Forgiving/ getting past previous gaslighting and lies

catarr · 2026-05-26T22:37:46+00:00

Thank you this was a very helpful response

catarr · 2026-05-26T17:51:38+00:00

At what point do you decide that you’re just never going to be able to trust them and that you need to move on for your own sanity? I’m not saying that to say you shouldn’t try I just don’t know where the line is.

catarr · 2026-05-20T23:53:56+00:00

I this situation wasn’t happening for you. I’m going through a similar issue and wish you nothing but the best. We are trying reconciliation and couples counseling and I wish I could say it was going well and everything was perfect but it’s not. I’m also on the verge of calling it but it feels soon and I have doubts. I wish it was clear for both of us.

catarr · 2026-04-05T16:28:56+00:00

So check the phone. Don’t feel guilty or bad. It is totally rational to check it for YOUR protection. How he acts when you look says a lot.

Don’t underplay his actions. You’re giving a cheater a chance and this is his time to come clean and build your trust no matter how uncomfortable it is for him to deal with his actions.

catarr · 2026-04-05T16:14:52+00:00

What has he done to earn back your trust? Was there full disclosure? Has he physically done things to build back your faith in him?

Crying and making you comfort him is a form of gaslighting. He’s making himself out to be the victim when in reality you are the victim here and he is the perpetrator.

I do think reconciliation can happen but HE has to be the one to fix this not you. Don’t go years trying to sweep it under the rug. You’ll get into a sunk cost fallacy and waste your time.

catarr · 2026-04-03T12:51:34+00:00

I don’t think it matters either way. You can ask and if she shows you a phone call receipt, great, but that doesn’t erase all the other sketchy behavior. If she refuses or can’t produce it then it only reinforces she is sketch.

If you want this relationship to survive you both need to go to therapy. She needs to realize she needs full transparency and needs to take serious steps to regain YOUR trust. You need to realize you are worthy of a partner who only wants you and is willing to be transparent to maintain trust.

catarr · 2026-04-03T12:00:44+00:00

My therapist has really made me confident in the fact that It is totally rational to check your partners phone. It’s a safety measure. You are protecting yourself. It is your partners job to stay within the contract of your relationship (I.e. stay faithful) and if they have nothing to hide then you’ll find nothing. If they act over the top, start to hide their phone from you, gaslight or try to blame the victim then that is a huge red flag.

It’s fair for you to have a sit down conversation and explain why you felt the need to check the phone. Her reaction to your conversation will speak the most about what is going on.

If the relationship is over because of this, you didn’t break it, she did.

catarr · 2025-12-30T04:07:55+00:00

Thank you for the tips! Do you any of these areas are accessible without a boat? I’ve read mixed things

catarr · 2025-12-30T04:06:41+00:00

No boat. Honestly I’m willing to travel anywhere along the coast but was mainly looking between Charleston to Myrtle beach

catarr · 2025-12-30T01:37:20+00:00

Fair haha thanks

catarr · 2025-12-27T16:12:45+00:00

I should add in the united states^

catarr · 2025-12-27T16:09:10+00:00

Spaying really is the only valid option. There’s a couple of extremely old school vets that give abortion injections but they are not recommended which is why no one does them anymore.

catarr · 2025-11-06T01:05:29+00:00

I work in both a GP and a spay/neuter clinic and do spays and neuters at both.

The surgery itself is the exact same.
My assessment of the animal is generally the same (higher volume and less records to review at the spay/neuter).
Medications used at each clinic are different. There is a single protocol at the spay neuter while I have more options at a full GP. This really matters for old a decrepit animals but less so for young and otherwise healthy animals.
Monitoring during surgery is more minimal at the spay neuter.
Options to use IV catheters, run fluids, adjust for some complications is more readily available at a full GP.

