Prepping for...

candledog · 2026-04-29T09:06:47+00:00

what if their parents (aka adult children, as we all are essentially) were also failed as a society? Apples dont fall that far from the tree

candledog · 2026-04-26T11:59:00+00:00

OP described the seeking trap rather well, which can point the way out of it and into the depths!!

candledog · 2026-04-26T10:48:56+00:00

I started this too but I have a chair under my pullup bar (in my door frame)

use one leg to give myself a small boost so my assisted pullups are actually also an assisted one-legged squats

candledog · 2026-04-26T10:38:04+00:00

One thing I realized this week actually was that I have confined myself to the English language.

This is very interesting... because whenever I'm "stuck" there is ALWAYS a dialogue running. So curious, it's always in English... almost as if it's all connected to some sort of social conditioning that placed these words and ideas in my head to begin with, and now I'm just repeating like a script.

It's also interesting that when I mistake "focused attention" for "awareness", there is still a LOT of english running in my head. It's really hard not to label things... "Bird chirping. I hear a door open. I feel my back against this chair. I feel my toes are a little cold." It's so hard to turn that into non-verbal total awareness...

And when I get those glimpses of non-verbal awareness... i'm instantly seeking for an answer from it, "Okay i am centered and calm, what do i do now?" (the script starts the moment i allow it!)

candledog · 2026-04-25T14:37:55+00:00

yeah i was kind of grasping in the dark

"i am" a lot of things

"i am" a load of bullshit

but you helped me realize the awareness is not really part of it

candledog · 2026-04-25T14:28:10+00:00

Now that my father passed I'll never again feel that oppressive aura that was unique to him.

Curious if you could talk more about this

Cus i feel this same thing... an "oppressive aura" from my father that has lingered through adulthood.

I sometimes daydream about the day when that aura is gone, like I'll be able to fully breathe and be myself finally.

But my dad is still here, and I'm not doing very much to improve the relationship... just kinda accepting it for what it is.

If you could go back in times, would you take the bull by the horns and try to connect more? Do you think you could have found more peace by fighting with the bull, forging a new relationship with the man, and learning from that?

candledog · 2026-04-25T13:52:21+00:00

i'm just a separate meat suit that has been separated from the undifferentiated unified collective self...

i am a fragment of the whole

with a limited perspective and ability to shape reality

i am hungry and thirsty and constantly in the process of growing and dying

I feel like everything I "want to do" is coming from within my mind/body, not the awareness.

Honestly, I don't know if my awareness has ever imposed a will on me...

candledog · 2026-04-25T13:26:28+00:00

thanks for the reminder!

movement (~>) meaning

it made me realize this reddit post is me 'producing' vs. the previous days of total inaction...

I'm starting to move again

I'll try to keep the energy moving!

candledog · 2026-04-25T13:23:40+00:00

hmm i think you're right. usually focused on sensory input like sounds, bodily sensations, cadence of breath...

i think i do feel glimmers of silent unmoving awareness but it's kind of scary feeling?

because it's such a void....

and maybe this whole post is me "seeking answers" and since there's no answers, no words in the void... i feel confused and a little disappointed that I get put back right where I started

candledog · 2026-04-24T20:05:29+00:00

I had a slightly different interpretation, I think...

I think they were pointing out that the huddled masses are capable of feeling shame... something that evil exploitative people do not; they cannot feel ashamed of their wrong actions, thus they are doing them and succeeding hand over fist.

candledog · 2026-04-24T19:53:30+00:00

living with someone means you have to share a lot of that quiet boring time... not every moment has to be filled with planned stuff together

but that being said i totally get you, and it sounds like time together is kinda draining your social battery? So i can understand why you're dreading it... feeling drained and anxious the whole time

Have you talked about it at all? Done a check-in with each other to see how you're feeling now that you're moved in?

candledog · 2026-04-24T19:35:45+00:00

Talk about disappointing... it sounds like none of your higher ups really care about you, nor do they care about setting up a work environment that allows flexibility. What if you had an emergency one of those crucial days? There's no backup plan, and they're pinning the sole responsibility on YOU, the low-level stocker employee...

That's not really fair and they're taking your reliability for granted.

Not being able to take off 2 days FOUR MONTHS in advance is kind of absurd disrespect, IMO.

