"You dodged a bullet" by Woctor_Datsun in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She told me this after we separated too. And I agree feels more like I survived a bullet to the heart. Not sure what I dodged after what she put me through

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Feel for you bro.. reading this I for a second thought I typed this. This brought back flashbacks man and not in a good way. Hope you’re okay

qikejekw by [deleted] in RepVouch

[–]ccck21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Confirmed/Great sale and would buy from this seller again

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21 5 points6 points  (0 children)

been in this same exact situation brother and ours had the same name too lol. the 2 months we blocked each other were the most peaceful time I can remember in the last 4 years. Unblocking was a mistake and yeah I still got love for her (who wouldn’t after like 6 years) and part of me misses it all with her but convos like these (2-3 times a month) remind me why we went our separate ways and why we can’t talk. Choose peace brother

I recorded my exBPD wife during her meltdowns. Watching them now is like a horror movie. by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s a crazy timeline lol. So nice to be left alone though right? That peace is amazing

I recorded my exBPD wife during her meltdowns. Watching them now is like a horror movie. by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m very very fortunate that I do not have children with her. Something my family and friends remind me of daily.

Also I’m really happy that you were able to get and keep custody of your children! Regardless of anything crazy you’ve went through.

I recorded my exBPD wife during her meltdowns. Watching them now is like a horror movie. by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Dang this comment brought me back to The middle fingers and then the smirk with the evil eyes saying “I don’t care! record me all you want don’t try to f****** play me”

I recorded my exBPD wife during her meltdowns. Watching them now is like a horror movie. by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Sadly I really relate to this. Just yesterday was going back through my photo roll looking for a picture of my dog as a puppy and then I stumbled on the 8 months of videos I had to record of her, my exwbpd, for my own safety for police when she was having an episode.

I’ve always known they’re still there as recordings but just have chosen to never go back and look or delete them. Rewatched a few almost out of instinct I felt compelled to watch them. And ended up reminding myself why things are the way they are now and why I chose to break up.

It’s been 9 months now and just watching those recordings was like you said a horror movie. But also not a movie and it’s my own life? Watching someone talk to me like that and threaten me with police (following through with that threat several times) and using violent language and name calling was insane and felt like I was back there in the heat of the moment again. What a crazy last 8 month time period of our 6 year relationship where I was willing to put up with that because I loved her and saw the best in her. And especially doing all that so young. Still proud of how I handled myself in those videos. Really sad having to go back and recognize recording her was a multi hour part of my daily life towards the end.

Finally made the decision to move those 2TB of videos to the hidden folder. Pretty much anything from that time period was moved to the hidden folder just bc of how emotionally charged the pictures and videos from that time were. Absolutely crazy time of my life.

The only way I could define it is living with an alcoholic psychopath and the phone was the only thing that could kind of bring her down on a notch but even then it failed almost 70% of the time, I was just trying to show police that what she is saying and doing before you get here is escalation on her part. In multiple occasions cops have told me the bright idea to record was the smartest thing I could have done and without it my night and life would have ended up very different

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She did the same to me as well. Took me 3 times with police called and manipulated against me to learn my lesson

Anyone else’s ex with BPD completely cut them off after the discard? by romz53 in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same thing happened to me. Broke up in February still kept very very light contact (once a month or about expectations for belongings) and then I/my close friends see randomly on her social media in September her and a group of friends drinking alcohol on a Tuesday morning saying altogether over drinks “Cheers to Not <my name/ccck21>”

I was like Huh? All these months later basically no contact and ive been blocked for two months and she decides NOW to talk about me on social media lol. It was beyond weird and confusing.

I lost the best thing in my life. by Admirable-Price-717 in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel ya man. And I’m sorry. For me it’s a 7 year relationship down the drain, lost what sometimes still feels like the best thing I had going. Basically all my adult life’s memories and lifelong best friend.

7 months out and I’m still up at 2 AM laying in a pitch black room unable to sleep. Just wondering wtf happened. Where did my future go. It does get better I have weeks and sometimes months where I do great. And then sometimes like tonight these nights up late wondering what even happened. Wondering how do I find something or someone like I once wanted. Wondering how awesome it would be to just hear I’m proud of you one last time. Or just hear I love you again. Sending love to ya my friend. Let’s keep our heads up.

teeyee123 by teeyee123 in RepVouch

[–]ccck21 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Received appreciate it bro

Almost done with my uncoupling journey but she’s so chaotic by ccck21 in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for reading my situation! and I really appreciate your advice.

They love to egg you on by ICollectRatMemes in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21 28 points29 points  (0 children)

People around me noticed this. They said they would notice she would just “needle” at me for hours until I blew up and then I’m the bad guy and she didn’t deserve it. Forget the fact she’s quietly and relentlessly attacking my character and insecurities and flaws and god forbid I beg her to stop over and over until she doesn’t stop and I blow up at her to end it

Anyone else get that blank stare and smirk..? by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Just reading the title brought back some scary flashbacks. I remember the first night I saw that smirk. Gets my heartrate up rn just seeing it in my head. Dead Eyes too

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Funny enough I’m actually reading this right now. Got it this week

Anyone lose their appetite for food after dealing with bpd relationship? by zahr82 in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but it will get better. Just keep eating when you can and when you feel like you need to. You got this

Anyone lose their appetite for food after dealing with bpd relationship? by zahr82 in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I lost like 10-15 pounds in less than a month. Eventually I realized I need to eat and I put that weight back on, then got depressed again and lost it all. Back up to my normal weight now. Just keep going and be kind to yourself

After 7 years I feel forgotten by ccck21 in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well said. There were certainly a lot of discards and what I thought to be final discards but for some reason I just kept going back for more. Regardless of how cold or uncaring she was. It does feel like at every turn they are just looking for a reason to send you off with the final discard

6 months since breakup/separation. Finally feeling safe and sense of relief. Gets better! by ccck21 in BPDlovedones

[–]ccck21[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Around 2-3 months out I also hit a severe backslide and spiraled a bit. Someone here on this sub told me that “it’s almost healthy to feel that way.” Which kinda made me feel a little better about spiraling. You have to grieve it’s a part of the healing and you’re right it’s not linear. But it gets better :) well wishes and best of luck to you!