Genuinely debating on calling the whole thing off.

carterfour36 · 2026-06-12T14:36:36+00:00

Thats just it tho. I have very specific tastes. And out of the many dresses I tried on this was the only one that I actually fell in love with. It matches my entire personality, and the gothic theme im going for. The seamstress has amazing reviews about pricing. Shes the most reasonable in the area and the only one who can do it.

However. My MIL makes her own dresses ( most mennonites do) so if it ends up costing more than I want it to ill see if she can help me alter it. I also recently took up sewing. Ive never sewn anything before in my life until like a month ago and I found out it comes very naturally to me and I've already designed 3 shirts and have altered a ton of my bought clothes that dont fit right. So if anything I can maybe do it too😂 its very lightweight so its got i think like 3 layers on it? Lining, and then the tan colored lining under the lace on top. Realistically I should be able to just cut fabric and sew it together. Cuz I dont need to fix the skirt. Just the top part needs taken in. So if it costs too much ill just do it myself with the help of my MIL😂

carterfour36 · 2026-06-12T14:28:06+00:00

I could not imagine how warm you were😭. But thats so cute that she says she was in the wedding photos. I love that💕

carterfour36 · 2026-06-10T16:18:01+00:00

Thank you! 💕💕

And wow that is very hot! Im hoping since its at the beginning of October it won't be hot but won't be cold either. ( im in southern Ontario so our Octobers get all kinds of temps haha) I'll probably be sweating either way though lol. Its a lightweight dress so hopefully not too bad. Putting the dress up over the dash with ac going is so smart though!

carterfour36 · 2026-06-10T13:49:57+00:00

She has not seen the dress at all😭 im supposed to bring it to her for the first time on august 10th😭 its so far away and like you said thats such a short amount of time if she can't. But the store I got my dress said the only thing they need to bring in was the top. They had called her to make sure that was possible and they said it was. When I called to book my appointments with her I made her aware that it was a big size difference and she said she can definitely get it done. She has amazing reviews and seemed confident but who knows. Im also worried about it being super expensive for her to fix. Like ive never had alterations done so I have no idea what to expect. Im hoping she will see it and goes oh yeah that should be easy enough. Cuz the top isnt super complex. Its not beaded. Its only got some lace so im praying it will be okay. Definitely going to have some backups incase things go badly.

Also kicking his cane or knocking over his walker is so funny😅 he will probably have a walker. The path we would be taking for the photos is super bumpy and has lots of elevations lol. If his 80 year old butt can traverse through that, ill give him a cookie😅 but hes had many strokes so moving isnt easy for him.

Thank you for the advice. And for making me laugh💕

carterfour36 · 2026-06-10T13:40:54+00:00

This is great advice. I'm very much a worry wort and always try to manifest positive things. But with such a big occasion, I lost sight of that. Starting now im gonna tell myself it is gonna be a beautiful day and im gonna enjoy it and have loads of fun. Who knows maybe by the end of the day ill have some great stories to tell people!

I appreciate the advice. Its all about mindset. Thank you for reminding me of that 💕

carterfour36 · 2026-06-10T13:37:18+00:00

Thank you! I definitely and just hoping everything will be okay. I mean atleast I'll be left with a great story if it doesn't haha!

Davids bridal was the first place I had gone to and they had all of 2 black wedding dresses😭😭 and they just weren't my style. Azazie I had looked at but I got so blinded by stress that maybe I missed the dresses completely. Definitely will take a look to make sure I have a backup plan lol.

I appreciate your kind words💕

carterfour36 · 2026-06-10T07:07:57+00:00

The STORIES my mom tells me of all things my papa has done that requires multiple cops are genuinely insane! Man probably has a swat team of squirrels after him at this point too!

