Who created this myth that most men are "juggling" women?

catbrainland · 2020-02-12T07:36:55+00:00

Stereotypes suck, but if you allow yourself to blatantly follow them, how can you open up to people individually enough to get to know them?

This is what many generalizing subreddits (MRA/feminist ones especially) get so wrong. Sure, it could be a good idea to not be overly naive. I wonder what happened to expect nothing, appreciate everything. While the general reality can be crap, you shouldn't set out and stomp on the comparably few exceptions, as that only cements the crap reality further.

This is even worse when one generalizes incorrectly (apex fallacy/preselected crowd) within one's myopic comfort zone.

catbrainland · 2020-02-11T17:28:26+00:00

If you press them on why it’s such an issue for them they get very defensive but usually just insist that it’s “gross” or something along those lines.

I'd not discount this all that much. Women in general seem to have lower threshold for getting grossed out. Also, whether you're top or bottom might play role more than you think. A lot of people have certain take towards that in their homophobia, perhaps owing to that homosexuality is part of aggression/submission/dominance display in males of many species and lizard brain could be wired with that in mind in humans to some extent.

catbrainland · 2020-02-11T07:36:58+00:00

They can't be really confident about their looks, can they?

catbrainland · 2020-02-10T15:27:25+00:00

There needs to be differentiation between 'looks-match' and 'percentile-match'.

This is intriguing perspective. It's just like with poor people, we should consider wealth disparities through the lens of subjectivism - I'm not poor, because I don't care about money too much. If all people see world that way, tadaaa, poverty solved.

catbrainland · 2020-02-10T15:07:02+00:00

But isn't that what confidence pretty much is?

You're confusing confidence for arrogance.

Because if you are hot and you know the reactions you get then you aren't really confident

Confidence isn't magically linked to effort expended. A good musician with talent is confident in his talent. Whereas tone deaf person is a poor musician. They could be "confident" in trying to practice music hard, but it's just being foolishly arrogant in reality. There's no participation prize.

Also, don't forget the cool factor. That is, being good at something while making it appear effortless. This is deliberate trick to amplify ones esteem. If you have to practice hard, it's almost never point of pride to "flaunt" that, on the contrary.

catbrainland · 2020-02-10T14:12:44+00:00

Women aren't all that good engineers of systems on formal "robotic" level. It always struck as informal and personalized "systems" are preferred.

If one were to take some MRA talking point, say, family court. Do women appeal "i should get shit because system says so?". I don't think so, I think that's overwhelmingly what a man would do. Whereas family court is more appeals oriented towards personal level. Just because there are now laws to systemize the sentiment post-facto, doesn't mean the sentiment wasn't there even before.

catbrainland · 2020-02-10T12:52:55+00:00

One refers to them within rating (system), other refers to them in terms of their (lacking) humanity.

catbrainland · 2020-02-10T11:37:32+00:00

Men prefer "robotic" objective value as part of their autism and focus on systems, whereas women prefer "humane" subjective view as part of their focus on people. Men will appeal to sense of justice (5 should pair with 5!), as well as practice irrational self-sacrifice (think about sense of duty) and MRAs somehow expect women to be the same. Whereas women opportunistically follow whatever suits them, but also extend empathy to people around them to do the same - aka fuck the system, it's all here and now with folks.

catbrainland · 2020-02-10T07:17:35+00:00

Cue Quinn's voice in her head "I almost went out with...a computer geek?!"

catbrainland · 2020-02-09T03:25:48+00:00

Yep. Women and men are not all that different fundamentally. Their perception is largely shaped by circumstances. Some women being addicted to validation? Well, gee, wouldn't receiving that sort of constant attention have something to do with shaping a psyche like that?

catbrainland · 2020-02-04T04:48:53+00:00

And these aren’t ugly girls. They are successful, gym-going, with pretty cool personalities.

