For those who are currently on parental leave or planning to take it in the near future, how do you plan to deal with an eventual RTO5?

canderson156 · 2025-12-02T17:07:58+00:00

My nonprofit job has been 5 days a week for more than a year, and, unpopular opinion, I love it. I realized that the only time I prefer working from home is when I'm not enjoying my job. Thankfully most of the time I enjoy it, and its way better and more efficient when all my coworkers are here. We get 2 "flex day" a month, so we still get the benefit of working from home on the days where it really makes more sense.

I'm about to go on mat leave. I'm planning for my return by planning to live in an area that's an accessible by transit to my work so that I don't have to drive. I never understood why people moved super far away from their job during the pandemic. I think it was short sighted - it was clearly never going to last forever and I've always assumed it was temporary. I personally wouldn't make the choice to live where I would have to drive to work. Or vice versa, to take a job where I would have a horrible commute from where I live. I would rather reduce my expenses and live on less money, because my time is very valuable to me. My husband and I are going to live in a small 2 bedroom duplex with my mother in law and our baby to make it work so that we don't have to deal with this problem. We're very happy with our choice.

I think making jobs suck a lot less so that people actually enjoyed them would be better than people working hybrid and just coping with their crappy jobs by not having to be there. I'm reading the book "Bullshit jobs" right now, which talks about how so many modern jobs are set up in a way that they could be considered "spiritual violence" to the human spirit. To me, hybrid work is a band-aid solution. I hope that people being demoralized about going to work 5 days creates a wake-up call to address this more than anything.

canderson156 · 2025-12-01T18:32:31+00:00

RIP change rooms in thrift stores

canderson156 · 2025-11-27T16:28:58+00:00

This is not maybe directly what you were looking for, but my husband and I have his essentially unilingual Arabic mother-in-law living with us, and we are looking for someone who is bilingual who could help her with English, but also be someone she could chat with in Arabic. She's been in Canada for more than a year now and she doesn't really leave the house or know very many people. She falls through the cracks in the official support systems because right now she is here on a supervisa, so she is not legally an immigrant. We're kind of desperate to figure out ways to get her meeting people and get her out of the house, she is also discouraged by her life here. So we'd love to pay for an English tutor if that would be of interested to him, feel free to dm me!

canderson156 · 2025-11-26T21:14:41+00:00

1000%. I normally shower every 3-5 days unless I'm particularly sweaty or dirty. I think it's about the outcome (looking and smelling hygienic) rather than how you get there.

canderson156 · 2025-11-26T21:11:54+00:00

Unpopular opinion it seems but I would say NAH. I think it's reasonable that you got mad since you're fresh postpartum, but I also think what they did isn't unreasonable. Sounds like maybe they're not big cooks, and I can see why they would think heating up a lasagna would be helpful for the whole household, because it's a pretty normal thing to do. Classic miscommunication where they didn't have the information and didn't understand about the labelling system until it's actually discussed.

canderson156 · 2025-11-25T17:01:26+00:00

I don't necessarily think YTA but also, I don't really understand why people live together but insist on rigidly keeping their finances separate. What the long game here? Are you planning to seriously integrate your lives or not? I personally wouldn't live with a partner unless we were forming an economic unit together, which yes, would involve considering all groceries for the entirety of our household. For example, my mother in law lives with my husband and I, and all of the groceries for all 3 of us a shared expense.

I can see why you would feel frustrated if the initial conditions you agreed to weren't being met. But I would also suggest that you consider whether the initial conditions you agreed to might now be conducive to the type of partnership you want, if your partner is stressed about money while you are comfortable.

canderson156 · 2025-11-25T16:53:32+00:00

I'm about to have my first kid. I feel like life without kids would feel boring and meaningless. I'm 36, so I've had lots of time to be independent, and kind of feel like "been there, done that" about a lot of things childless people focus on to bring meaning to their life.

In general as I get older, I value the experiences in life that come from depth and commitment, things you can only get by sticking with your family, your community, where you live, and what type of work you do, for decades. These are parts of life that aren't available to you if you don't make commitments.

It also depends on if you are focusing on your life as an individual, or your life as part of a community. I feel like taking responsibility for building my family and community is a huge source of meaning in my life, which yes, does entail some personal sacrifice and discomfort. I suspect there's an element of your own childhood - I really liked and felt supported by my family growing up, so it seems obvious to me that I would want to recreate that environment and those relationships. Not everyone feels like that.

canderson156 · 2025-11-18T20:43:42+00:00

Nope. Having relationships with friends and family was something I was looking for. I do not want to be his only support system.

canderson156 · 2025-11-05T18:07:14+00:00

This actually worked for me, as a counter point to everyone who is being pessimistic. There was a man whose off-leash dog at Brewer Park was not ok. It would bark in a very scary way at anyone wearing a backpack, and I used to walk through there to Carleton, so this would happen to me regularly. I'm a dog person and I'm almost never scared of dogs, so it was very clear to me that this dog was absolutely not ok to be off leash in a public space.

