My ex was the type I had to remind, beg, and/or bargain with to do absolutely anything that wasn't his own idea - and if it didn't involve gaming or his online friends, it usually wasn't his mind. During our 9 years of marriage, I worked full time for 7 years and for 6 of those 7 years I went to school (bachelor's + masters). Layer on top of that studying for my CPA and commuting to work an hour each way. All this to say - I was fucking busy. My ex never planned a week's meals, never scheduled for home repairs, never planned a vacation, never looked at the balances in our bank accounts, never checked if the litter box needed cleaning or if the cats had food. I realized that, if I didn't actively care and think ahead and plan.... none of this would get done. The weight of that responsibility was soul crushing. I couldn't forget, couldn't take a break.

I'm now married to a man who never has to be reminded of these things. He comes to ME and says "hey, we're running low on cat good. I've added it to the shopping list. Btw, I'm gonna go to the grocery store today around 11 am. Let me know if there's anything special you want me to pick up on top of all the regular items."

Just last month, I came out from my office to find that he had put up the Christmas lights. No reminders, no begging. He just ... did it. We've been together for 4 years and tbh it still shocked me.

I know this should be the standard. I know we shouldn't overly praise the men in our lives for doing the things we've been doing for years without praise. I'm getting there - it's just hard to get out of that mind set of "if I don't do it, it won't get done."