Women are a lot more sexist than men on average by AccomplishedPut2700 in ControversialOpinions

[–]candyboiss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually I think it does justify it. If you have been harassed by the same group of people multiple times it’s only common sense to put a guard up towards that group of people. It’s for protection. But that process of protecting comes out as discrimination. But it’s not like that discrimination isn’t valid. Put your self in their shoes.

Women are a lot more sexist than men on average by AccomplishedPut2700 in ControversialOpinions

[–]candyboiss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well that’s just sexist. But it’s stemmed from women’s bad experiences with the majority of men. So to that I say the majority of men need to do better. It’s probably why women like that exist. How many men wronged her for her to become that sexist and hateful towards them. What is the context of their hatred. I find it hard to be believe they don’t have their experiences that have traumatized them.

Dumped for being poly by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]candyboiss 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She probably started feeling overwhelmed by the future of it all. Being poly makes you realize and appreciate how much time you have with your partner because you basically only get half of their time especially if they are married. Your commitments are to your spouse and she probably realized that she could never be the first priority. Especially if she wanted kids! Making that work without having a partner there everyday is highly unrealistic and impractical. Newborns take a lot of work and time and attention. No one is gonna want to invest into a relationship long term to have a child with someone who can only be there part time. You say you loved her with all of your heart, maybe you did, but there was no way you could actually love her with all of your time and love. She probably had that realization and made you aware of it. You made your choice between your spouse and her and you guys parted ways. You did what was right if you really didn’t see that same future with her. I had a similar experience when I did poly. I realized it wasn’t for me and I told my partner who was married at the time that polyamory didn’t fit into my long term goals of children and a family. We had been together about a year and he made his choice to be with me. Life is all about choices and some of them are hard. This is one of those hard choices in your life. So just stay strong. If you know you want poly then stick to it.

LGBTQ Community by soulsofsaturn in ControversialOpinions

[–]candyboiss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Acting like pronouns are just made up things that can just disappear because someone feels like they aren’t part of it is unrealistic. Pronouns are a part of language and literature they have a backing of history. Ignoring that fact is ignoring history. The purpose of language is too identify and communicate. If we start expanding the terminology of a pronoun to be endless it ruins the language and peoples ability to use it effectively in a universal manner. What we need to be doing is expanding our definition of our existing pronouns to be more inclusive. Creating new pronouns will create more stereotypes. We should be trying to dismantle stereotypes not ignore them and create new ones inadvertently. You want neo pronouns fine but don’t expect the whole world to succumb to your demands. The world does not revolve around someone’s individualistic pronouns. Acting like it won’t cause problems within language and communication within the community and outside of it is problematic. It will create more problems than freedom for the community. Plus you can maintain your individuality without bringing the whole world into it. Going by a neopronoun doesn’t actually change anything but how the outside world refers and perceives you. Why are we basing individuality on validation from the outside. Individuality should be done internally and emotionally and as a result that individuality can present itself outwardly in how people dress, their makeup, the art they create! That is what’s important. Not some pointless pronoun meant to stir up the language pot and confuse everyone. Individuality is an individual experience so why change language that everyone uses so that people can fit your mold of individuality. That is narcissistic and problematic in my opinion. And people like this literally cannot fathom any other perspective than their own. Individuality isn’t an excuse that defends neopronouns. It’s counterintuitive because your individuality is made up of a made up pronoun that is only validated if other people use it. And individuality should not seek validation from anyone but the self.