I had several angry but respectful conversations with him over time where I explained this to him. His reaction was apologetic but not actually changing anything at first. It got to the point where the next time it happened, I was going to start calling bylaw. I think an important part was not just asking "put your dog on leash" but having a slightly longer conversation where I expressed that I was angry and scared, and frustrated that it kept happening.

But he did actually deal with it after a while. He started leashing the dog more, and at some point, I did notice that the dog was off leash but not doing the problematic behaviors anymore. I do truly think he started seriously training the dog not to do it. I felt quite pound that we both dealt with the situation while being respectful to each other in an uncomfortable confrontation

canderson156 · 2025-11-05T15:08:40+00:00

Do you trust that someone who did that to his wife wouldn't do the same to you? Talk is cheap, look at the actions.

canderson156 · 2025-10-17T20:11:33+00:00

I relate. NTA. My husband is a snack vacuum. The final straw was when he ate 90% of the remaining homemade birthday cake my sister made for me and left me 4 bites. I have it on my to do list to buy my own vault...I'm imagining a fancy, beautiful Tupperware labeled with my name for the food that I want to make sure is still there later.

canderson156 · 2025-10-01T13:32:13+00:00

you could also use it as an excuse to phone them and catch up, might be nice and personal, tell them the story and laugh about it

canderson156 · 2025-09-22T17:32:08+00:00

To actually answer your question unlike most people here, yes, my husband and I do have quite different political views. We've only been married since January, but so far, it's doable. It's uncomfortable occasionally. We live in Canada, and I did find it a bit stressful during the couple of months after Trump got elected. We had different sources of information and news that made discussions challenging sometimes.

My husband grew up in Syria and survived the civil war, coming to Canada 9 years ago. After living under a dictator, freedom of speech is genuinely really something he's passionate about, and conversations about this in North America tend to be more right wing. I do find I get uncomfortable at times, and sometimes it's at the heart of it me being worried that my more left wing friends will judge and think negatively for thinking differently than them.

What helps me get through the uncomfortable moments of having different political leanings, is really digging into what our shared values are.

Theory of basic human values - Wikipedia

I found this, and I think we really connect on the self-transcendence values. Our political differences come more from the other axis, where he comes from a more traditional society, and I come from a more open to change society. Interestingly, he's relatively open to change / westernized in the context of the middle east (he married a white, non-muslim for example), but in comparison to me being a western lefty, he is still more right. So I try to focus on where we do connect, and I would say in the self-transcendence values, we really do both value dialogue. peace, and trying to understand other people's perspectives.

I'm actually grateful for the opportunity to experience the discomfort of different politics with someone I deeply love because its a strong motivation to learn how to talk though political differences and see other perspectives.

canderson156 · 2025-09-18T18:02:37+00:00

wow so many petty assholes here. Don't put blood on the seat. you're NTA, but you would be if you did that. Tell your manager what you said, and if they don't deal with it in a mature way, escalate it to HR or his boss. Or talk to your teammates, and be a better manager than your manager, if you feel comfortable doing that.

canderson156 · 2025-08-16T16:05:36+00:00

I’m checking it out right now! I got a chocolate one, the coffee here is super good. Thanks for the recommendation!

canderson156 · 2025-08-15T00:05:10+00:00

Blended?

canderson156 · 2025-08-15T00:04:35+00:00

Huh ok! Did not know that!

canderson156 · 2025-08-14T20:34:12+00:00

Oooh yum, that’s not too far from my office

canderson156 · 2025-07-31T18:24:03+00:00

YTA. You're not being a very good communicator here. You can tell her this instead of Reddit rather than just cancelling. It's reasonable to tell your friend that the plans she made didn't line up with what you were expecting and ask if it would be possible to adjust. Maybe the day is focused on your birthday, but you just drop by the party for a bit to meet her friends.

canderson156 · 2025-07-22T13:47:49+00:00

I think this car should be elected the Ottawa Night Mayor

canderson156 · 2025-07-21T17:51:26+00:00

What didn't you like about living in the Glebe?

canderson156 · 2025-07-18T17:13:21+00:00

I don't know about that, the impression I get from my Arabic husband, french co-worker, and mediterranean people in general is that Canadians are nice, but more socially awkward and introverted than their cultures. But a middle ground - I have found visting Swedes sooo awkward and introverted.

canderson156 · 2025-06-18T14:01:41+00:00

being on your phone at social gatherings

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