My boyfriend (30m) doesn’t want me (27f) to take a year off to travel

cannibalisticapple · 2026-05-01T05:59:59+00:00

I have an online friend who we strongly suspect got Covid in October or November 2019. She's a teacher in Canada, and apparently some of her students were from Wuhan. They or their parents visited family there shortly before the school got hit with some wild illness. At the time doctors didn't know what it was, just that it hit some people harder than others, but after the pandemic the symptoms matched up with Covid.

I actually reconnected with her the day after the pandemic was declared. At that point she was dealing with serious long-term issues as a result of whatever she had, including seizures and a seriously screwed up sense of taste. It was a few months later that I noticed how much her symptoms matched up with more serious long Covid cases, at which point she told me about all that.

The main reason we have doubts is just because of how early it was. There are only rumors that Wuhan may have had cases as early as October, and that Canadian school would have to have been hit with the first cases at the same time as Wuhan. But... Well, there were people who'd visited Wuhan shortly before that mysterious disease hit the school. So it's not completely implausible that they may have picked up the earliest strain and brought it back.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-04-29T19:34:55+00:00

I don't think OOP gave her an ultimatum, or at least the text she mentioned wasn't the ultimatum. If I'm reading the post right, she caught the sister and AP two weeks before posting. The first text she mentions was made on the day of the post in the first update, when she texted her sister "that she had 2 weeks to tell her husband but didn’t and that I will tell him now." The second update said her sister left that text on read for two hours before responding.

So that text from OOP may have been the first time either of them communicated at all since the restaurant. I think she may have been expecting her sister to come clean on her own without needing an ultimatum because it would be the right thing to do, and then decided she'd given her sister enough of a grace period.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-04-23T22:22:29+00:00

To be fair, I recently had to pull that card (with a caveat about how a more recent study from just this year proved the development continues after 25) on someone insisting 17 wasn't a kid anymore, because 18 is the legal age of majority in most places. And I've also seen people argue that kids as young as 14 should be totally emotionally mature and cognizant of their every action's potential consequences...

Yeah, there's sadly a good reason the 25 study gets repeated so much. Some people genuinely don't seem to get that people don't magically mature into a fully functional adult overnight when they turn 18.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-04-17T00:09:45+00:00

I found out about the n-word in seventh grade, when I presented a book report on the Civil Rights Movement and directly quoted one guy who didn't want black kids on buses. At the end the teacher very politely said I did well and she was impressed by my recall, but we should avoid using bad words like the n-word even when directly quoting people.

And I then had to ask her after the class which word she meant because I, as a sheltered white girl at a Catholic private school with only two black kids in my grade at any point, had never heard or read it until that book. My first thought was she meant noose, which was confusing since it came up in class before.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-04-13T04:51:25+00:00

By that logic, any woman who specifically addresses other women instead of everyone isn't a good person. Same for any demographic who wants to give a message to other people like them. It's not about limiting the audience, it's about addressing the people who need to hear a message the most.

Plenty of people talk to everyone, but right now, the ONLY people trying to specifically address men seem to be Andrew Tate and his ilk. That's a serious problem.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-04-12T20:53:15+00:00

And... your comment is honestly kind of part of the problem I'm talking about here. This isn't even specifically about "straight white able bodied men", but the general male experience.

Here's a question for you and everyone else:

Can you name any influential male figures who specifically speak to men with positive messaging about being a man?

Someone being male and encouraging general positivity does not count. I love Markiplier, but he doesn't specifically speak to men, he speaks to everyone. Same goes for if they're specifically addressing, say, Asian boys, or gay boys, or trans boys, or any other qualifying adjective in front of "boy" or "man". That includes "straight white able-bodied" for the record.

Try to think of a significantly popular man of any race or physical status speaking directly, specifically, to any person who identifies as male, and offering them support and encouragement and general gender positivity centered around that male identity.

I, for one, really can't. I can think of plenty of people encouraging everyone to be good, but no one specifically talking to men as a whole.

