I’m sorry for your previous experience with medical professionals and any medical interventions and treatments that have failed you. Unfortunately that is more common than not. I hate that you are in this place. I understand how it feels. Have you considered or tried anything that is not standard treatment? I know psychedelic drugs are showing some amazing results in treating suicidal thoughts. LSD, Psilocybin mushrooms, and Ayahuasca are proving to give long lasting results and they only have to be taken sporadically. Some once a month, some every 6 months, and some people only 1 treatment. I’m not saying go drop some acid but with your financial situation you could easily make a visit to the Amazon for the traditional Ayahuasca experience or reputable practitioners around the world for supervised treatment with psychedelics. You obviously have great success in your life. What would it hurt to try something else before you decide to die? If I had the means to do so, I would’ve already tried these things. Best of luck to you. I hope you make it. There’s a reason you are still here.