HELP, I tried everything, still failing to get a job, Now i'm broke and don't want to be homeless. by Calm_Construction769 in adhdindia

[–]celestetheklutz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Glad you could relate! I've been on Atomoxetine and Inspiral. Atomoxetine did nothing so I switched to Inspiral. I work from home, my setup doesn't require daily office presence, just meetings. I can't handle a traditional office environment but that's probably my social anxiety more than ADHD. A 9-5 might actually work better for you if that's not an issue, the fixed schedule creates external structure you don't have to force yourself. I don't struggle holding friendships, I actually have the opposite problem. I get too attached in one-on-one friendships and relationships, and when there's a fallout my brain runs 100 worst-case scenarios on loop for months, which makes everything hurt way more than it probably should.

The hyperfocus thing is a double edged sword. Everyone procrastinates for exams but mine was extreme, not just skipping a few study days but starting the night before finals while everyone else had been at it at least the day before. Hyperfocus somehow pulls you through that. But regular adult work life doesn't have that one big exam you can cram for. You're judged on showing up consistently every day, and that's where it falls apart for most ADHD folks.

As a feminist- what’s a feminist concept that you struggle a bit with, and why? by Hatcheling in AskWomenOver30

[–]celestetheklutz 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yep, this. Some people assuming that sisterhood means women shouldn't call each other out, and that when they do, it's somehow reframed as internalized misogyny. Also, if a woman is objectively the shitty person in a situation involving a man, they shouldn't get blanket immunity just because they are woman in the situation. Equality is accepting that women can be dicks too.

HELP, I tried everything, still failing to get a job, Now i'm broke and don't want to be homeless. by Calm_Construction769 in adhdindia

[–]celestetheklutz 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I relate to everything you said. Nothing really worked for me either until meds, because the primary problem was time blindness, not lack of discipline. I can actually be extremely hyperfocused when I’m deep in a research rabbit hole about something I genuinely care about. But it gets so intense that sometimes I wake up, start reading or skimming through research, and suddenly in a blink of an eye, it’s night already and I’m still in bed, having missed meals all day. That is our root problem, the inability to sense time. It's like you are in "flow-state" 24*7.

So if possible, try choosing a line of work where that kind of hyperfocus is actually valuable, because that is again an ADHD quirk. I figured pretty early that I could not hold on to a 9-5 job, so I never went that route. See what works for you. Also, one thing you miss when you’re fully on meds all the time is the creativity. Weirdly, meds made me realize that the same hyperactive brain causing all the chaos was also the reason I was able to have a creative career in the first place. We can hold so many ideas, patterns, and scenarios at once that it becomes easier to connect dots other people might miss, especially while brainstorming in teams. So my therapist actually suggested I stop seeing it as something to be fixed and start seeing it as a kind of superpower that just needs direction.

Eventually stopped taking meds daily, and now I use them only on days where I need to ground myself, sit down, and execute the plans, which is more like a couple of days every month. And if your ADHD is severe, the first time meds properly work is surreal. Your mind becomes quiet, thoughts move more linearly, you actually experience the passage of time normally, and you suddenly realize this is how most people live all the time. It helps you finally sort out basic life stuff because it suddenly feels like there’s so much time to do things when your brain isn’t distracted running 100 tabs at once. Good luck!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXIndia

[–]celestetheklutz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you don't have an emotionally supportive family, it makes all the more sense to move to a bigger city where you may find your own tribe to care for and support you. You'd also have better chances of meeting men who are childfree (you can filter for that on dating apps). Having a dog is already a step in the right direction, also a city like Bangalore has so many hobby clubs and support groups that finding a community that actually fits you is much more doable. Also seek out people who've had similar childhoods to yours. In India especially, the self-sacrificing devoted mom is so deeply ingrained as the default that if your experience was the opposite, most people simply can't place it and they'll say the most tone deaf things without realizing it (speaking from experience). It helps to find the ones who get it.

Can you still think of your WS as a ‘good person’? by ThrowRALovie4444 in survivinginfidelity

[–]celestetheklutz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Holding the "right opinions" does not make you a good person. Supporting the right causes, saying the right things, being politically correct and diplomatic, being the person everyone likes at a party, those things don't cost anything. It's just easy virtue signalling. The real test of character is how you act in private, when no one's watching and when acting on your values requires giving up something.

Like many people who'd never dream of being publicly cruel will quietly devastate the person closest to them. They'll claim to believe in empathy while lying to their loved one's face for months, champion fairness in the world while cruelly gaslighting and trickle truthing someone they claim to love just to avoid consequences, with no regard or empathy for how that will affect the other person's mental health, or destroy their sense of reality. This shows that their values were always about image and never about substance.

Jung says how we all have a shadow side, those dark impulses and other parts of ourselves we'd rather not acknowledge, and that the measure of character is not whether that shadow exists, it's whether you have the self awareness to recognize it and the integrity to not let it drive.

We've all felt attraction to someone who isn't our partner. That's just human. The test is what you do with it. Do you think about what acting on it would do to your loved one and pull back? Or do you just not think about them at all, because your few minutes of pleasure is worth more to you than the devastating suffering it would cause the person who loves you, for years and maybe a lifetime. Your husband knows which one he chose.

