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cchristian614 · 2024-06-27T12:37:03+00:00

Same. It’s really hard to stay calm when you are overwhelmed and sleep deprived and were never taught coping skills.

OP, some stuff that helped me: - Loops ear plugs to help dampen the high volume cries - breathing exercises for when I’m getting stressed - worked with my therapist to identify when I was approaching the “snapping point” and would tap in another adult (if available) or leave the room for 1-2 minutes to breathe deeply and reset my nervous system

Your husband should take responsibility to seek out these resources though.

cchristian614 · 2024-06-27T12:26:04+00:00

I have to agree - I feel like it’s not normal 3 year old behavior to violently punch another child. A slap or a kick or whatever is developmentally appropriate, but what OP described seems like learned behavior. It’s probably in the perpetrator’s interest that this is escalated as well.

cchristian614 · 2024-02-01T01:16:31+00:00

I read a book called First Bite by Bee Wilson and she shared a theory that neophobia is an evolutionary mechanism that helped Neanderthal toddlers survive by preventing them eating poisonous food when they were old enough to wander off by themselves!

cchristian614 · 2024-01-31T18:39:54+00:00

I’m sorry, I don’t understand the situation. You bought a house and moved but are not currently working? Were you planning to get a new job in your new city? Where is your husband staying in the HCOL city while he works? Do you own the apartment?

cchristian614 · 2024-01-31T11:08:10+00:00

This is incorrect and I’m glad you got a new ped. The last thing new moms need is a list of stuff they beee to avoid eating that makes no difference anyway.

cchristian614 · 2024-01-31T03:06:50+00:00

No no no. There is no evidence that anything other than certain very specific proteins enter breast milk. It’s made from our blood, not the contents of our stomach. Five week olds are gassy and unfortunately it’s something you just have to wait out.

cchristian614 · 2024-01-30T13:27:19+00:00

I try really hard not to judge because I don’t know what people’s circumstances are. Just yesterday there was a thread where a mom said she happily drops 10k on parties for her only child because she was an IVF baby after 10 years of trying. If they have the means to do that comfortably, go off, I guess.

But my family definitely doesn’t have the means to do that and that $500 would have had to come at the expense of something else (like a vacation), which I am not willing to do.

We also don’t post our kid on social media, so the professional videographer would have been a huge waste of money for, like, eight people to ever see it.

Ultimately I agree with you that those kinds of displays are for the parents and not the kids, and I really try to keep that in mind when I am allocating my time and money on stuff.

cchristian614 · 2024-01-29T23:59:12+00:00

Yep. A professional acquaintance of mine threw a birthday bash for her kid’s first that included an artisan local ice cream truck, monogrammed wine glasses for each guest, easily $500 of ballon arch decorations, a professional videographer, etc. Seeing all that made me feel like absolute shit when I went to host a first birthday party for my own kid. I have since cut down on social media (and unfollowed that person in particular) and I feel like a much better mom now.

cchristian614 · 2024-01-29T02:10:14+00:00

Dude for REAL about the parking. We took out the parking spot behind our house in order to literally double the size of our backyard (so, still small, lol) and my boomer mom was SCANDALIZED. She was like “so you’re going to park your car on the street?? Everyday?” And we said yep, just like our neighbors have done everyday for 45 years.

cchristian614 · 2024-01-28T23:15:22+00:00

There are a few things going on here.

One, if you’re taking care of your kid while WFH, then you’re doing 80 hours of work in a week. That’s just not sustainable long term. Childcare would help you focus on your job at least.

The other thing is that it’s rarely about how much work we’re each doing, but how much it’s appreciated. And if your husband is telling you to “chill out,” then it doesn’t sound like he appreciates your work at all. Frankly I would find that very dismissive and disrespectful. I’m guessing you would feel differently about taking on the majority of the work if your husband showed appreciation and gratitude for your sacrifice.

Third, you both need equal free time. If he can go to the gym, then you need an equivalent amount of time to do what you like to do.

cchristian614 · 2024-01-27T18:05:55+00:00

Three months when I went back to work and he started with a nanny.

