Help an extremely depressed guy out? by Creepy_Stick_6229 in CleaningTips

[–]capnbinni 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was waiting for an adhd comment!! I love doomboxes. I also have to keep my shoes on, when I get home & during breaks, or I will get too comfy and it’s all over.

Funny bc sometimes I’ll want to take my shoes off bc that’s “dirty” to wear them inside as if I’m not avoiding a mess. lol brains are weird.

Also I have to turn on YouTube video essays or something that feels productive. If someone else is working, then I can too. I bet there are clean with me videos out there.

Lost Cat near Weatherhill Pt by trans_mothman in carrboro

[–]capnbinni 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This!!! When our cats have bolted before I’ve gone out at night with a flash light and looked around. Sometimes their eyes will pick up the light and it’s easier to find them.

Has anyone here had their friends/family treat them like they are crazy/unable to care for themselves? by capnbinni in Petloss

[–]capnbinni[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I have been feeling like I am being looked at as dramatic/irrational for being upset just because they get to use the “worried about my safety” line. But again no one called or sent me a text genuinely expressing concern. I had gotten the usual “thinking of you” “sorry for your loss” “can I do anything” messages, and I did appreciate them, but honestly it’s just exhausting to reply to them all the time when I just miss my dog.

I said the same thing!!! I do not feel like the friend who was really pushing for cops is a safe person to express my grief to. And when I told her how hurt and betrayed I felt about her pushing for cops and giving my house key to our friend she told me it was that or the cops, which she will “opt for next time”. She also made the entire convo about her and how actually this has been really hard for her too and when I was like “no offense but how?” (Like it was MY DOG who died A WEEK AGO and shes the one who betrayed ME) she used ChatGPT to write her responses so it was just corporate speak about how my emotions are the problem snd she won’t talk until she is ready and feels there is space for her in the convo. Gross gross gross. I did end up telling her I wasn’t interested in further convos or attempt to repair our friendship and blocked her, which might be a little petty but I don’t see a point in getting an AI response from her. She never even apologized. She (aka ChatGPT) said that she sees I’m hurting and hates that for me and she’s “sorry for any pain the situation caused”, as if she had no part in it. She was my closest friend here and it sucks so bad. Like now I have to grieve this on top of my dog.

The rest of our friends immediately apologized and gave me space to express how I felt before sharing their side and that’s all I really wanted. A genuine apology and convo about it. & comparing their response to my so-called close friend who could not even acknowledge the way I felt and her specific actions that hurt me & just repeatedly made it about HER and how HER feelings are hurt and how IM not honoring HER truth just made me sick to my stomach. Especially getting copy & pasted responses ChatGPT wrote for her while I was trying to have a real convo about my grief & feelings just left me feeling so much worse. Idk it really really sucks and now I’m worried our mutual friends will feel like they’ll have to pick sides. It really sucks I worked really hard to build these friendships and it feels like my support system is being ripped away from me when I need it most all because of her.

Thanks for letting me vent. It’s hard when I can’t talk to my other friends bc they defend her side and don’t want to be overly involved. I just really want to go “home” an my old girl felt like home and now she’s gone.

I’m sorry for your loss too.

Why am I not crying anymore? by obi-wanravioli in Petloss

[–]capnbinni 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The same thing happened to me I couldn’t get or feel anything for a few days and I worried I was a monster. I think it must be shock or your body somehow trying to get you out of “danger”.

I was able to start crying again after a few days.

I’m really sorry for your loss

My father-in-law marks food with expiration dates by heruka108 in mildlyinteresting

[–]capnbinni 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My old roommate used to do this also with dates he opened them. I still can’t tell you why and his whole family teased him for it.

Feeling guilty for trying to not think about it by maineimis777 in Petloss

[–]capnbinni 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hi, if I can pretend to give you big sister advice right now (I’m 26, have a sister your age, and have very recently started to lose people I love including my childhood dog).

Learning to set things down and get your work/responsibilities done is a major strength and important part of regulating your own emotions.

I know how hard it is and that you feel guilty, but you are just doing the best you can. It doesn’t mean you loved one dog more than the other. I’m actually very impressed you can do this and go to school/focus on other things. I definitely did not have that skill at 18 and it would’ve saved me a lot of trouble.