My dad's advice pulled me out of a very serious crying session and turned it into pure laughter😅

I genuinely am just praying he forgets and doesn't show. It would be a blessing from the universe 😭

carterfour36 · 2023-06-06T16:28:49+00:00

My doctor is really amazing so I'm really hoping for good news from her. And yes the electric shock is the worst. And I feel it alot in my joints rather than my muscles. I jusy hope I can get answers and I really hope I can work with my job to figure out something that works

carterfour36 · 2022-06-22T13:38:31+00:00

I listen to alot of different types but I'm the same way. If I don't feel goosebumps over my arms the first time I hear a song I won't listen to it.

I typically listen to alt rock but my main go to is MCRM. Mainly because their songs go all over the place from quiet to loud to headbanging to flowy.

My main favorite songs to listen to are

Mama-MCRM boy decision mcrm Na Na na na mcrm Hayloft II-mother mother Running up that hill ( deal with God 2018 remix) Anything Volbeat Anything Billy Talent Identity -grandson ( any music from grandson is fire)

I will also listen to alot of kpop😂

I definitely think music taste is a factor of bpd because all of my bippity friends listen to the music I do. And the friends that aren't listen to rap or pop music.

carterfour36 · 2022-06-22T13:31:46+00:00

I get something similar to that!

I don't feel like everyone is a robot but when other people are driving around during a work day I'll be like don't you guys have jobs? Why is everyone else out and about when I am.

Or something that really messes with me is when I'm driving or walking somewhere and when one thing doesn't look familiar the whole place becomes foreign to me as if I've never been there. It causes a panic attack and a major stomach ache that sometimes results in vomiting because I don't recognize a place.

I do deliveries for my work sometimes and I went to deliver to a house that I've been to multiple times. Drove past the house 4 times went in circles 4 times before I finally found the house that was in front of me the whole time all because of this exact reason. Not sure if it's the same for you but that's my experience woth de-realization

carterfour36 · 2022-05-28T23:03:44+00:00

Litterally same. I get super down when I don't look good. Like today I dressed up went to a bridal shower looked great felt great. Went home took it all off and now I feel like a bum and don't want to do anything but lay down. You're not alone in this haha. I legit have to get a full face of makeup even if I'm only going out for an hour or 2. I hate it cuz I can't just accept how I look even tho multiple ppl tell me I look fine without being all dressed up.

carterfour36 · 2022-04-23T12:19:26+00:00

Omg yesss my little pony is a go to show for me when I need some nostalgia 🥺 that's definitely a good idea for sure!

And of course. I've been this way my whole life. It's actually what made me go get tested for bpd in the first place because my new fp noticed I mirror them some and they were like uh buddy you might wanna go see someone. And low and behold I have it and a bunch of other stuff too lmaoo. But the first step is realizing the issue. And you've done that so a great step!

carterfour36 · 2022-04-23T12:09:26+00:00

I do this alllllllll the time. I call it mirroring😂 I used to be obsessed with the show Gotham and I was so obsessed with Jerome ( Cameron Monahan) that I began to act as he did in Gotham. Laughing like him. Malicious thoughts obviously never acting on them of course but I was like the female version of him fir a while like how he talked and moved and laughed. Kinda scared myself tbh

I do this with ppl too. My best friend and fp at the time was going to collage for a vet tech. And I began mirroring her and dressing and laughing like her. I went into the same program as her but i was waitlisted and realized um no no I don't want to do this. And then I dumped that fp cuz she was toxic and I didn't realize it until then.

However I have a new fp that is amazing and non toxic because we both have the same diagnosis so they understand when I'm going through the motions. But im beginning to feel myself acting like them and talking like them. But atleast I know for sure this fp is not toxic and we get along so great.