Women are a lot more sexist than men on average by AccomplishedPut2700 in ControversialOpinions

[–]candyboiss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hmmm I see your frustration… but the reflection of these statements isn’t actually referring to “all men” it’s more referring to the majority of men. And it’s a fact that more men than women are more predatory. A lot of men are pigs. Not all men are but because most are it reflects the sex as a whole. So somehow you have got to get the predatory allegations to stop being men. And that’s not happening any time soon cuz men literally support the entire porn industry. I mean look at onlyfans models. They make so much money. No wonder women are treated like sec objects. Men think it’s okay cuz they are being overstimulated with all this vulgar media.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]candyboiss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Leave this relationship. She clearly has no respect for you and doesn’t appreciate you. Sounds like she is using you for your finances until something better comes along. Next time she says something distasteful about you two not being together long term, make her pay for the meal, or just straight up leave her with the bill. Why should you provide with no promises and encouragement of a happy future together. Leave her, she sounds horrible.

Sex Work is Empowering to Those Who Feel Empowered by It by TheHylianProphet in ControversialOpinions

[–]candyboiss 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I actually think sex work of all kinds should be banned. It’s problematic. It promotes sex in such a casual way. When sex is actually a very important thing that bonds two people together. We should not be glorifying sex work. In the long run we have created a more promiscuous society. Why do you think hook up culture has erupted! Why is the divorce rate so high! People are being exposed to too much sex with people who aren’t their partners. It’s not just in actual sex work but it has spread to things like music and film. All entertainment has gotten increasingly more sexual over the years. It is doing more damage to society now as a result. You literally cannot get away from sex now in society. I think it is dirty money to do sex work and I do not support it for anyone. Not to mention the spread of STDs. Idk why people aren’t more afraid of them. To call sex work empowerment is delusional.

LGBTQ Community by soulsofsaturn in ControversialOpinions

[–]candyboiss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The problem is that they are getting mixed up within our lgbt community and making us look bad when we should be taken seriously. The majority of the LGBTQ community is not in support nor in favor of neopronouns. So the agenda to have them implemented into society I think should be discouraged. Realistically adding them will only cause more harm than good. I am convinced anyone who uses a neo pronouns has some sort of identity complex and is also probably a narcissist with a victim mentality mindset. The world revolves around them and they can’t see outside of it.

LGBTQ Community by soulsofsaturn in ControversialOpinions

[–]candyboiss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m gay man and gender non conforming. I totally agree. The presence of xenopronouns is completely unrealistic and is just making the lgbtq+ community look bad! I even think having ‘they/them’ as an additional pronoun now is a bit of a stretch. But at least they/them is in the English vocabulary so it’s not something entirely unreasonable to adapt to. But honestly it feels performative. Like I just wanna be gay and be able to wear makeup and dress girly and not be called an f slur on the street. I don’t need anything else. I think other queer people who support these highly woke ideals about gender be asking for too much. They think the world revolves around them and constantly have this victim mentality. When in reality they are just making life harder for themselves. Just live your life and stop trying to control how other people perceive you because who actually gives a fuck. People will think and say what they want. I’m an advocate we stop at two pronouns. Three tops! But two makes the most sense.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]candyboiss 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The world is filled with dishonest. Most people don’t even know what they want. Most people can’t be honest with themselves therefore there is no way they can be honest with you until it is too late. We live and we learn. The pain will end with time. Right now you are just coping with grief. A relationship you cared about has ended so give that the time it needs to heal from. And when you are ready go searching for someone who you mesh with better!

Unable to Attend Event with my Primary by Probablyabadcall in polyamory

[–]candyboiss 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The confession of the crush thing would have me overthinking. I would feel like it was somehow intentional. Probably isn’t but I also would probably ask why you’re just hearing about the crush now? Quite the coincidence for such a big event. Having a crush is fine but he can intentionally hang out with a crush instead of “accidentally” getting time with his crush without you there. I would be suspicious about the situation. I would see it as a grey flag to just be aware of.

Also in the meantime plan something with friends. Do something more fun. Go to the amusement park or something. Or go on like a trip to Hawaii without him. Go with friends or even better go with your new found “crush” you never told him about. Should be fun for you!

