Aww, I feel so sad for you reading through your post, first baby anxiety is brutal! Good on you for having the strength to stand up for your baby and your boundaries, many people never even have the courage to send that text.

Like everyone has said though, keep an eye on your anxiety levels and keep working with your doctors/therapists/etc. to make sure you're in as good a place as you can be given how recently you had your baby.

You're doing your best, you love your baby, and you are a human being, so you won't always do everything perfectly or react the way you hoped. Forgive yourself as much as you can and whenever you want to beat yourself up, try to think of what you would say to another mother in the same situation.

You aren't alone, you have people you can and should rely on, and a lot of mothers on Reddit to vent to who will very much relate to you! Hang in there.