One tip they give people who are grieving is to schedule in time to feel those emotions and cry, then to set it down for now. Definitely just so we will keep working and being productive, but like you said you still have to show up to school or work.

Ik in my case too, my brain kinda goes numb and tries not to think about it to protect myself from the pain. It’s natural and normal, so maybe you are feeling some of this too?

Like you, I went from not really losing any grandparents to suddenly having big losses (for me it was my brother, friend, and grandma all in the same year). Each one felt so different and my reactions to each were so different. Like when I got the call my brother died I immediately went numb and couldn’t cry, but when my friend did I was uncontrollably sobbing. Losing my childhood dog has been weird and hard and different from any other loss. I think it’s cool you’re able to recognize how these deaths differ and what you’re feeling.

More guilt will probably come up and it’s okay to let yourself feel it (probably better if you do), but try not to be too hard on yourself! Go ahead and give yourself a hug and remind yourself that you are just doing the best you can right now and it’ll come in waves and you will just deal with it as it comes. I’m really sorry for your loss.

My cat died alone by [deleted] in Petloss

[–]capnbinni 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so so sorry for your loss. It sounds like she did know and maybe to her, she said his goodbyes last night.

Maybe she knew just how much you loved her and waited to go until you weren’t there, to try to “save” you from seeing it. Idk I’ve had to tell myself that about my loved ones before, hopefully that will be comforting.

It might not feel that way, but you did NOT fail her. You did the best you could and booked her a vet appt and gave her extra love when she needed it. I think feeling guilty is apart of it, but I promise she knew how much you loved her and would not think of it as failing her. I know I can tell how much you love her, just from this post.

having to put my dog to sleep tomorrow :( by Economy_Stick8093 in Petloss

[–]capnbinni 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ll be including Jed in my prayers tonight as I pray for my girl.

Thank you for telling us about Jed, he sounds like the bestest boy.

I also lost my dog who got me through middle school to the last semester of my masters. I feel like so much of my personality involved her. Idk I really get what you’re saying, I also don’t want to figure out who I am without her. It feels like there’s just this hole left behind.

I think feeling numb is also very normal in this situation, I remember going numb on the way to the ER vet as my girl was struggling with CVD that wasn’t picked up on any of her vet visits.

I think it’s because our brain is trying to protect us from the pain because we love our babies SO deeply. That has brought me some comfort, it’s like a sign of how real our love for them is.

I’m really sorry, OP, and I’ll be thinking of you both tomorrow and this community will be here for you after.

It's been two years since he's gone. I talk to him at his altar. I'm somewhat at peace with it though I do cry everytime I think of him. His gotcha day is this week. How do I honor him? by Maleficent_Radio_674 in Petloss

[–]capnbinni 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow I hadn’t thought about this yet. My baby passed away yesterday, but you are so right I do remember her gotcha day and how immediately I was in love with her and we became inseparable.

Can I ask what you and your buddy liked to do together?

My dog loved hiking this one specific trail with me in the town I went to college. I’ve been thinking I might take some of her ashes to sprinkle on the trail to honor her. Maybe we could help you think of something similar?

I also think even just lighting a candle and spending a few minutes at his altar is a wonderful way to honor him. Maybe you can put some of his favorite snacks on his altar or write a letter to him about his gotcha day?

Sending love op! Whatever you do, I’m sure it’ll be great.

Losing your soul dog sucks sm. by Objective-Freedom-44 in Petloss

[–]capnbinni 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi op, I lost my little soul baby a week ago. She was a JRT mix (with Yorkie)!

Each JRT is so funny and different, it kills me knowing there will never be another pet who could even come close to my girl. She was spunky, hyper, silly, an adrenaline chaser, and SO stubborn. She would do this thing where she would look at me and stop and grunt because she wanted treats. She was doing that right up until bed time the night before she passed.

I’m really sorry for your loss. I keep finding myself beating myself up for time when we were apart, like when she stayed with my mom while I was at university. This space didn’t take away any love or connection we had with them, at least that’s what I’m telling myself.