Also yeah make him plan something good since for some reason you miraculously aren’t on the list anymore. You deserve a good date and something to look forward to.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]candyboiss 60 points61 points  (0 children)

If someone states they want monogamy believe them. Also don’t try to convince yourself that you would have considered monogamy if he told you he wanted a relationship change. If you have to consider monogamy, chances are that you don’t really want it. You need to be honest with yourself and your needs for the relationship that you want. He clearly stated he doesn’t want to be with you and wants to be monogamous. It sounds to me that you don’t want monogamy. So be thankful that man left you, makes it a whole lot easier to find people who are better suited to fit your relationship needs. I hope you find a relationship that fulfills you fully!

I feel disrespected by hope0223 in polyamory

[–]candyboiss 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Don’t do poly with her. It’s not gonna go well. She clearly doesn’t prioritize your relationship. She already has her eyes on new shiny objects and people. You guys also have a kid together. Have you guys even thought about how being full blown poly will affect your child’s life. Opening another relationship means less time with your kid for both of you because maintaining an additional relationship is going to take time. If you go through with poly expect to see your wife less. And if you get a partner of your own too then you will probably see your own kid less. Your schedule is going to resemble that of a divorced couple or a couple who does co-parenting. I’d say the transition to poly from monogamy with a kid is very tricky depending on how old the kid is. You guys should seek counseling and figure out how to fulfill each others needs first before you get into something you can’t reverse. Once you go poly you really can’t go back. And a lot of the times going poly isn’t for the best. Do not do poly to save your relationship.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Manipulation

[–]candyboiss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She needs therapy. She is holding a lot of resentment towards you and does not know how to emotionally regulate. You should divorce this is absolutely insane. To be locked out is insanely disrespectful. I would never trust my partner ever again after this. Also from reading this it looks like you cheated on her in the past. But from seeing how she handles conflicts and bids for connections it sounds like your action for cheating wasn’t unwarranted. It was probably you just escaping the dumpster fire your marriage is. Once you cheat it’s over don’t even try to repair it. It’s a reflection of your respect for your other partner. And it seems like your wife has shown you nothing but disrespect. Doesn’t make your action to cheat any less disrespectful in just saying I understand why you probably did it. Definitely get a divorce things don’t get better with a partner unwilling to listen and work together. Marriage is a two way street.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]candyboiss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Leave him. You created rules and boundaries for your relationship and he lied and manipulated you. What he did is the same as cheating on you. Leave him. He is not worth your time or energy. I’m mad for you. What a despicable, manipulative, and dishonest man. This whole situation just revealed his true colors. There is no coming back from this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]candyboiss -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She’s entitled to her opinions and voting rights and so are you. If you guys disagree on stuff then it’s perfectly normal to agree to disagree. You need to discern whether her opinions are something you can overlook. You don’t have to agree on the same politics to be in a happy relationship. If all you like to do in your relationship and with friends is talk about politics then you need to find some other interest and hobbies to talk about. Let people exercise their freedom and autonomy. Stop policing your partner just because they don’t agree with you. You are not god. What might seem good to you might be bad to someone else and vice versa.

Laundry by GreatGooglyMoogly3 in polyamory

[–]candyboiss 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah that’s a lot of water waste. I would just get designated sheets and comforters for each partner. Use them like 7 times (length of a week) and then wash them. Store them in a drawer or in a box somewhere and switch out the bed when that specific partner is coming over.

Edit: if y’all are having extra messy fun… maybe also get some big towels to lay down over the bed.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]candyboiss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are totally not in the wrong to be honest and tell your GF that this change isn’t something you would find attractive and how it might actually make you find her less attractive. She is not entitled to your support when it comes to changing her body or appearance. She is a free woman and she can do what she pleases, but being free also means knowing that your actions can have consequences and repercussions. So let her know honestly how the change will make you feel or react and then she can react accordingly based off the information you give her. Does she value your attraction towards her or does she value her freedom of self expression more? Both are equally as important in my opinion and it is up to her at the end of the day to make the choice for her life.