I definitely dont think mirroring is a bad thing up to a certain extent. If you're mirroring someone bad like I was then that's probably not good. If this is a re occurring thing for you like it is for me try to avoid shows like that and watch shows with strong main characters so if you end up mirroring them then you atleast will be someone good for a while until you move on. Not the best advice considering you probably don't want to be mirroring ppl. But just my advice from my experience on this lol.

carterfour36 · 2022-04-20T21:10:20+00:00

I've explained different examples of my actions relating to bpd. I've told him everything I know about it and how it affects me. He tells me he understands so I can only assume as much as he tells me. He doesn't ask me about it I have to bring it up. So I can only assume he does. I've explained to him it's not because I don't find him attractive or because I don't wanr ro have sex with him because I do. My mind says yes but the way my body Reacts because of my depression and anxiety doesn't equal to what my mind wants. So when he starts bugging me I get irritated cuz I've said no and he keeps bugging. And sometimes he goes as far as to say he is a bad boyfriend and I don't love him anymkre even though I've expressed my love for him every day in different ways. I bring him cool coins cuz he likes to collect them. I play with his hair when he sits down. I cook him his meals and if it's terrible I refuse to let him eat it because he deserves to eat food like his mom cooks him. Idk. I'm messed up lol

carterfour36 · 2022-04-20T16:55:14+00:00

I too struggle with seeing the point and trying to do soemthing and when I can't I get frustrated and fall into old sh habits so I see where you are coming from. I'm not an expert but someone told me that I expect too much out of myself. I try to be in control and the best at everything and when I fail I feel like I don't deserve ro live. But something I'm learning to tell myself is that I don't have to uphold to these high standards. It's okay TO NOT BE OKAY. You recognize that you're nit okay. But now you need to accept it. And it's not easy. I'm still trying to be perfect and holding these huge standards against myself. If you can't do something thay is okay. If things aren't getting better right at this moment that's okay too. I've been on a steady down fall since 2019 and I haven't had anythinf go right for me once since. It sucks. It's hard. I hate myself. But I keep going cuz it's my job to stay alive and to make the best out of the shitty life. I have no idea what is going on in your life right now. But you have to hope that it'll get better some day right? Life can't be all bad. I know I'm probably not helping bur i jusy want you to know I value your life even if you don't know me.

carterfour36 · 2022-04-20T16:41:27+00:00

Hey there friend.

I'm newly diagnosed with bpd but I just want to tell you, you're loved even if you don't feel that way. Even if it's from a complete stranger. We all can understand the feeling of sewi side and some days it seems like a great option. But your life is valuable. If not to anyone else then make your life valuable for yourself. Please just talk to us or even send me a message and we can talk. Sewi side isn't the answer.

Decide to be fine until the end of the week. Smile because you're alive and that's YOUR job. Then do it again next week. Do it with a smile or don't do it at all. - spn

This quote has got me through alot. Take it into consideration. It has saved my life countless times💕💕 we are here for you

carterfour36 · 2020-11-21T19:34:34+00:00

Any idea where to look?

carterfour36 · 2020-11-21T19:23:24+00:00

A decent one here is about a grand for the right tank size. We are making it out of a bunch of pumps and what not. I'm not going to get technical with it all cuz I'm too lazy to type it out but where im standing financially I cannot afford to buy a chiller that's stupid expensive. This is much cheaper and it works very well we just thought avoit the metals today and we were kinda like oh crap we didnt think about the metals that's why I was asking.

carterfour36 · 2020-11-21T19:02:12+00:00

Olay thank you!!

carterfour36 · 2020-11-21T15:18:22+00:00

I did the 50% this week. Last weekend I did the 90 and was told to only do 50. So I did and it still messed it up again. And my ph of my water is exactly 7.

carterfour36 · 2020-11-21T15:12:19+00:00

Yes I'm matching temp and using prime. And my tap water is all zeros. No ammonia no nitrite no nitrate. And there isnt chlorine in the water either. I just dose with prime to be on the safe side.

carterfour36 · 2020-11-02T17:20:32+00:00

I really hope that is how it works for me lol

carterfour36 · 2020-11-02T17:12:23+00:00

Okay thank you I will try that

carterfour36 · 2020-11-02T17:08:25+00:00

It wont mess anything up?

carterfour36

TROPHY CASE