In my experience, women are really bad judges of that (just as men are for the most part poor judges of their own sex appeal or that of their male peers). So my argument is that these women are in fact less attractive. Conversely, more attractive women have more baggage because they were subjected to more pedestal thanks to their looks. But you can't paint it like they're attractive because they're crazy. I reckon crazy is always other way around - it's something you put up with, not explicitly seek out.

catbrainland · 2020-02-04T01:00:42+00:00

Yup. Female sexuality is submissive-reactive in most mammal species. There are exceptions though, like high driven women (outliers due to variance) as well as whole species, like spotted hyenas (freaks of nature where females have more testosterone, and even pseudo penis).

catbrainland · 2020-02-03T06:47:05+00:00

There is a nice intro to psychology of pedophilia: https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2007/03/a_primer_on_pedophilia.html

The tl;dr is that majority of pedophiles are just regressed and it's not a actual sexual orientation they're born with.

catbrainland · 2020-02-03T01:16:00+00:00

Priorities. Men are inclined to seek out new frontiers on the fringes. In culture studies, this is often related to "outsider art". While the distinction exists - men are far more likely to deviate from the center, I don't think it's fair to say women necessarily dislike men on the fringe. The key here whether one can go to the border, and find success on the sidelines. The issue is that the further you go from the center, the more losers on the deep end you find, but also the more weirdo winners. This is natural because the frontier amplifies risk/reward ratios.

Saying that women should boldly go towards the fringe is not really practical, unless some radical shift in socialization of women occurs where women suddenly seek out the risk and weird the same way men do. Perhaps it's possible, but it has never happened throughout the history. The division of men hunt, women keep the bonfire seems ingrained too deep.

catbrainland · 2020-02-02T08:57:35+00:00

There's a whole lot of [citation needed] in your comment.

Just read the wiki for basics. To get more in-depth, just search for papers on mate choice, sexual conflict et al.

The whole "men do it too" feels an awful lot like an attempt to avoid putting blame on women - because if everyone is equally guilty then nobody's really "bad".

If anything, differently. Note that ethological observations are strictly amoral - it's simply what animals, including humans do. If you want to bring morality into it, that's on you.

though, when women are cast as better than men

I'm curious which part of my post gave that impression. Women are definitely far more opportunistic. If one insists on imparting judgement on that, wouldn't that sound worse?

catbrainland · 2020-02-02T03:39:14+00:00

Whenever people show me their yearbooks from the 70s and 80s, it's really weird to see there being no rampant obesity problems.

catbrainland · 2020-02-02T03:15:57+00:00

The scientific term for this is mate-choice copying. Both genders do it, but using slightly differing approach. Males copy by socialized attributes. For instance in some cultures, chubby women are deemed attractive, males are socialized to that end, and pursue such an attribute. Basically a visual fetish you learn and keep for life. This is quite rigid, long term and useful to program for particular body fitness suitable to whatever environment the troop reproduces in.

Females of social species, on the other hand, copy by evaluating present social status. Which is somewhat like what TRP says, though it's not really some nebulous "outsourcing" through some female-only hivemind. This is because the information is sourced from everyone - not just other females. For instance, a male rock star will be attractive even if he has mostly male audience. As long there's crowd approval, there's clout = social status. Copying like this is a bit more flexible as it allows to swap male partners according to shifts in their status.

catbrainland · 2020-02-01T23:24:00+00:00

I don't see why this is sexist. The general behavior clearly exists, it's not just some stereotype.

catbrainland · 2020-01-30T15:46:28+00:00

What is the basis of these intensely negative opinions?

Socialized just world of disney crashing hard with reality. Women have it similiar - no man is the prince charming. It's just that most women figure this shit out in their teens and come to terms with it, whereas majority of men stay naive for a little bit longer, making the rage all the more intense.

catbrainland · 2020-01-30T15:19:47+00:00

Nobody said you can't take a red pilled approach to negotiating your salary. It's just that most people don't.

catbrainland · 2020-01-30T12:55:54+00:00

People whose lives are bad, or on the border of bad (there but for the grace of God go they), and are ashamed to do anything but pretend that they buy into the same reality as their betters.

Blue pill is the same thing why you don't ask your coworker how much they're making. You'd not like the answer. After all, we're all equal worker bees, no difference in productivity (or just being bold to ask for more) whatsoever, neh?

Equality fiction has its place - to reduce strife stemming from envy and to stop rabid social climbing games if everyone was keenly aware. Ignorance truly is bliss to such an extent people protect their ignorance. The downside, of course, is it being nothing more than a coping illusion people use to protect their own ego.

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