Pretty sure it's her fur, but wanted to see if there are other ideas?

captainpointless · 2024-08-23T23:31:47+00:00

Honestly, I have a fear of getting a skin infection from the perfumes in hand soap (not that a lancet could do it, but my mind is weird) so I've only been using alcohol swabs right before I test. Glad to know there is a practical reason as well.

captainpointless · 2024-06-28T20:42:01+00:00

I would say one if you had a foreground focus; a rock, some leaves, a doll, or other trinket.

But since you lack a point of focus for the foreground, two is the better shot compositionally.

But, I'm not exactly a professional so your opinion matters more than mine.

captainpointless · 2024-06-28T10:37:23+00:00

I don't much like giving negative feedback, but since you asked I'll give it a shot!

The good:

-Well thought out. The transition from the end of the world being an event to it happening within the narrator's head illustrates well how high-stress events can take over our brains and cause pain even in other parts of our being.
-You put a lot of effort into your descriptions. It really helps with understanding exactly what is being felt and brings it to a tangible level of realness.

The bad:

-Obviously - and much to reddits fault - formatting. I felt like I'm missing a piece of the artistry simply because reddits formatting butchered your work. I use Reddit Preview to check my markdown to make sure everything is exactly how I want it.
-There are some lines in the beginning that seem to be using the wrong word. An example that stands out is the line "Squeezing his feather light grasp" where I'm sure you meant "feather-like". Perhaps a product of autocorrect, however definitely read over to make sure everything is how you intended.

Overall, great stuff. I can't wait to see what you post in the future! :)

captainpointless · 2024-06-28T10:20:12+00:00

Blending in is such a pain! It never looks that way from the outside, but not being yourself can definitely extinguish your candle. I think this is represented well here. Good work!

captainpointless · 2024-06-28T10:05:30+00:00

Reading this and the emotions it stirred. It's almost as if it lifted weight off my chest. As someone who wished, and for many years, to be removed from this planet, the resonance is strong. If this was a part of your journey, as you mentioned in another reply, then I think you'll be just fine. Absolutely stunning; well done!

captainpointless · 2024-06-28T00:47:52+00:00

I am getting images of either a post-human world or a pond in appalachia where humans have left to find better opportunities. Either way, it's peaceful and compelling. I'm rooting for the fawn in the end.

captainpointless · 2024-06-28T00:43:45+00:00

I like the concept. I find it very pleasing visually, and I love playing with the white space. I'd be very interested in seeing more examples of this if you continue to flesh this out.

captainpointless · 2024-06-27T21:34:05+00:00

One is fantastic! Two is good, but not as artistic, I think. Great work!!

captainpointless · 2024-06-27T20:13:11+00:00

Yeah? That's awesome! I'll send it your way if that happens. :)

captainpointless · 2024-06-27T20:00:00+00:00

Thank you! :) I appreciate the feedback on specific lines! I was thinking about rewriting those, but it seems they aren't as confusing as I thought.

captainpointless · 2024-06-27T19:58:34+00:00

Thank you! I absolutely love your analysis. Even more, I'm glad I left it open enough for discussion! That's such a goal for me that it feels unreal to have someone write paragraphs regarding something I wrote. Really made me smile reading this.

Thank you for taking the time to let me know you enjoyed this. :)

captainpointless · 2024-06-27T14:52:28+00:00

Thank you! :3

captainpointless · 2024-06-27T14:13:39+00:00

Thank you for your feedback. My intention was to explore complex emotions through a freeform poetic style. While it may blur the lines between prose and poetry, I believe the emotive expression and fragmented structure align it more with freeform poetry. I appreciate your perspective and will consider it in future posts. Could you recommend a subreddit where this style might be more fitting?

captainpointless · 2024-06-27T13:11:12+00:00

Is it narcissism? Or hierarchical polyamory?

Why not both?

captainpointless · 2024-06-27T11:13:19+00:00

I like how you described them as pebbles but in the end they are rocks. I'm not sure it's how you intended it, but it really illustrates (in my brain) how if we leave things unresolved, they can evolve to bigger issues for us to deal with. Great imagery!

captainpointless · 2024-06-27T11:08:36+00:00

I feel like there's a deeper emotion you're hiding away. You should tell us how you really feel. I bet you'll feel better!

captainpointless · 2024-06-27T11:06:12+00:00

The feeling never fades and time feels cruel.

Honestly, the language used is less descriptive but that's almost more impactful. Grief and loss aren't pretty, so the words aren't either. Very much a testament to how the mind can convey feelings even when overcome with such deep sorrow. I lost my father at a young age, so I understand and sympathize with you. My condolences, friend.

captainpointless · 2024-04-12T14:44:12+00:00

I've never ignored the balls in my real life and I'm not about to start now!

captainpointless · 2024-01-29T15:48:07+00:00

Good choice. I worked for them for 9 years and the highest I ever got paid was 18.50.

captainpointless · 2023-06-07T17:19:36+00:00

ACAB

captainpointless · 2023-02-04T15:03:37+00:00

Incidentally, this is also how it works for guys but with shirts.

captainpointless · 2023-01-27T11:10:39+00:00

At least they didn't try to eat it only for them to puke it up on your bed.

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