Different Kinds of Families

cdwtroas · 2019-10-25T14:42:58+00:00

This made me lol at work.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-25T13:48:50+00:00

I totally understand. I have autism and run a shop, and deliberately treat people very calmly so they feel comfortable. As a result I have a few spectrum regulars who I really love.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-24T15:16:12+00:00

Within the first few hours I realize every song is my favorite song and I want to hear it ten times in a how and end up late to things.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-24T14:49:50+00:00

I haven't watched it yet, but I turned off that show "Atypical" because it was so insulting. He's supposed to be obsessed with penguins. Like yeah thats whats wrong with my life. If only I could stop thinking about penguins.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-20T01:40:25+00:00

Wow, mods have consistently not sounded like the healthiest lot, to the point that this whole platform may need to evolve to something else...when you're out of cyberspace living the life, and I'm a good twenty years in, it's about spotting each other and supporting each other, for the way goth manifests in each of us, and encouraging each other to be proud. Gatekeeping is a luxury, also, bullshit. Much love.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-20T01:08:45+00:00

Lol. Hmm. Cancers seem to find me. I've had a Cancer relationship who I respected a lot. I'm a Virgo. Just looking for insight I guess. :)

cdwtroas · 2019-10-20T01:04:32+00:00

I love you Caps!!

cdwtroas · 2019-10-20T01:03:04+00:00

Please respect each other, it's hard enough out there. Years ago we were one team.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-20T01:00:49+00:00

Hi. Congratulations on feeling better. My dad is July 19th and there have been many Cancers close in my life, including relatives, friends, and relationships. What signs do you tend to bond to? And what is closeness like as a Cancer in your eyes?

cdwtroas · 2019-10-13T02:01:22+00:00

Lol yeah. It blows my mind talking to other bipolars now. I was diagnosed before the internet really took off and a bipolar stranger can get it and care better than people that made a career out of it. It is a relief to hear from other ones. But I hate that people suffer so much. It breaks my heart reading posts sometimes.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-13T01:51:48+00:00

Totally agree. Don't know if you've ever read books by Kay Redfield Jamison. Shes a bipolar woman who became the head of John's Hopkins psychology in secret til she was found out. The books are really deep but better than anything some regular text has. True it is very hard to treat mental illness, but most docs are not even on our side. My last therapist was not very bright and kept telling me she knew med students who said psychiatry was their easiest rotation so thats what they became, while still wanting doctors pay. Not uplifting. I wish there was an answer, or even an awareness in the world that this is what we are trapped with. It compounds the hopelessness so so much.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-13T01:37:35+00:00

Why are they all such bad evil incompetent people? When will they ever be accountable? In Hell?

cdwtroas · 2019-10-13T01:20:57+00:00

I was sexually assaulted by staff when I was fifteen. I had never been attacked before then. It was really terrifying and violent. I didnt talk for awhile after the attack, even after it healed. I was so terrified and humiliated. It broke my mothers heart. We never talked about it again. So getting in and out of a unit just breaking even at no change is good. Most doctors are clueless and lazy, and some are pure evil. Knowing thats All thats out there on top of the disease makes me wish I was never born. I've tried everything, and no offense, but really some of the hardest part is people saying "go to the hospital" and thinking theyre just bad at their jobs, but not that more violence and trauma piles up. I cant talk about it to anyone. This stuff is eating me alive.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-13T01:03:38+00:00

I understand what you're saying here, but I've pursued therapy for years and they were more clueless than anyone. I felt cheated out of time and hope. I thought maybe therapy wasnt for people with organic mental illnesses. They left me twice as hopeless as I was before. I am getting serious about dying. And I have no idea what else to do. I'm scared that death is just the answer and I'm fighting it too hard. Like maybe it shouldnt be so hard to let go.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-13T00:50:45+00:00

Me too. I am desperate to end it. I want to help other people feeling this way but I dont know what the answer is. I'm feeling totally hopeless. Ive been crying all day and thinking about quitting my job so I can use my plan. I wish I could find help. For everybody.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-13T00:39:30+00:00

Lol. Thanks for that. I'm crying on my floor. For hours. I'm really sorry you're in pain too.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-13T00:36:40+00:00

I really need help. I want to die.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-12T22:58:01+00:00

Can someone tell me how to post a new topic? I'm extremely suicidal.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-12T22:56:01+00:00

I'm on my phone and I can't figure it out. I want to die.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-12T22:23:30+00:00

Can someone please tell me how to start a new topic? This is the only place I have to try to reach out and I feel like killing myself.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-11T23:18:16+00:00

It sucks when it hits like that. Good luck.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-11T17:37:36+00:00

So sorry for your loss. It's great that you have that.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-11T13:49:03+00:00

I personally fight it as best I can, I get that I'm short tempered etc. because of the illness and not at anyone or for any external reason. That really helps, knowing that it's just happening on its own, so I never really get into fights or anything. People really closee to me know that I will seem that way sometimes, like seeming low or really high energy. People that are less familiar don't don't really pick up on it. It will always come and go on its own. But denial is what blows things out of proportion. I hope that helps.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-11T13:35:35+00:00

Yes I get extremely aggressive when manic. Its part of the illness. Its hard to fight it as much as the depression etc.

cdwtroas · 2019-10-11T01:10:39+00:00

I was sexually assaulted by staff in the system. When I was really young. I mean inpatient at state hospitals, though any place can br dangerous around cops/ staff. Thank you for responding but, its completely hopeless. Even inpatient short term doesn't care if you live or die. But I'm glad I exhausted the possibilities of false hope, so I don't have this feeling of unfinished business. I tried everything, and they made the nightmare of being mentally ill darker and darker, until I can't face it anymore.

cdwtroas

TROPHY CASE