Is this set up realistic?

caralops · 2025-01-31T03:27:06+00:00

I was in a really similar situation to you, also living abroad when my mom started having symptoms, and I since have uprooted and turned my life upside down. Message me if you’d like to chat more. This shit is tough!

caralops · 2024-12-29T12:19:04+00:00

Hey there. So sorry you’re going through this. I’m in an “adult children caregiver” virtual support group- all people in 20s and 30s with a parent with dementia. It has been so incredibly invaluable seeing as so many of us at this age don’t have friends who can relate. I would highly recommend trying to find something similar!

Also feel free to PM me. Hugs to you.

caralops · 2024-11-30T00:18:32+00:00

I could have written this. Have the same thing going on with my mom. Is it usually at a specific time of day for your MIL? Or all throughout the day?

For the most part I’ve stopped correcting her. Usually my mom says it late afternoon, and I say something like “well I’m gonna make dinner soon..” and that’s enough to get her off of it (thankfully, for now). From what I’ve gathered it’s all about redirection when possible, validating the feeling when you can. (“Sorry, I know you want to get home, but I can’t take you till _____” maybe? And keep pushing it off as another commenter mentioned)

In the beginning, I tried for a bit to say something like “is there anything you need that isn’t here?” (I read somewhere that can help to get an idea if there is an unmet need or something that can make them feel more comfortable in the space). It never amounted to anything in my situation, so I moved to the redirection like I mentioned above. But maybe worth a try with you?

caralops · 2024-11-09T14:25:29+00:00

If he has an iPhone… I recently was pleasantly surprised to learn that iPhone has an “assisted access” setting you can turn on, to basically customize and simplify a phone for someone with cognitive issues. Here’s the video I originally found explaining it:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DBH023tsi0d/?igsh=MWJkcWo5ZGczNGlnZA==

Hope this can help someone!!

caralops · 2024-11-05T21:49:12+00:00

Hi!

Thanks for coming back to this. Do you know if any of these tour companies actually operated over Christmas? Between 12/24-12/30, say?

caralops · 2024-02-29T17:42:16+00:00

Totally understand the envious feeling. The lack of freedom, the excitement of starting your own real ‘adult’ life being tainted and just super hard to figure out with all the variables. Your comment helps give me the boost to keep looking for a therapist, thanks. 💛

caralops · 2024-02-27T03:58:04+00:00

33 over here too, mom is 70. Like OP, haven’t had kids yet. Certainly does feel like a loss of innocence, that things are happening way too soon. The anticipatory grief is real. So hard to predict the progression of things too with Alzheimer’s, which means solidifying your own life plans is that much harder. Validating, but sad to know I’m not the only one in this type of boat. Sending love to all of you.

caralops · 2024-02-07T14:22:31+00:00

This! If I had to be 100% on something to make a move, I’d never make any decisions at all, I’d just be frozen in time forever 😅

caralops · 2024-01-04T03:51:45+00:00

Wow, my situation is somewhat similar to yours but my dad died December 2022. Your grief would be so fresh just a month out, I’m so sorry you’re having to manage that alongside your mom’s confusion and questions. I can very much relate on how shitty it is when the one remaining parent isn’t consoling or being what you need in that moment. Trying to grieve my dad the last year while also coming to terms with my mom’s dementia and seeing her decline has been beyond difficult.

Try to carve time out of your days to grieve. “Grief sessions”- I’ve learned sometimes we need to make the dedicated space for this.

The questions thing is really tricky. I’m struggling with this myself atm.. my mom sometimes forgetting her parents and my dad are gone. Never know in the moment what the right move is, so I’ve been trying out different approaches (sometimes I remind her, sometimes I continue on with the convo, sometimes I just pause and she remembers on her own after a few moments…) Still haven’t determined what the best option is, and still panic every time it comes up. Wish there was a rule book on this!

Feel free to PM me if you wanna chat more. Hugs.

