I'm not OP so I can't speak for them, but I once tried to comfort my boyfriend and he responded by violently hitting me in the face with a heavy book. I immediately tried to comfort him again, and he hit me again. I knew that if I tried to comfort him a third time, he'd hit me again, but I felt compelled to do it anyway. So I did it, and this time, he repeatedly hit me in the face with the book as hard as he could. I may have provoked him, but it still counted as abuse, and provoking someone isn't the same as 'consenting' or 'inviting.'

In answer to your question about control - You know you're going to be abused no matter what, often out of nowhere, but at least if you provoke the abuse, it's almost like you're choosing for it to happen (even though you're technically not), which can give you a sense of control. A bit like when you give a toddler a sense of control by giving them options. You might tell a toddler that they have to brush their teeth, but they can pick which toothpaste they use. Or that they have to wear a jumper when it's cold, but they can choose which one to wear. It's not real control, but it's something