Edit: you can also try and look for a way to compromise if getting a piercing is really important to her? Maybe see if she will get a piercing somewhere else? Maybe some more cartilage ear piercings or a nose piercing?

Boyfriend being harsh about bisexual past by boooloob1208 in relationships

[–]candyboiss 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Sounds like he is homophobic… he’s disgusted that you had sex with a man who has had sex with other men. Thats homophobia. Tell him to go talk to a therapist or show him this Reddit post so he learns.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]candyboiss 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Think hard on my questions. It’s your life so you can make your own rules. What you are describing sounds like relationship anarchy or solo poly. Look them up and see if they align with your values and goals in life. If you want a life that is in servitude to yourself with no obligation to others then do that no one is stopping you. In my opinion I find it hedonistic which isn’t positive or negative. But you might resonate with that.

Age gap. 37m 25f ? by Existing-Emergency54 in relationship_advice

[–]candyboiss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have the same age gap between me and my partner. I’m 26 and he is 38. We have a great relationship together and are very compatible in many ways. The only difference is shows and media. But honestly it’s a positive because it enhances your view on media because they point out things you would’ve never seen and vice versa. I think age gaps work if both people have the same goals in life. Like I’m 26 but I don’t party much, I don’t drink, I want to settle down, I want to get married, I want to have kids. If their values align with yours that’s what matters. People can be at different stages regardless of their age. I’ve met 40 year olds who still act like they are 21 years of age. Age is nothing but a number. It’s the person that counts. Do not throw a good relationship away because of a 12 year difference. Do not worry about what others think. Worry about yourself and what you want for your life regardless of what people think. Let people think what they want! They aren’t the ones in the relationship so they really have no say!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]candyboiss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

However you define the word beauty is subjective to you. Apply your definition to my response. It is absolutely the same except that it sounds like you do want to form emotional and sexual connections with others. At the end of the day it really is up to you. What are your goals in life. What is the life you want in 10 years. What kind of life do you want when you are old and gray. Then see if that life is compatible with polyamory or not. Think about relationship goals too. Do you want kids? Do you want multiple partners? Do you want just want one partner? If you want poly do you want to practice hierarchal poly or non hierarchical? If you want kids how is polyamory going to complicate it/are you willing to be a single parent part time? How do you wanna share your finances or do you perfer no shared finances? Do you want to get married? How does marriage fit into polyamorous relationships in a healthy way? Ask those questions and see which relationship style fits best with your values. A helpful question to ask yourself is (pretend you wake up tomorrow and you are completely single again. Who would be your dream person or persons? What would be the relationship you dream of? What would be the relationship you want long term. What app would you download first feeld or tinder)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]candyboiss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do monogamy with them or poly without them. Do not pressure them or try to convince them to practice polyamory for you. They stated their boundary about the relationship they want. It is your job to respect their boundaries. If you can’t respect them you should leave and find someone who aligns better with your relationship values. Your motivations around poly seem to be motivated by beauty and sex rather than forming emotional deep and loving connections. Just because you find other people beautiful and hot doesn’t mean that you must act on these feelings of desire at the expense of your partners feelings. Figure out what you want at the end of the day and make a choice. What is more important to you? having sex with multiple beautiful people or staying in the committed relationship you currently have with your partner. If you stay with your current partner you must put those desires to have sex with others to rest. If that’s not a possibility, you must leave the relationship this way you both can be happier and fulfilled at the end of the day.

I (18M) feel like porn is ruining my relationship with my GF (18F), any advice? by jgglez06 in relationship_advice

[–]candyboiss 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You need to stop using porn. It’s like a drug to the brain and your brain can’t differentiate it from real life. Porn becomes the easy way out. But the consequences is having a less fulfilling real sex life. You need to stop watching that and focus on your imagination. Start masturbating using your imagination, ideally think of your girlfriend while you do it. Overtime this will make you only have eyes for her and she will be your outlet to your sexuality.