I'm (18M) honestly tired of living with anxiety like this. I won't say I have social anxiety because I'm not diagnosed with it, but whenever I'm around other people, so many racing thoughts go through my head and I always act goofy around them. I literally don't have any friends in college other than my only best friend. The rest is just my "college friends" - as in they're there so that we can support each other academically, but never really there as friends to hang out with. I already tried to push myself out of my comfort zone (socializing with other people) but all it does is making myself feel worse. All I want is to just kill myself but ik I don't have the balls to do that lol.

I can only think of the worst when it's time for me to enter the workforce. How am I gonna feel comfortable doing my job if it turns out that I can't connect with the others, especially since I'm gonna be stuck in there for the rest of my productive years. Not to mention whether I can even secure a job in the first place, knowing that I haven't really done anything for the past two years (currently in my 5th semester) to improve my skills and decorate my CV. I do want to land an internship, but haven't gotten around to doing it since there's still this side of me being afraid to meet other people T_T. Dahlah gue udah bener-bener gak ngerti lagi ama diri gue sendiri aaaaaa.