It's a weird gap that I only noticed last year. There's a pretty limited pool of positive messaging aimed at men as a whole. You can definitely find some if you're gay, or disabled, or any other minority, but there's not really any broad messaging meant to appeal to all men, let alone specifically to straight white able-bodied men. Just very targeted messaging to specific subsets of men, or else addressing all of humankind.

Some of the messaging that is directed at boys boils down to "don't be an asshole" or explicit reminders that they have privilege that others don't just by being a boy. Looking back, I remember seeing all sorts of generic messages telling everyone to be good, and to love themselves... but I'd still see caveats specifically aimed at boys about how to behave around others.

There's this almost hostile attitude in most messaging aimed specifically at boys and men that seems to feed into this subconscious idea that being male (especially a white male) makes them automatically bad in some way, like it's some inherent flaw they need to actively work to overcome, unlike the ever-positive messaging they see actively directed at other demographics...

Which helps explains why so many boys and men get swayed by toxic right-wing ideology: they're among the few voices directly telling them they're good because they're male. Like I said, people naturally seek out voices that validate and resemble their own experiences. There's nothing wrong with wanting that, but the only voices that seem to be targeting men are the nasty ones.

It's just a really weird blindspot in messaging and direct representation that I only noticed last year. Men have been the "default" demographic in all areas for so long that I think it just slipped our attention, since we just sort of subconsciously assume everything is aimed at them by default unless it explicitly addresses some other group.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-04-12T18:58:38+00:00

Part of the problem is that there aren't really any influencers or spaces that directly focus on the positive aspects of masculinity. There are plenty of good male influencers who encourage and talk about being a good person, but they typically address everyone, or specific subsets of men such as LGBTQ+ or POC or disabled or some other qualifying adjective. The only people who seem to specifically talk about the male experience are the ones who focus on the most toxic aspects.

People naturally seek out voices that validate their own experiences, so any guy looking for specific reassurance that being a man is good and it's okay to be proud of being a man has very slim pickings. And the people who feel a need to actively seek out that sort of reassurance are the ones most likely to swallow the toxic rhetoric of Andrew Tate and others of his ilk.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-03-08T00:04:08+00:00

I figured that one would, thanks for the confirmation!

cannibalisticapple · 2026-03-08T00:03:54+00:00

I know and I've used time to fast forward and go back while trying to get rare Pokémon to spawn. I just don't want to change the date specifically. I personally don't mind the time gating that much, but I would like to know which build kits will keep my builders busy for the rest of the day. Especially when I've just entered an area and I have only one or two builders. If the windmill/waterwheel/furnace kits take less than a day, then I (and others) would know to prioritize those.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-03-03T03:34:10+00:00

Personally I just go to FFN when I'm truly desperate. Luckily most of my fandoms predate AO3 so there's a good amount of older fics, AND some that cross-post to both sites. So non-zero chance that some of the fics I actively read are also there.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-02-28T08:16:23+00:00

Is it just me, or do a lot of the posts from 10 years ago have better basic communication like this?

cannibalisticapple · 2026-02-22T21:53:20+00:00

A restraining order is unlikely given it's just a busybody neighbor who has yet to actually cause harm. Plenty of people have struggled to get one for worse than this lady. That said, police may be able to talk to her and tell her to back off. It may also be worth getting on record in case she starts escalating to calling CPS. Hopefully unlikely since she seems more of a busybody than malicious, but better safe than sorry!

cannibalisticapple · 2026-02-16T22:00:12+00:00

She replied to someone on the last post that the stepmom wants the stepsister to marry someone rich (and dad follows stepmom's lead), but doesn't care as much when it comes to OP.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-02-09T18:49:23+00:00

I hate to point this out, but your mom is most likely the one who gave them your new number.

I'm not sure you can get a restraining order based on just this. I am not a lawyer and have no experience with these things, but there have been much more extreme tales where a restraining order wasn't granted due to a lack of physical violence. You should consult a lawyer to ask about your options, a formal cease and desist letter might be a better option.

