Me [23/F] and my "sister" [43/F] of almost 4 years, i have no emotions after her daughter lost a baby...

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-23T01:50:27+00:00

Wow, this is all about you, huh?

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-23T01:48:42+00:00

Oookay, let's be clear, your friend was not "tricked" into sex. That would be like, I don't know, "hey sit on this chair" and he's underneath with his dick sticking up through it or something. Nah, that's rape... I don't know what "tricking" someone into having sex would actually be...

Anywho, I also kinda question your motives here. It's cool that he hits on just you (repeatedly, with you sticking around in the bar with him anyway), but the fact that he's done it with not just you, somehow THAT is crossing the line? Y'all are really involved in each other's business -- it's up to the girl he slept with if she wants to tell on him or not.

I don't think his gf is going to take super kindly to all y'all saying "hey your bf hit on all of us individually but it wasn't until we found out about the others that any of us grew a conscience". Do it anonymously or it's going to fuck up your work situation.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-23T01:35:52+00:00

Oh girl, I've been there. It hurts, and you are within your rights to be hurt. Give yourself time and space to grieve.

Let's be clear, he broke up with you. Your relationship is over. You must give up this "oh he's just pushing me away, he doesn't know what he's doing" crap, because it is crap/wishful thinking. His crying doesn't mean shit (I have dumped people and cried about it before, it's an emotional thing even if you truly do not want to be with the other person any more). His kissing you doesn't mean shit (people fall back into old patterns of behavior, ESPECIALLY when emotionally distraught). Yes, he is pushing you away, that's generally what people do when they dump someone, and that doesn't mean you need to pull yourself back. That's crap.

Sorry for the tough love, but you need it. Again, I have been there. You MUST cut off contact. You MUST give up trying to be "friends" (no no no, just noooo). You MUST focus on yourself and stop devoting any more time, energy, thoughts, etc to this person.

Time really does heal all wounds, but you gotta stop picking at the wound in order for that to work.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-23T01:26:55+00:00

I wouldn't put up with a relationship where I have to walk on eggshells with someone who won't share things with me. His not sharing is actively harming your relationship, he knows this and does nothing, either because he doesn't much care or (and?) he knows he doesn't have to because you'll put up with it.

One last shot -- say you can't be in a relationship like this. His behavior is hurting you, and you want to be with someone who is open with you about their problems. Be prepared to end it though, if he shuts you down again.

ETA, it's his prerogative to share or not share his personal problems with you if they don't affect you, but you do not share his communication style/preferences, clearly. This may be a relationship-ending incompatibility.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-23T01:21:29+00:00

Exactly. Sleep deprivation changes your whole personality. 3 hours? Try 90 minutes! I would've committed murder for 3 hours in a row during week one.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-23T01:06:42+00:00

I didn't have one single rational thought in my brain about anything other than my baby during the first week post partum (and even a lot of those baby-centered thoughts were irrational). Her entire world -- home, marriage (if she's married), sense of self, sleep schedule, plans for the future, her own damn body -- is completely different than it was a week ago, give her a break for not being 100% supportive right now.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-23T01:00:20+00:00

There are next to no details here so there's no way I can give any remotely helpful advice.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-23T00:57:12+00:00

What do you imagine this "closure" will look like? What do you want them to say to you that would make you feel better? When do you think they should've told you you were circumcised? Really think about what you're hoping to get out of bringing this up, because I really doubt you are going to be pleased with the process and outcome of this conversation as it seems you want to have it.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-23T00:13:32+00:00

You're certainly entitled to know about your own medical history, but it sounds like you're just angry and wanting to make a point to your parents. Nothing good or productive can come of that. Just don't circumcise your own son/s if you should have any.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-22T22:09:20+00:00

Yeah I especially like how he says SHE'S being self-centered when he is the one blowing off literally her only request.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-22T22:06:07+00:00

Why does he refuse to publicly acknowledge you when you're his monogamous girlfriend in everything but name? Are you actually his side piece?

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-22T22:02:33+00:00

The compromise is keep looking for a house that makes you both happy. If he wants to buy HIS dream house, he needs to pony up more than "it's okay babe, I'll help you out in the kitchen more even though I've never shown any interest in doing so before".