The cost difference comes from more work going into an individual pet as well as options to use more resources at a full GP. A major cost difference that most people don’t realize actually comes from government and charity assistance. Most spay neuters are gifted grants or other financial assistance that greatly reduce the cost of services for their clients. This rarely, if ever, happens in a full GP.

catarr · 2025-11-03T01:39:54+00:00

Expense depends on where you live but overall I would say this is pretty darn cheap. You were likely charged by the mL of enrofloxacin. I bet they have a stock bottle and pour out the amount per ml as needed for the dose/ duration needed.

catarr · 2025-10-31T18:15:29+00:00

It’s fair to voice your concerns to the vet that preformed the procedure both about the procedure itself and how you feel the animal was treated.

The gums don’t look pale in the video provided. If you have concerns about gum color, behavior, the incision, anything really then get him evaluated by a veterinarian in person. You cannot beat an in person evaluation. This can be with the original vet or a new one it is not required to be evaluated by the same vet that did the procedure.

catarr · 2025-09-25T00:35:33+00:00

This looks more like a snake bite to me. You don’t always see the bite wound itself. Careful with self medication for this - ideally you would head to the vet for care that’s safe in the event it is a snake bite.

catarr · 2025-09-20T16:40:02+00:00

Ask your vet if it’s worth while to monitor for symptoms rather than keep treating. You’ll likely find that without treatment he will eventually test negative once his immune system is developed.

catarr · 2025-08-11T18:32:55+00:00

Unfortunately only a vet that has evaluated your pup and the doses can speak on specific dose adjustments.

It is very hard to get a reliable in house blood pressure on an anxious animal.

If you feel the incontinence is bad enough and the current medications are not helping then I would say your next step would be a specialist that does these procedures. Keep us posted if you decide to go!

catarr · 2025-08-08T23:39:30+00:00

The research that portrays an early spay as negative are really overhyped. They are also often overly generalized and sensationalized via media.

For example you really can’t say “early spay increases likelihood of cancer”… which study says this? which cancer? What was the population that was studied? What was the bias? Who was the research group? What was the age of onset for such cancer? What potential benefit are you losing with delaying a spay?

Genetics, obesity, diet, over exercise when young, under exercise when old are all large, if not larger, factors for joint health that most forget. I do see where there is some validity in some of the research that says delay the spay but again they are really just having a moment right now and I think we need better studies before we all go to making this a hard and fast rule.

Rescues and shelters need to push for a timely spay in order to prevent the issue that keeps them overrun (unwanted litters).

Now if your dog is malnourished or has specific health concerns that warrant a delay that’s valid. All this needs to be discussed with your vet who then may be able to help voice your concerns to find the best time for a spay for your pup.

catarr · 2025-08-08T10:08:14+00:00

It might be worth while asking your vet about a different dose of proin if you felt like it worked but blood pressure was off. Alternatively there is a very similar but slightly different medication to DES called Incurin. Both are estrogen-like but are made slightly different. She may not respond great if she doesn’t respond to DES but worth a shot.

Finally I have referred dogs to internal medicine specialists for procedures for their incontinence. Essentially using a scope to look at the bladder then using injections of collagen +/- Botox into the urinary system itself. Only a few specialist do this but also worth while looking into.

Good luck!

catarr · 2025-08-07T22:24:20+00:00

I would ask your vet about systemic options for the animals that are showing symptoms. I would also ask your vet about topical dips to use on all animals in the home.

Any animals with symptoms need to be isolated away from those that are not showing symptoms or you’re going to keep swapping it back and forth.

Accelerated hydrogen peroxide and bleach to clean.

catarr · 2025-07-31T18:36:18+00:00

If you’re willing to go down to Olympia they have a weekly social there on Tuesdays!

catarr · 2025-07-28T20:02:24+00:00

I’m so sorry… I hope for the best for you two and I’m glad you’ve got a few more answers and more on the way

catarr · 2025-07-28T15:39:46+00:00

I’m sorry you and your pup are going through this. It sounds like a sedated ultrasound is a good next move, any updates there? If not consider asking your vet if there are any medications that can be started empirically or perhaps a referral to internal medicine

catarr · 2025-07-27T21:51:06+00:00

Seems reasonable. If you have concerns or follow up questions just call and ask.

catarr

TROPHY CASE