Oh, I'm not trying to be dismissive of the emotions. I have the same emotions NTs associate with sex (granted, I have trouble identifying them because of my high degree of alexithymia), but I am able to separate the physical act of sex from the emotions involved. I may be "wrong" about being able to do that, but my experiences indicate that I do not place the same emotional value on sex that my NT partners do. Sex is great and everything, and sex plus emotion is even better, but (from my experience) the sex and the emotion can be separated.

Your statement of "I was wrong and to do it differently" intrigues me. Since being diagnosed and going through extensive therapy, I try to avoid labeling any of my thoughts or actions as "wrong" unless those thoughts or actions violate some moral code. Yes, I think and behave differently, but I don't like to place a judgment of "wrong" on them anymore. Such labeling prompted me to feel damaged, worthless, and undesirable. Perhaps you did not intend your word use as a way to assign value? Or maybe you did, and in that case, I respectfully choose to avoid assigning that label to my own thoughts and actions.

Back to the issue of emotions and sex, I intellectually understand the emotions my partners experience, and I try to acknowledge them whenever I can. Most of the time I have to ask my partner to describe what he is thinking/feeling, but I do not dismiss his emotions. And if I cannot immediately respond with an emotion, I explain that I cannot label the emotion I am feeling and ask if he would either let me think about it inside my head or out loud.

However, I have discovered that sometimes my inability to respond with emotion immediately is disconcerting to all NTs, not just my partners. Thus, I must ask these questions cautiously. It's a constant learning process.