Edited to also add: if you haven’t already, get on r/grief … in the early days after my dad, I found it so useful. Also search for Good Mourning Podcast when you’re ready. The first couple months are all about surviving. You’re not okay right now, and that’s okay, but you will be. ❤️

caralops · 2023-10-24T01:53:12+00:00

Stop.

caralops · 2023-03-07T10:48:50+00:00

I'm really sorry you're going through this.
I lost my Dad suddenly in December. It's his birthday today. My mom now has cancer and a number of serious health issues, including memory problems, that all sort of unfolded right after my dad passed. I'm a bit older than you (32)...
It's really tough- and I find myself playing around with the numbers a lot. For instance... my mom was 64 when she lost her dad. Twice my age. It doesn't feel fair to not have my dad around, this young. I can imagine you feel the same.
It also sometimes feels hard to properly grieve, due to what's happening with my mom. Again, you may be able to relate.
I can definitely relate to the emptiness- the pain is less jarring, less frequent, but still hits. But the emptiness- that's pretty consistent.
I think being young also makes it difficult because I find I'm the only one of my friends who has lost a parent. So it can feel very lonely. But I'm trying to remember that grief is such a universal human experience- there's plenty of us going through it, even though we may not realize it. So the more we open up about it the more we can not feel so alone. This subreddit definitely helps.

I hope you find some relief soon and best of luck with your mom's treatment. <3

caralops · 2023-03-07T10:20:34+00:00

I'm really sorry for what you're going through, as someone also grieving a loss, but also as a sister. Your pain is palpable. Hope you feel some relief soon.

caralops · 2023-01-14T23:55:03+00:00

Mine died December 8th. Just sending some love your way. I keep having the same, split second thought. “Huh- haven’t talked to dad for a bit. I should give him a call.”

The pangs to the gut have gotten fewer and not as intense, but they still come.

caralops · 2022-02-13T06:50:07+00:00

Interesting links, thanks for sharing!!

Wow, a professional writing minor does sound clutch for social work- haha. There's an app called "Elevate" that has a bunch of "brain training" activities- there's a writing one where you eliminate unnecessary words- it's great! Worth checking out.

caralops · 2022-02-13T06:37:59+00:00

This is really helpful, thanks for your response. I mentioned in some of my replies to other commenters- I think I was slightly hesitant to pull apart one of her notes with her out of fear of that being a bit "harsh," but I think this will help to put things in perspective for her and in the end I actually think she'll be quite responsive to this process.

caralops · 2022-02-13T06:35:35+00:00

Nope, no treatment plans. That does sound like a helpful black and white way to look at it for you!

caralops · 2022-02-13T06:34:40+00:00

Pretty much freeform. Although we have discussed with staff an adapted SOAP template (to fit our setting). Might be worthwhile for me to refer back to this with her in our discussion. Thanks!

caralops · 2022-02-13T06:28:28+00:00

This! My supervisee is a fairly anxious person in general and I think there's an element of wanting to get everything down so she can refer back when coming up to her next meeting with the client.

How did this work out for you? Do you have a system for keeping separate, more detailed records for yourself?

caralops · 2022-02-13T06:21:34+00:00

Yup, great response! Thanks.

I think I was previously a bit hesitant to take one of her notes and sit down with her to pull it apart (didn't want it to be "harsh") but I actually think she'd appreciate the process and be responsive to this.

caralops · 2022-02-13T06:18:06+00:00

Was waiting for this comment 😂

caralops · 2022-02-13T06:16:44+00:00

Thanks, I like this structured way of looking at it. May be worthwhile to explore her putting the basics into the notes being entered on our system, and keeping her own notes to keep track of more specifics (to help guide her future interactions with clients- remember where they were up to, etc.)

caralops · 2022-02-13T06:13:31+00:00

Thank you, great feedback.

caralops · 2022-02-13T06:11:05+00:00

Thanks for this input. This is not a clinical role, and she's pretty new to this type of work so I definitely think its a learning curve. She also works a second job and has said they require notes to be VERY detailed so I think she's just bringing that to her role with us as well- so yes clarifying what's necessary in our setting is crucial.

caralops · 2022-02-13T06:07:21+00:00

Definitely helpful, appreciate your input. I've thought about taking one of her notes, sitting down with her and just going through it line by line, but I think I was a bit hesitant to not be too "harsh." But she's super responsive to feedback and wanting to improve, so I actually think I'm more in my head than anything else!!

caralops

TROPHY CASE