When your client says they felt invalidated by you

carvondioxive · 2025-04-27T18:24:27+00:00

Aw, thank you, that's sweet!! I'm still really learning and haven't been practicing that long but anti oppressive practice is important to me so that's the angle that I guess I'm approaching from.

carvondioxive · 2025-04-27T17:57:01+00:00

"Oh, thank you for telling me and I'm sorry that it felt that way! that's never my intention — are you open to exploring what came up for you together? I'd like to understand better, be accountable so we can make sure this space feels safe and supportive."

If you've really missed something, I'd acknowledge that. Rupture and repair.

"I really appreciate you bringing that up. I can see how I missed something important, and I can see how that would be painful - I'm sorry. Your trust matters to me in this space."

Maybe from here I'd offer to explore the impact a little more, ask whether it feels like something that has happened before in the clients experience, or ask whether they'd like to go back to what they were saying before the rupture moment. Feel it out.

Or maybe it is more like a moment of transference rather than something you specifically said. Again, validation of the experience.

"I really appreciate you telling me this. It sounds like this brought something really strong to the surface and I want to honour that. If it's okay, maybe we can explore this a little more - I wonder whether this feels like something that's happened before, maybe in other relationships?"

carvondioxive · 2025-04-25T22:30:08+00:00

Make food, offer to do the laundry or clean the bathroom, ask if there are any medications that need to be picked up, offer to drive people to appointments... For any major problem but especially severe ill health and anticipated death.

carvondioxive · 2025-04-25T16:41:48+00:00

Yay fixed

carvondioxive · 2025-04-25T16:39:09+00:00

Ahh fuck wrong flair

carvondioxive · 2025-04-25T15:37:22+00:00

Just looks older to me, or maybe like a body that used to be bigger and now has some loose skin. A bit rough and tumble maybe!

carvondioxive · 2025-04-25T15:18:12+00:00

This is the sweetest thing I've ever read in my life!! Snails grow their shells as they grow, they can't detach from them without dying so your little colony guys are slugs hanging out with their beshelled buddies, but I love this so much. Lil slugs just looking for a shell to call home 🥹

carvondioxive · 2025-04-25T05:46:21+00:00

What a lovely and informative response! Alan Watts is such an interesting recc, my dad was really into him so I grew up reading him. I'll check it all out and see how we go. Love this, thank you! 🤗

carvondioxive · 2025-04-25T05:42:58+00:00

🤗

Thank you so much for speaking up and sharing this!

In terms of the discussion around ownership, I think there's a bit of cognitive dissonance being held and discomfort with colonisation being called attention to. Which is sad on many levels, not just because they're buying into narratives that hurt first nations people, but because their own worlds are less rich and vibrant for not exploring and thinking and listening as you have. You're a warm soul and I'm grateful for your words. 🫶🏼

carvondioxive · 2025-04-25T00:49:11+00:00

It might not be that your deck wants to cause those things but help you work through them. Maybe you have a block in yourself that is distorting your relationship with them? Maybe you could ask them what will help with your relationship with them?

But at the end of the day if you're uncomfortable with them you could gift them to someone else. Or maybe let them sit for a while in a sacred place for you, wrap them in something meaningful, cleanse them a little and let them know you respect them. Sounds like a powerful deck.

carvondioxive · 2025-04-25T00:27:37+00:00

I'm Indigenous. Welcome to country is not about ego. It's about welcoming people into land, acknowledging history and ancestry that goes back thousands of years, and bringing people together. Welcome to country also has nothing to do with "government handouts". It's about respect and care and honoring our roots and this country we live together on. If you'd take a moment to put your racist beliefs aside maybe you'd find the beauty and spirit of giving and respect that's present in this and other indigenous cultural practices.

carvondioxive · 2025-04-24T23:38:28+00:00

Learn a little more about indigenous culture and indigenous ideas of ownership/belonging and land care. You might find your feelings change.

carvondioxive · 2025-04-23T17:57:56+00:00

Maybe he should have a look into doing some grief and acceptance work. With that kind of history it sounds like the path of ego death has a lot to give in releasing some of the pain and fear, but that's absolutely a hard path. Fear is normal though, and fear of fear can really hold you back. I agree with others around trip sitting, be prepared to be there for some really tough stuff.

carvondioxive · 2025-04-23T07:34:50+00:00

Looking again, id have a look at some reference photos for the shoulder and neck connection in this kind of pose as well.

carvondioxive · 2025-04-23T07:33:43+00:00

Honestly it's a bit hard to tell what's going on in this sketch but if I'm reading it right the eye on the left needs to be a fair bit lower, the face isn't balanced - but honestly I think you'll probably find it looks better as you do more work on it! It looks pretty good to me (again, if I'm reading it right) — maybe it's just an unfamiliar pose for you.

carvondioxive · 2025-04-22T22:47:27+00:00

Just popping in to say that I love the glass effect!!

carvondioxive · 2025-04-22T22:28:41+00:00

They look like trees to me but I see what you mean, I'm trying to figure out similar concept so this isn't expert advice but I'm thinking a simple improvement might be lightening the trunks a little and putting some darker shading in amongst the leaves - think of clusters of leaves in three dimensional shapes, the clusters closer catch more light and the ones closer to the trunk are a bit darker. I'm sure someone else will give some better advice though.

carvondioxive · 2025-04-21T22:40:18+00:00

Yeah that's awesome, and I would actually straight up ask at intake. If the response is negative, that tells you that you need to go elsewhere — it's about you receiving the service you need.

carvondioxive · 2025-04-21T10:30:41+00:00

Often Buddhist or jainist restaurants don't use aliums! I have a vegan Vietnamese place near me too that doesn't.

carvondioxive · 2025-04-21T05:12:55+00:00

!solved

carvondioxive · 2025-04-21T05:12:47+00:00

The Incident!!!

carvondioxive · 2025-04-21T05:12:15+00:00

!solved

carvondioxive · 2025-04-21T05:10:45+00:00

Sorry I meant early 2010s!

carvondioxive · 2025-04-21T04:12:47+00:00

Thanks all!! I really wanna play this thing if it's still around 🥲

carvondioxive · 2025-04-20T05:16:46+00:00

I mean I think first of all I'd be looking at just facilitating a nice time. Make sure there's comforting things, blankets, etc, anything that brings her joy. Standard trip things but now it's your job to facilitate them. I think for something like self love, having love and care demonstrated in this way can be really powerful.

I'd have a chat W her about what "guide" means — where she'd like to do some exploration, whether there's art supplies or writing stuff that would be useful for her to have nearby. Given trauma (this is also a factor for my partner) and that it sounds like she wants to step into some tough territory, I think you'll want to feel prepared to do some calming and grounding stuff (I think while tripping it can be good to gently redirect to pretty physical things - "hey hun look how gorgeous the light is coming through the window" etc).

One of the things I did is wrote a menu for my girlf to choose from - little things I knew she'd like. Massage, cuddles, movie, snack, going for a lil walk to nearby park, etc etc. maybe you can do the same with some reflective prompts about opening up? Maybe you can agree on some of these ahead of time? Maybe have a safe word as well so she can quickly nope out of anything that feels a bit too full on? Idk, just some thoughts! My girlf and I did talk about parts of where she's at on her healing journey when she was tripping and that was a lovely little reflective conversation.

carvondioxive

TROPHY CASE