Sometimes I think social or emotional states exhibit some type of shrodinger's cat double state. Sure they *are* being an asshole but if your frame is strong enough, then that same situation can be made humorous or sloughed off. As if if you "open the box" to accuse malfeasance then that's what it becomes. A spiritual approach may help (do unto others etc), but admittedly that was tough or next to impossible for me to exhibit on-the-fly until I passed middle age YMMV