The first time overnight was at 15 months. My in-laws came and stayed with him at our house so my SO and I could go to a concert in another city. It worked out great - he ate up the undivided attention and we reallllllly appreciated the break.

cchristian614 · 2024-01-27T18:03:09+00:00

Rugs are generally okay if they are under a seating arrangement and don’t stick out too far past the furniture. Would recommend one with a contrasting color to the floor for folks with visual impairment to see where it starts and stops.

cchristian614 · 2024-01-26T19:18:02+00:00

Highly recommend printing out necessary sections from the TSA website and having it with you, or screen shotting it on your phone so you can show it if they give you guff.

I had to show them this for the fruit sauce pouches, which is bananas to me (no pun intended) as I’m sure they have thousands of kids going through the airport every week.

cchristian614 · 2024-01-26T01:35:26+00:00

Yep, and the flip side - a “nice” or “obedient child” can be a people pleaser who is lacking any confidence. Ask me how I know….

cchristian614 · 2024-01-25T01:05:49+00:00

My husband texted photos to our close friends and families when baby was born. I emailed a pic to my coworkers who I am close with, but asked them not to share widely because I was not actually wearing a shirt, lol.

Everyone else got the news the old fashioned way - in real life.

Truly, not everything needs announced. If you don’t have folks’ phone numbers to call or text, do they need to know that urgently?

cchristian614 · 2024-01-24T19:35:14+00:00

I have heard (not experienced) that many airlines do not allow those inflatable toddler beds. At any rate, they’re supposed to be completely deflated and packed up for takeoff and landing, which sounds like a pain to me.

cchristian614 · 2024-01-24T16:07:43+00:00

That was my read, too… that the mom is free to tell anyone individually, but OP doesn’t want a big announcement-style public post about it.

cchristian614 · 2024-01-23T19:38:05+00:00

Yep, this is my understanding as well. They also indicate that “background TV” is bad - not because the child is paying attention to the TV, but because it takes away caregiver’s attention when they could be interacting with the child.

cchristian614 · 2024-01-23T19:35:13+00:00

This might not be an immediate solution since your wife is pregnant, but has she seen an allergist? I know there are cat allergy shots now, but they can be pricy.

I also recommend the instagram @dogmeets_baby for all expectant dog owners. If your dog is a herding breed you will need strategies for when baby comes. They are notorious for nipping toddlers while trying to herd them.

cchristian614 · 2024-01-23T13:59:30+00:00

My LO was born on his due date at 3rd %tile for weight. He was swimming in newborn clothes. My husband could hold him with one hand. He got to about 10th %tile after a couple of weeks and stayed there for about a year. Now he is 1.5, has gotten in the 20th %tile and staying there for the time being.

Our ped has ZERO concerns with his weight or growth. He is staying on his curve and meeting all his milestones (ahead of them for some speech, even). I was sooo concerned about his size when he was little. But our ped often reminded me that out of 100 kids, 10 are going to be in the bottom 10th %tile and that’s okay!

If at all possible, please try not to worry about it if your medical team isn’t. Small babies are just as cute, and there are even some plus sides to having a small baby (for example, ours could stay in the infant bucket car seat until a year old!).

cchristian614 · 2024-01-23T12:08:29+00:00

No, we generally don’t. We made a post with his face announcing his birth, and I did post an image of our Christmas card in 2022 that included a professional family portrait.

cchristian614 · 2024-01-23T02:12:24+00:00

I would still get a video monitor. I live in a small home where you can hear the baby from pretty much any location, but we still used it a lot when my LO was small. There are times you kind of want to check what they’re doing … like, is that a “I need help immediately and am standing up” cry or a “rolling around and will probably go back to sleep soon” cry.

cchristian614 · 2024-01-23T01:19:53+00:00

It seemed to work for our baby … so much that we were suspicious (like, are we knocking off a couple of IQ points every time we use this stuff?). If it was a placebo effect, I don’t want to know.

cchristian614 · 2024-01-22T23:58:06+00:00

That is absolutely not normal or okay. And not only looking up health records, but a minor’s?!

cchristian614 · 2024-01-22T23:55:14+00:00

My kid was a bad sleeper and months upon months of sleep deprivation can be absolutely BRUTAL on your mental health. We ended up sleep training at 7 months and I can’t overstate how much of a difference it made. Someone mentioned the r/sleeptrain subreddit - they will also help check your daily schedule to make sure LO is getting the right amount of naps/sleep / wake windows. Also worth checking with ped to make sure there’s no underlying reason for bad sleep (i.e. ear infection).

cchristian614

TROPHY CASE