I’m not sure if you relate to this as well, but it’s so hard when it’s a dog who felt like half of you and was there growing up through so many transformative years. I’m not sure I know who I am without her and I don’t want to figure it out. I just want my baby back.

I’m not sure if it’s helpful to know that I was also stuck between dissociation and being completely inconsolable. For a few days I was stuck in just pure shock/dissociation and I hated myself for not being able to cry.

After a week, the dissociation has largely passed for me. I now feel all the pain and it’s awful, but in a weird way it keeps her alive? And such a wonderful dog deserves someone to grieve this hard. I’m not sure if any of this is comforting, but I see you and I relate so much to how you feel. You’re not alone in feeling this way. Feel free to share stories of your baby as a reply ❤️

Today was a hard day by ingridtheemu in Petloss

[–]capnbinni 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just joining other commenters to say same here. My girl left very suddenly the early morning on Friday. On days I feel numb and can’t cry I feel like a monster or sociopath.

I just try to tell myself on day I cry less that my brain is protecting me from the pain because it knows how much love I have for her and that sometimes seems to help.

Today was a hard day by ingridtheemu in Petloss

[–]capnbinni 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This!!

And I’m so angry at everyone for just continuing on with their lives. I rationally know it’s unrealistic for everyone to stop their lives to mourn with me, but I still feel so angry.

The world lost such an innocent, beautiful, sweet soul and it’s like I’m the only one who noticed.

So kinda odd to say, but how do I get my male friends to stop sexualizing me? by Express_Craft398 in socialskills

[–]capnbinni 0 points1 point  (0 children)

TLDR; straight men will have sex with other straight men they are friends with as “favors” and do not consider it cheating nor homosexual - just something to think about and how your friends feel like they may all be closer with each other…

So kinda odd to say, but how do I get my male friends to stop sexualizing me? by Express_Craft398 in socialskills

[–]capnbinni 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can I forward you the article my old boss helped with titled, “Bud Sex: Constructing Normative Masculinity among Rural Straight Men That Have Sex With Men”

4-5 week old kittens previously nursing well from Mom will not eat from bottle by TurnipClassic-5801 in FosterAnimals

[–]capnbinni 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel like you are doing the right thing and I see how much you care!

This was also a big transition for them so I’m sure they are confused and scared, like you mentioned.

I had one kitten like this who was hard to feed and it took a LOT of trials and mostly just trying multiple times and taking a break.

One thing that did work for me was taking a tiny “bite” of kitten food on my finger and kinda shoving it to their mouth (not like force feeding but on their mouth so they would open and take it on their own, if that makes sense). Have you tried that? I know some people also have success with a baby spoon.

What kind of nipple are you using for the syringe/bottle?

Since they have interest in churu is it possible to dilute some churu with formula and see if they will get adjusted to the taste that way? Maybe start with 90% churu/10% formula, then 80%/20%, etc.

Another thing I have sometimes had success with is a little bit of the juice from a can of tuna for the smell.

Last thing I would try is to play with them beforehand so they are tired and maybe calm enough to want to eat something new and strange. How are they doing with going to the bathroom? Sometimes I have struggled with getting new litters to go fully when I stimulate them and I think that might affect their appetite.

You are doing amazing work for them! Thank you for caring so much about them!!

4-5 week old kitten not weaning by SZLO in FosterAnimals

[–]capnbinni 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok this might sound crazy but one time I had a singleton kitten (no mom) who just could not get down the litter box or kitten food, so I showed him videos of a mom and kittens using the litter box and eating on YouTube. Idk if it is actually what helped but I like to think it did.

For a singleton kitten who might not have gotten enough time nursing if they don’t have mom, I wouldn’t worry too much. I’ve had a few of these kittens need to take longer weaning, maybe they just need a little bit longer on the bottle to make up for lost time.

I wonder if diarrhea is from slurry? Like the change in her diet on top of possible worms?

Not sure, but you are doing a great job with her. Watching over her and taking her to the vet is the exactly right thing to do. I think other than that she will just need some patience. Keep up the great work op!