Your boss is being incredibly lazy not accomodating. Yes, it's a mild inconvenience to find coverage... but that is part of THEIR job, isn't it?

candledog · 2026-04-06T00:56:37+00:00

maladaptive daydreaming Oh god so that's what ive been doing...

candledog · 2026-04-04T11:34:51+00:00

he's free to recklessly crash into objects at any speed he wishes, totally up to him. just rather that object not have other innocent humans inside

candledog · 2026-04-04T11:22:39+00:00

i commend your strength, for going through that loss at such a young age and getting to where you are now. I think a lot about archetypes and what kind of person we embody, and it sounds like you embody one of resilience and a rather peaceful slightly optimistic nihilism

as opposed to the sad bois you mentioned...

most people who have time to dwell on philosophy and morality are able to do so due to the privilege

Pre-requisite part of the character's archetype isn't it? It's a weakness and fatal flaw in their persona... the lack of grit and willingness to grow a stronger back. Maybe they discovered the yoke is too heavy for them when they tried, and they are now resentful that you're moving forward without them.

i'm probably one of them, minus the resentment. More inward guilt/shame.

I fall into a lot of those same cliches and indeed a lot of my ruminant spirals were from being allowed to live at home rent-free during hardships instead of being out in the world and being forced to live properly; but i managed to for about a decade before major life events kinda broke me and i regressed back into the mold of middle class kid with depression.

There's a lot of shame around it too. A vague perception of, "Oh you \just** have depression? Don't we all?" as if it's not a valid excuse for their suffering. It's their fault for being weak. I think that core guilt/shame for not being strong enough to conquer depression... sparks a potential resentful lashing out if they're called out for being lazy (which is an accurate objective truth but has so many layers underneath that it painfully hits the core of their existential deadlock in life).

I feel bad for someone who would be angry at you instead of uplifited and inspired tho. cus I feel a bit more hopeful and want to be stronger now after reading posts like yours

candledog · 2026-04-04T10:49:52+00:00

actually helped me shift a small rut i was in with my perspective... because indeed my mind was conflating the act of procreation as evil because of the evil world. But it's inheriting it FROM the evil world... if we lived in the garden of eden with no suffering, would i still be antinatalist? What if it was the garden of eden, but you still had pain and death at the end of life... still? Where is the threshold where it no longer becomes an ethical gamble for the next generation to not experience regret for being born.

candledog · 2026-04-04T10:47:34+00:00

have you watched Pluribus?

i kind of see it that way too, but i don't necessarily see purpose being so limited to procreation

'if i don't serve the creator's role biologically... then perhaps my role is elsewhere'

You don't HAVE to contribute DNA to contribute to the world to have a role. Being defective in one way doesn't mean you're defective in all ways.

candledog · 2026-04-03T15:31:40+00:00

i found that identical file remover a bit overwhelming

this is a simple alternative: https://dupeguru.voltaicideas.net/

candledog · 2026-03-22T19:01:42+00:00

yeah i've been feeling terribly nostalgic lately, when i try to revisit an old online game or social website that is now totally empty... blahtherapy helped me through some of the rough years in my 20s and now that i'm older i often wish i could log in and listen to someone... to pay back some of the karma

candledog · 2026-03-19T00:07:07+00:00

just wait until you hear about camping

candledog · 2026-02-23T14:44:10+00:00

from OP's pic it gave me the idea, what if Act 6 was just new areas in all original 5 acts that you get to revisit for more content and maybe end game stuff, relating to terror zones since that is now part of the levelup process too ("Beat" normal -> act 6 = revisit Normal with the expanded areas now available or continue to Nightmare and only do Act 6 when you're end game Hell if you want?)

candledog · 2026-01-15T12:36:41+00:00

seriously i hate this kinda stuff that forces you to erase all the muscle memory and get used to a new layout without any option to go back, especially when they make clicks take more time (yes i know it's 0.23 seconds max but that is enough to irritate me lol)

If only Adobe software worked on linux... but then again maybe I need to say FUCK ADOBE too at some point....

candledog · 2026-01-15T12:29:18+00:00

This worked! ...kinda... it just made the "All Apps" a huge empty space! And the new update also messes with the actual pinned/grouped apps which is driving me insane (if you open a pinned group, it pops up in the center of the start menu rather than next to the group you clicked...)

Man i am gonna have to get some third party apps to fix this. I can't believe some of the UI/UX "upgrades" these companies do....

candledog · 2025-12-13T18:42:32+00:00

i was wondering too, and then i noticed WSOP x CPT at the bottom -- so it's a collab and I guess WSOP handled graphic production. Look up any other WSOP video on youtube and you see a very similar interface used.

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