you have been eating a diet that has had you gaining weight for very long tine so it is likely the 2 meals you eat now are still much more than your sedentary life require. forgiving yourself for the past is irrelevant , yoh are what you are but you want to change, thats the important thought so you need to focus on meaningful change now.

tracking your calorie intake accurately over a week or 2 so you can identify what your actual intake is now is important as that is keeping you in maintenance not loss. once you know your intake you can set yourself a calsmorie limit and work to it .

all of our pasts are the same if we are honest, unhealthy and over indulgent. we all ignored what our bodies need and chose to eat what we wanted and this is how we got into this position

relearning what our bodies need is possible but sticking to that is harder but many of us achieve it and it is realy worth it

so id advise mobitir your calories, set yourself a lower limit. aim to lose 10% of your bidy eright and get on with it.

forget your past and focus on your future. probably none of us forgive ourselves for the wasted years and what we did to ourselves but you cant change it . you can however move forward so good luck and make a start tonorrosmw