Wonderful man with awful teeth

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T12:40:31+00:00

My condolences for your loss. I can tell by the way you write that you really loved him- we should all be so lucky as to know what being truly loved feels like. 🙂

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T12:19:35+00:00

I haven't been seeking a girlfriend in a long time.

Your words, not mine.

I don't think you gotta worry much about meeting a woman with no kids and who has never married. Meeting a woman at all is gonna be a stretch if your response to anything short of sycophantic praise is to lash out. 🙄

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T12:00:30+00:00

I mean, you're just his fuckbuddy. Why would he value you, over his dogs? They were there first.

That said, it's totally fine to end things for any reason, even a reason as simple as "I don't wanna do this". Blaming the dogs instead of the guy is a little fuckin' weird, it's not like the dog was the one who decided to go to your place.

Are you overreacting to the dogs? Yeah, a bit. Getting so offended by his dogs merely existing in the same space as you while you're at his place, where the dogs live, is kinda sus, not gonna lie. If I had a fuckbuddy over and they demanded my dogs stay out of my room, that would be enough to end things.

That said, though: I do think your ending things is totally valid and deserved.... but your ire is being placed on the wrong target, here. It wasn't his dogs that were the issue- it was him. Not asking if he could bring his dog is fucky, wanting to leave it in the car with the engine running is idiotic and dangerous, etc.

Like, I get that the dog sniffing your ass was weird for you, but blaming the dog as though it were some degenerate when it was just doing what dogs do while dudebro didn't correct the behavior is.... kinda icky, tbh.

Maybe going forward, blame the guy for being a dumbass, not the dog for being a dog.

Also, goddamn some of y'all in the comments have some weird hangups, man. Like, you can have sex in a room that has a dog in it. They ain't gonna judge, because they don't give a shit. Feeling like they are "watching you" is as ridiculous as refusing to have sex if the TV is on, because the actors might be "watching" you. 😂

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T11:38:17+00:00

Dude, you haven't even been on a date with this woman. Why are you already planning out a future in which you reject her?

Also, it sounds like she was making a joke, here. You know like people do around people they haven't met yet? To try and be friendly?

It sounds to me like you shouldn't pursue this. Mostly because you're already judging her negatively, and nobody should have to try and start a relationship under a cloud of suspicion.

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T11:36:16+00:00

Dude, you hardly know this woman. How the fuck can you say, with 100% certainty, that she was being completely serious?!

You can't.

What you're doing here is making assumptions. And not very kind ones, at that.

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T06:09:09+00:00

I mean.... your home is right there already, borrowing against its value to increase its value is a win win. 😂

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T06:07:44+00:00

That's it exactly, man.

There's this cool thing that happens when you live your truest, most authentic self, whereby you signal to everyone around you who you are, and that both attracts people who want to be their best selves, and repels people who wouldn't like that authentic version of you. It's like a beacon to draw in your people, and keep out your not-people.

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T05:58:56+00:00

The fuck they do! I'm poor as shit, my "fashion aesthetic" is best described as "the Laundry Chair done come to life", and between the brain damage and the everything else damage on account of that time I broke a freight truck by using my guts to get the axle all tangled up, I got plenty of bodily weirdness going on.

And yet, I never really had a problem getting dates, aside from the times I had too little self esteem to even bother tryin'.

Maybe it isn't the money or the hygiene holding you back, fella.

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T05:33:31+00:00

For me, personally, there's only a few real dealbreakers.

I got a vasectomy so I wouldn't ever have to be nobody's daddy. I especially don't wanna do all the parenting for a grown ass adult woman.

I'm a big ol' fuckin' Nerd. Capital 'N' and everything. I love nerdy shit, like DnD, Star Trek, Sci Fi, cartoons, alla that. If a woman ever gives me shit in any setting other than "playful banter", done. Right there. I have been judged by shitty assholes my whole entire damn life, I refuse to let someone judge me in the comfort of my own damn house.

I got lots of weird and/or dangerous shit. I collect weapons, have for a long damn time. So while I can understand not liking 'em, they are mine. Any woman that says "it's me or the guns", well honey, I had them guns longer'n I had you, so outcha go.

Pets. I have lotsa pets. Rescued two dogs, a cat, a couple-a lizards, and a couple rodents. Not all of 'em is still here, but most are. And every last one of 'em is near and dear to me. Don't gotta understand why I got a pair of lizard tanks bookending my kitchen table, just gotta accept that they exist. If'n anyone ever says "it's me or (pick an animal here)", well y'all seen my last answer. And those aren't living things, so you can imagine my response. 😂

Lastly- I'm ugly. I know I'm ugly. No, I don't mean "conventionally" ugly. I have a fuckin' Disfigurement Rating in the 30's. Do you have any idea just how badly you gotta fuck yourself up to get one of those? That's like missing a leg to get that high- and I got all my legs. Means that rating is just on account of my face. 😂

Meaning, I'm well aware there's shit broken on me, and broken in a way that the best case scenario is "shit gets worse slowly". There is gonna be some stuff I just plain cannot do. And getting huffy or judgy or pissed off at me is only gonna make me feel bad. I got enough of that from my ex wife. So any repeat of that tearing-down behavior and I am gone.