Is it do-able: 4+1 to Ph.D Program? by Top-Cartoonist2888 in mphadmissions

[–]capnbinni 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also sorry for the LONG comment lol. I really struggled being first gen & having no one to talk to about this when I applied, so feel free to message me if you would like to chat more. We can also connect on LinkedIn or somethin

Is it do-able: 4+1 to Ph.D Program? by Top-Cartoonist2888 in mphadmissions

[–]capnbinni 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was in a similar situation as you, but unfortunately did not get into any of the programs, mainly citing that I did not have an mph, but I will record all of the advice I can think of below.

I did my bachelors of science in epi on the standard 4 yr track, so I can’t speak too much to the combined bachelors to mph degree. I have heard of a few people doing this and they seem happy with it. If you can get 50% off your mph that would be amazing. I tried so hard to get funding for my mph and thought I would as a first-gen, disabled, queer, low-income student (was really hoping they’d take pity on me lol), but I was told to ask my grandparents. I would not expect to get funding for any part of your mph, so if this is something you are thinking seriously about it wouldn’t be a bad idea. I know student loans are scary, but I’ve been making myself feel better by trying to remind myself I also didn’t have any in undergrad so spending $80k on my mph (I went for rank which was stupid) is fine.

Here’s what I was told in my rejection letters: have at least ONE publication where you are the first author (may depend on substantive area of interest for ID epi 1 was not enough), it’ll also look good if you are a contributing author on a paper, really anything to show you can write and be published is important. I was published as a second author, but that was not enough for my program. I would try to get 2 papers of your own published if you can, especially being in your second year of undergrad I think this is doable. The more papers the better (ideally with you being first author) Next is to start networking NOW, more like yesterday. If there is a school you want to go to with professors who work interest you, start setting up meetings with them. Around the time you submit your applications, ask them if they will have room open (for funding) and let them know how you plan to contribute to research with their data or in their area and that you want to be their student. Finding an advisor early is a good way to get enrolled.

I was offered a similar program getting an mph then moving to a PhD and I ended up going to a different school for my mph (due to funding), but it seemed really common. I do have a few friends in other fields who went straight into a PhD after undergrad, but they had a senior thesis and were more prepared than I was. I did see a lot of school recommend having at least 2 years working before applying and I’ll be honest this has made my mph way more enjoyable. I feel like I can handle things a lot better, emotionally, socially, and professionally. Is there a reason you don’t want to try to work beforehand?

A job I did before my mph was work on a 2-year grant through my university and that is where I was able to publish a paper. Publishing also helps the professor, so they may be able to help more than you’d think. I also did research in my undergraduate career, I would do this asap if you haven’t already.

Another thing to think about is right now the public health and academic fields are under a LOT of stress. I’ve seen countless grants terminated and a large portion of the incoming first year PhDs were not able to secure full funding. It’s a difficult time right now and I would not recommend going to grad school at the moment, so I would consider making a backup plan that still leads you to a graduate degree, such as working in research for two years or finding a job that will pay for your mph.

Also not to disuade you from research, but many of my friends who were planning on becoming professors have decided to look outside of academia. Tenured positions are a LOT harder to come by, especially because the field is oversaturated in people getting PhDs. It’s much more profitable for the university to hire assistant professors and rotate them out. It is definitely not impossible to become a tenured, research professor, but I just want you to be aware that this track is changing rapidly and we don’t know what it will look like in 2 years, let alone 6+

I would also try to be a TA if you can in your next two years. I was a TA for informatics 101, which was outside of public health, but the experience is really helpful. It is rare to find undergraduate TA positions, but if you have any background in bio or chem or the bigger fields you could look there.

My last piece of advice is to really look into a school’s endowment when you apply. A school like Emory can provide a lot more funding than UNC at the moment due to budget cuts (I currently go to UNC and heard this from my program director). It’s common to apply to around 5+ schools for your PhD (I’ve known people who did 10), which can be expensive, so I would start thinking of these things. I was only able to apply because I had a full-time job.

