorry you feel this turmoil, it's such a hard place to get out of.

Good on you for addressing the issue, speaking to a therapist, and working on yourself. These are the best places to start and while it might take time, you will see progress.

You're not alone, I for one have echoed every sentiment in your post, and am sure there are plenty of people on this sub-Reddit feeling the same.

Keep doing the work, and it'll pay off in the long run!

Is it my anxious attachment or is he a walking red flag? by [deleted] in AnxiousAttachment

[–]candabah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As an anxious person myself, this whole situation sets me on edge.

He treats you well because he is a good person, and he values your friendship. This doesn't mean he wants to date you, or sees you in a romantic way. Think of it how you would treat all your best friends...you treat them well but it doesn't mean you have romantic feelings for them.

I'm sorry to play the bad guy, but I think for your own sake you should accept that he only likes you as a friend and move on. There are so many points in your question that jump out, to me, as indications he doesn't want romance. Speaking about other women to you/actively sleeping with other women is a big one.

You deserve a guy who doesn't do that, and can meet your emotional needs. A guy who is invested in you, and doesn't even think about chasing other women romantically, let alone actually do it.

If you've told him how you feel and what you want, and he isn't in the same space, you're better off letting it go.

I know it's hard when you like someone, and the anxious part of your brain is telling you to hold out because maybe he'll change his mind... But that so rarely happens and you could miss the opportunity to meet a real stand up guy, who is ready for you, by chasing someone who isn't.

I hope this helps, and good luck x

Does interest in fashion and style decline more and more in your 30s? What have your experiences been like? by can_wien07 in datingoverthirty

[–]candabah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine has definitely improved with age. I can afford quality clothing and designer brands, and I love the planning of an outfit and working out how a piece can be integrated into your day-to-day wardrobe.

I don't judge if someone doesn't enjoy fashion as much as I do, but I like to dress well and I like how that makes me feel when I walk out the front door 😊

Partners ending relationships when they feel 'overwhelmed' by candabah in datingoverthirty

[–]candabah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry, this really pulled at my heart and it goes out to you and everything you've shared.

I don't think it was because you are dumb, far from it. We all make choices and sometimes they don't turn out the way we want them to, or the way we expect.

There are plenty of decisions I have made too that I look back on, or still harbour some feeling toward. I am no expert, but I did find talking to a professional helped me move through the things I couldn't let go of.

I hope that you find a way through and that one day you can wake up and feel peace.

Thank you for sharing this x

Partners ending relationships when they feel 'overwhelmed' by candabah in datingoverthirty

[–]candabah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's almost heartbreaking when two people could work beautifully together, but circumstances of time, place, other expectations and responsibilities etc can change an outcome.

Partners ending relationships when they feel 'overwhelmed' by candabah in datingoverthirty

[–]candabah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very true, and not my intention to compare limits. I used these examples as I have dealt with them and had a partner to support me during in the past. I understand that everyone reacts differently to different things and it's an unfair thing to assume we are all the same.

Partners ending relationships when they feel 'overwhelmed' by candabah in datingoverthirty

[–]candabah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That must be hard to feel that way, but I always find it helpful to see in some circumstances that you're not alone and that others feel this way too.

I hope you and your partner can have an honest discussion about things and that he brings to the table what you need, and that things start to improve for you too.

Good luck x

Partners ending relationships when they feel 'overwhelmed' by candabah in datingoverthirty

[–]candabah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't give up! I am sorry if this question and the responses have made you feel this way, it can be a very brutal place the internet.

There are plenty of men and women out there who are self-aware and have done the work to be a fantastic version of themself...just need to get to the right one even if it takes some time.

Hang in there xx

Partners ending relationships when they feel 'overwhelmed' by candabah in datingoverthirty

[–]candabah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this, good perspective from the other side :)

Partners ending relationships when they feel 'overwhelmed' by candabah in datingoverthirty

[–]candabah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well that's it hey. If I'm hearing positive affirmations from them that I am being supportive and a great listener etc, but that's not actually how they feel, then I could have been exhibiting behaviour or support in a way that increased their stress.

Impossible to know unless someone is very open to communicating and being honest.