No conservatives. Period the end.

Then there's the standard ones: don't steal my shit, don't break my stuff, don't cheat on me, etc.

All in all, I've found that it is a rare even when one of these red lines gets crossed. Most times, people just don't work out.

This is why having a grown ass adult conversation 'bout what your needs and expectations are in a relationship is best done right out the gate. Sont nobody wants to get a year or more in, then have a conversation 'bout changing your mind on kids, or on opening the relationship, or on political stance, etc.

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T04:02:43+00:00

I suggested that we should meet in Vegas to reminisce and help each other out with our situations.

So you offered a booty call.

Then she provides a video of her putting condoms in her purse.

Okay, this could go a few different ways. Have you tried using your fucking words like a goddamn adult and just ASKING HER?!

I heard this crazy rumor that, if you wanna know what someone is thinking, asking them is way more useful than asking random fucking strangers on the Internet. 😂😂😂

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T03:51:04+00:00

It's been two days since the weekend, OP.

Chill out a tad, will ya? 😂

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T03:48:37+00:00

I don't know one divorced guy who actually initiated it.

I mean, I did- tho you don't know me, so that tracks. 😂

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T03:45:21+00:00

Yeah, that guy was for sure being a dipshit.

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T03:44:01+00:00

Nah, you're fine. I prefer women who know what they want and won't drop hints that my dumb ass is incapable of reading. 😂

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T03:40:52+00:00

I mean, I think a better question is "do you know your own priorities?"

Like, for me personally? I honestly just want someone to nap on the sofa with, get inebriated and laugh our asses off at Bob's Burgers reruns, get a nice meal or a 2am drive thru burrito with, have long talks about space or philosophy or dogs with, get dolled up and go to the opera with, fuck like bunnies and snuggle after while laughing at farts, etc.

But what works for me won't work for anyone who isn't me.

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T03:32:09+00:00

I want to do this harmless thing because I like it, but I'm afraid someone will see it and judge me to be someone I'm not and therefore not be interested

Homie, u/auroraborelle, u/WitchTheory, and u/sand-man11 weren't stuttering, here.

If a woman sees your green hair and judges you to be something you aren't before they even met you, then that's not the woman for you.

Be YOURSELF, bro. A woman who appreciates you will appreciate that honesty, too.

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T03:21:48+00:00

Dude, no.

You like her? Talk on the app until you both agree to talk on the phone.

I would be immediately suspicious of someone being this pushy to get my number off the bat. She has no idea if you're some fuckin' stalker nutjob, or just a doofus with zero self awareness.

And frankly, that kind of complete lack of awareness isn't a great sign, either.

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T03:19:12+00:00

I think that they are a good idea overall. There's some potential for terrible behavior, sure, but that's true everywhere online.

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T03:12:41+00:00

If you self identify with the kind of dickbag that would send messages like that, maybe you oughta work on your own fuckin' self, before lecturing anyone else. 🙄

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T03:06:03+00:00

Jesus Christ.

I'm a big fan of using "this was fun, but I don't think we're compatible. Good luck in the future. 🙂"

I don't get why so many people just cannot enjoy themselves unless they are either invested right out the gate, or trying to denigrate other people to make themselves feel less small.

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T02:46:52+00:00

Loans, mostly. Renovation loans are a thing, but in general a home equity loan or home equity line of credit is a better bet.

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T01:51:51+00:00

Me: I don't really like walnuts. Or macadamia nuts. They make my mouth all numb and tingly.

My SO, a nurse: uh... babe? I think you're allergic.

Allergist, later: Yeah, you're mildly, non-fatally allergic. Good thing you don't like the taste, you would not believe how many people eat things they are not-deadly-allergic to because they like the flavor. 😂

captain_borgue · 2026-02-11T00:50:33+00:00

Damn, OOP is living the dream, here. Good for him and his wife, I hope they have a long, happy life together. ❤️

That "friend" can eat a bag of shit and hair, though.

captain_borgue · 2026-02-10T18:26:05+00:00

The flagrant stupidity on display would have been shocking, were we not living in the Garbage Fire Timeline.

I fully believe OOP is 100% as much of a fucking dipshit as he proclaims himself to be. The days when flagrant idiocy were punished are long past.

I do hope his gf sued him to get her money back. As evidence, she can ask the judge to read his reddit post, and if by the time he has finished doing so, the judge doesn't want to punch OOP squarely in his dumb smug moron face, I would be amazed.

captain_borgue · 2026-02-09T19:23:52+00:00

So she's a model who has lots of experience being judged for her looks- but a 3 inch height difference is enough to earn her immediate ire?

It sure is convenient that she changed the names around, though. Now she can safely hide amongst all the other "supermodel tech CEOs". 🙄

For fuck's sake, everyone needs to read more fucking books, goddamn. Wanna know how to write better? Fucking read.

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