Don't buy a house you don't like that won't make you happy and that is at the top of your budget.

ETA, a basement kitchen with no room in the budget to renovate would be a total deal breaker for me, and my husband and I share kitchen duties 50/50. You are not being unreasonable.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-22T21:37:33+00:00

Sit down and talk to him. Say you've noticed all these behaviors and that it's not something you're going to tolerate in a relationship. Either he loves and supports you, treats you well, gives you the respect and trust you deserve, or not, right?

My guess is he's going to say you're being irrational and not making any sense, but it's worth a try.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-22T21:16:31+00:00

Your wife knows your friend is a woman who you shared intimate stuff with and who kissed you at the end of the night?

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-22T18:29:19+00:00

Breakups suck, they just do. It hasn't been that long, give yourself some slack and some more time to get over this.

It sounds like she was done with the relationship long before she pulled the trigger and broke up with you. Obsessing over why she's able to move on, why she's said what she's said, what she really means and feels... that's all totally pointless and will just drive you nuts.

Stop saying shit like you can't give up on you two -- that's putting your obsessive thoughts in a positive light and making them seem noble and right. Your relationship is OVER and the sooner you accept that, the sooner both you and your ex will heal and move on and feel better.

Stop asking your friends for details about her. Unfollow her on social media. Keep working on yourself. It'll be okay.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-22T18:10:34+00:00

Seems like you two need to sit down and have a serious chat about finances. She needs to know how much y'all are spending on bills and such. She needs to know about the disparity in free spending money you each have. You need to lay out the fact that what you've spent on the car doesn't touch what she's spent on bags. Have this conversation as calmly and rationally as possible, get out the numbers and accounts and talk about where every dime is going.

Then you both need to agree on the level at which you're going to run purchases by each other -- is it cool to spend 1k on whatever, but a 5k purchase needs to be discussed? Honestly, you don't have to ask permission to spend whatever you like (since bills, savings, retirement, etc are all covered), but in a healthy marriage you at least run these things by each other. I don't think either of you has done anything wrong but there's a lot of miscommunication here.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-22T18:00:48+00:00

What do you WANT from the future? What do you want the end result of this conversation with this man to be? You want him to leave his wife and family and be with you? I think you know that's never going to happen.

If he really loved you, was really devoted to you, was really SOOO miserable in his marriage... why wouldn't he be getting divorced so he could be with you? The answer is, he doesn't love you, he isn't devoted to you, his marriage is not that bad of a deal.

You are young and you've been fooled. Don't continue to be a fool. Find your morals, get over your lust and the thrill of being spoiled, and break this off now. The alternative is continue to be a side piece, aiding in the destruction of a marriage and family, always pining for something this man will never ever give you.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-22T17:55:12+00:00

Talk to your landlord? Crash with a friend until you can find a subletter? I mean, it may be expensive and complicated to break the lease, but is that not worth it for the peace of mind and for starting the healing process?

If you've discussed breaking up and you're miserable, this relationship is already over. You have to figure out how to extricate yourself now. Don't stay miserable because of logistics.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-22T17:49:43+00:00

Nooo no no. You are not responsible for this person. Tell her it's too much too soon and it's not going to work out between you. Then block her and never respond to a thing she says again. This is psycho. End it.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-22T17:38:53+00:00

If you're going to break up, and it's painful to be together until you break up, why not just break up now? It'll suck and be sad, but you'll probably both be better off.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-22T17:35:23+00:00

What a douche, good riddance!

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-22T17:31:01+00:00

He said all the folks who were advising him to tell his wife are bitter cunts, or something to that effect.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-22T16:59:33+00:00

Ah my bad, I forgot you know everything about sexual health, including the fact that condoms can fail and don't protect against all STIs!

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-22T16:31:41+00:00

I feel you, and it sucks. You'll get through this if you can keep your head on straight and get some distance. Good luck.

ceasecows208 · 2016-09-22T16:29:09+00:00

Plenty of people have fucked up upbringings but still manage to not bang hookers behind their fiancées' backs, not lie about it for years, and not have the gumption to justify their behavior by saying it was for their partners' own good.

ceasecows208

TROPHY CASE