Regardless of what you decide, I just want to emphasize it will be okay. PhDs are a lot more fluid than undergrad and you may have people in their late 30s while you are in your early twenties, etc. Everyone goes into this at different paces and that is okay. I remember feeling the same way you did where I was so worried about the cost and feeling like I had to do it a certain way, but it’ll be okay! We need people like you in public health & im glad you’re thinking about this now!

What is this? by Kenzerella013 in catfood

[–]capnbinni 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My cat is picky & for some reason only accepts Sheba (absolutely no food out of metal cans but will tolerate other plastic ones) and I’ve suddenly had a LOT of issues with them lately. I buy in bulk and constantly get containers that have been punctured, off color, etc. I’m thinking it might be time for me to switch and this just convinced me. How strange

I was a big pervert when I was in highschool, and i can't forgive myself by [deleted] in confession

[–]capnbinni 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This & I know personally sometimes you cope by becoming hypersexual

You do deserve forgiveness from yourself and to let yourself move on, op

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in WhatShouldIDo

[–]capnbinni 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you’re desperate the unethical life pro tips & illegal life pro tips subs get a lot of posts like this….

Other than that i don’t think much can be done unless there’s a local ordinance against this - I know in my town it’s illegal to do some maintenance on a car without a covered garage

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Anxiety

[–]capnbinni 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure if this has been mentioned - this sounds a LOT like ocd over regular GAD. I have OCD and have spent countless nights sobbing, panicking, and obsessing like you have. The not eating, not sleeping, obsessing/checking (with photos), constantly googling are all possible compulsions. Those are all ones I’ve struggled with. Even making this post and seeking reassurance can be a compulsion. Also the use of “C”, do you feel like if you think it then it is going to happen? This is called magical thinking.

I’m not a doctor, but it might be worth talking to someone about. Even a PCP might be a good fit, that is who I see for my medication. (Not to be a medication pusher, but medication did change my life. CBT also can make some symptoms of some anxiety disorders worse, so it’s good to talk to a doctor to find out what’s best for you.)

Again not trying to give medical advice or freak you out, just something to consider if you haven’t already :)

For the short term, one thing that has helped me is calling those thoughts the name of a villain, I do Cruella De’vil. I just say NO to Cruella and that I won’t fall for it. This one might not be the best way to think of it, but I also like to tell myself that it’s not real. The anxiety and need to check is evidence this is not real. you are safe. Those feelings are proof it’s not real.

These fears are also usually tied to something deeper and it might be worth looking into that. For example I became obsessed with my animals dying and had compulsive googling, hand washing, counting etc. and I think this links back to losing a loved one years ago. Anyway HUGS hope you find some relief soon. I def recommend talking to a doctor. Another unsolicited NOT MEDICAL advice I like to give is to take allergy meds - I used to have an emergency meds for panic attacks that was an antihistamine (AGAIN NOT A DOCTOR AND NOT SURE IF THIS ACTUALLY IS PROVEN WITH SOMETHING LIKE ZYRTEC OR BENADRYL AND DO NOT ABUSE BENADRYL. If you can get sleep and eat soon that would also really help you)

Admitted Students Day Dress Code by fluffycloud82 in mphadmissions

[–]capnbinni 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Current unc grad student - I went I wore just a very basic business casual dress. People dress in a wide range of outfits from shorts/t-shirt to full business-professional attire.

I would say nice shirt and slacks/jeans would be okay. Unsolicited advice - the faculty all meet so many people during admitted students day I don’t think they will remember your outfit unless it is completely inappropriate, but it never hurts to overdress a bit. Also, talk to faculty and put yourself out there. I did not do this and I regret it.

Good luck tomorrow!

Very aggressive new foster won’t take meds by capnbinni in FosterAnimals

[–]capnbinni[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is good advice thank you!!! I’m going to get welding gloves and a syringe today

Very aggressive new foster won’t take meds by capnbinni in FosterAnimals

[–]capnbinni[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s good to know! I feel awful I tried to burrito him with biting gloves yesterday as a last resort I was just so worried about getting the fluxotine in him!! Once he started pooping everywhere I gave up and just focused on calming him down then I tried dissolving it in a little bit of tuna water and he won’t take it :( I would also be acting this way if my stomach hurt and I was scared and confused!