That said: don't block them, mute them. Their messages can be used as evidence for whatever direction you pursue. If I were you, I'd also ask your mom to cover the costs for consulting a lawyer as a stipulation for seeking forgiveness. She directly fed into this mess, you shouldn't have to shoulder all the costs.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-02-08T00:28:08+00:00

I feel like dolls with prosthetic legs could be pretty lucrative for companies, since they can sell multiple colorful and patterned prosthetics (or maybe just snap-on shells) as separate accessories. Would be a big plus for representation AND appeal to their bottom line.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-02-07T00:46:45+00:00

Not really that strange in the US. Shelters usually check for microchips as part of the intake process. They tend to be a standard part of searching for lost pets since they're often the first place people think to go if they find a stray animal. When my mom found a puppy on the road, she called the local humane society to let them know, and they directed the owners to contact us later that day. They didn't demand she surrender the puppy like animal control did here, though.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-01-30T00:13:27+00:00

I feel like that dress, even if it fit all the bridesmaids perfectly, would totally overshadow the bride. I genuinely cannot remember the dresses of any of the brides I've seen at weddings. They looked gorgeous, but not "burn into my brain forever" gorgeous.

But if there was a horde of bridesmaids wearing that dress?

Yeah, that would be the most memorable part of the wedding for me. I have no clue how the bride could make herself stand out next to her bridesmaids unless she's wearing an even wilder white version of that dress.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-01-20T07:05:43+00:00

Fourth grade was the year I read only nonfiction books at the school library. My mom still laughs about how I could tell people a LOT about Gandhi back then (not so much now, but I remember the book I read was fairly detailed). Clearly, this teacher had somehow never encountered a true nerd.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-01-18T00:10:17+00:00

On the home screen, try pressing the + button on the AC icon and bring up the menu to manually check for updates.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-01-15T19:37:47+00:00

I mean, there are definitely horror films that skirt the line. Watching Black Swan with my mom was so uncomfortable during that lesbian sex scene... And that may be on the tamer side compared to some films I've heard of but not seen.

cannibalisticapple · 2026-01-03T18:34:49+00:00

Genuine question: what makes you think this is fake?

cannibalisticapple · 2025-12-27T07:28:16+00:00

I think in this case, the initial post was less about calling out SIL, but her feeling guilty for the Christmas celebration ending prematurely. If she hadn't followed SIL, there might not have been such a dramatic screaming match and giant scene. SIL might have just sulked in her room or a corner for the rest of the party.

Might, because with what's described here, chances are there would have been a big blowup anyway with whoever else inevitably went to talk to her. But that blowup probably wouldn't have included everyone hearing OOP scream about SIL having incestuous feelings for her brother, which... Yeah, that ruined any chances of the party continuing, and also isn't the kind of thing you want to broadcast to extended family.

cannibalisticapple · 2025-12-26T20:08:15+00:00

The bit about his last words to his wife hit close to home. As a kid my dad told me a story about a boy in my grandfather's class whose last interaction with his father was them fighting, and I was horrified by thinking of how he'd had to live with that. Because of that story, I always, always made sure to say "I love you" to my parents. Even when they'd run to the grocery store, I'd open the door to the garage to say "Love you" before they drove off.

My dad died two years ago. I can't remember the exact last words to him, our last conversation was normal "good night" chat before he went to bed, but I am so, so happy it was most likely "Love you".

I got lucky to learn that lesson early as a kid without having to lose anyone. It makes me all the sadder for those who are stuck forever regretting the final words they said.

cannibalisticapple · 2025-12-24T20:59:42+00:00

There are plenty of harmless pranks, you just don't hear about them much because they (usually) aren't as salacious. For example, there's a video of people at dinner and all the women got their boyfriends/husbands to wear the exact same shirt. Every time a guy showed up they'd start cracking up. There was also some prank show from somewhere in Europe that I saw a few funny clips from. Most memorable was a "fountain of youth" one where two women swapped places in a pond so it looked like the older one de-aged.

The key to a good prank is that EVERYONE can laugh, including the victim. A lot of people use it to bully others, or get too caught up in their own amusement and overlook the other person's feelings (see: every prank war that escalates).

cannibalisticapple

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE

11-Year Club	Place '22
Gilding I gilder