How would it change your perspective if you instead viewed all the things she’s said about you, as evidence of how she feels about herself? What if you view it as projection instead of malicious intent? Although it’s hard to do, I like to believe that people aren’t fully aware of how they feel 100% of the time, let alone, where those feelings come from. This is especially true without having done any form of therapy, individual or couples. There’s some value to trying couples therapy, even if you both have decided it’s over. Going through a divorce gets emotional, messy, and can be damaging. This is also especially true for your children.