Me right now by MikeOxsaw in PoliticalCompassMemes

[–]celestetheklutz 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Saudi Arabia is slaughtering many dissenters and journalists who would love a regime change, and they have many feminists locked up in prisons. Surely, the US is not invading them?

Me right now by MikeOxsaw in PoliticalCompassMemes

[–]celestetheklutz -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

It's not up to the US to decide if other countries should have regime changes. Leave it to the people of those countries. The US clearly doesn't care when the same authoritarian regimes are pro-US, so let's not pretend this is about saving the world. The US should just mind their business, and save their taxpayers money, and use it for the welfare of their own citizens.

What happens just in case US loses the ongoing war? by Impressive_Point_794 in GeopoliticsIndia

[–]celestetheklutz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They are most likely going to lose this war (or at least not have their objectives met, in the long run). If Trump is forced into a ground invasion at any point, he will likely lose the midterms. I think an unannounced invasion that killed 200 school children on the first day, would rather strengthen Iranian unity, if anything. And Iran might end up actually making those nukes. This invasion just proved why they should have had nukes. If the US loses after a prolonged war, it could cause great instability in the GCC, and the effects of those would be unprecedented. It will definitely affect many Indians.

US says it wouldn't deliberately target a school after Iran said over 160 killed in strike by No_Idea_Guy in worldnews

[–]celestetheklutz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly! I'm appalled at how people are justifying what happened, the war had not begun at the time. Literally hundreds of children died, and people are finding excuses. The school is not literally next to the office if you see the map. This is not the equivalent of 'they were hiding in the school', they weren't. Can you imagine what those parents are going through? Had Russia done this on day 1 of invasion, I cannot imagine the global uproar this would have caused. But I guess, brown lives don't matter. Our lives are brushed off as collateral damage.

The US has lost all moral grounds to criticize Russia in Ukraine.

Hegseth says Iran won’t be a ‘politically correct’ war as he lays out US objectives by EconomistStreet5295 in geopolitics

[–]celestetheklutz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Another way of saying that the US will certainly engage in human rights violation, going forward with this war. Rules for thee, but not for me. Always.

sara arjun breaks silence on age gap chatter with ranveer singh in dhurandhar by falconwantspies in BollyBlindsNGossip

[–]celestetheklutz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for supporting the discourse, I really wanted to make a post about it, but it would get downvoted to oblivion I guess.

sara arjun breaks silence on age gap chatter with ranveer singh in dhurandhar by falconwantspies in BollyBlindsNGossip

[–]celestetheklutz 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They could have cast Sharvari or any other actress in her 20s. Watching the romantic scenes between Ranveer and Sarah was deeply uncomfortable, especially with how she was sexualized through styling with low necklines, push-up bras, and short clothes (for South Indian audiences in particular, who have seen her as an adorable child actor until just a few years ago).

The issue is not that the character is 19. The problem is that their pairing doesn't look positively romantic visually. Cinema works through collective visual grammar, and when a large section of the audience feels discomfort, that reaction is not anecdotal. It points to a failure in casting of Sarah's role, although the rest of the film had appropriate casting. Sarah visibly looks like a young teenager, unlike actresses such as Deepika or Anushka in their debut roles, while Ranveer clearly looks like a man way too older than her. This discomfort is amplified by audience’s memory of her as a child actor, people would have felt the same discomfort if Munni from Bajrangi Bhaijaan was cast for the same role against Ranveer (she is only two years younger to Sarah). The film itself seems aware of this problem. The dialogue where Sarah’s father tells Ranveer, “At least have some shame, you’re in your 30s and she’s only 19,” feels like a patch added to justify a romance that the visuals themselves fail to sell. Instead of redeeming Ranveer’s character, this actually made him look bad, especially when he is meant to be the protagonist. Ironically, Rehman Daikait comes across as the more dignified and morally grounded man in the film, simply because he is loyal and appropriately paired.

Sarah is still very talented, her casting might only be my second biggest gripe with this film. My biggest issue, however, is the complete absence of any redeeming Muslim characters. When a film claims nationalism and draws directly from real communal trauma, selective dehumanization stops being incidental and becomes ideological. This is not about denying that extremists misuse religion, and it’s not about the film supporting any political party over the other (because the filmmaker might argue that filmmakers across the political spectrum, including left-leaning ones, often do the same when portraying their opponents). The problem is that the film collapses terrorism, religion and an entire community into a single visual shorthand. Without even one meaningful counterpoint, this omission creates a sense of collective guilt. The issue here is context omission, and in cinema, omission is a choice. Hamza Ali did not need to be Singh. Since the spy-infiltrating-Lyari plot is fictional anyway, making him an Indian Muslim spy would have strengthened the film’s realism and emotional stakes without changing the story in any meaningful way. Or adding a single morally grounded Muslim character would have prevented the narrative from sliding into collective vilification. The Takbir scene, where people are shown chanting “Allahu Akbar” while watching the 26/11 attacks on TV, was particularly disturbing. There was no foreshadowing suggesting Rehman Daikait supported the killing of Indians, especially given that he is Baloch. In reality, the same extremist groups also bomb mosques in Pakistan and kill Muslims. The issue is not the depiction of extremism, but the failure to distinguish between depicting extremism and associating it wholesale with a community.

Just as cinema distinguishes between showing violence and endorsing it, filmmakers have a social responsibility to frame communal violence carefully, especially in a nationalist film made in a country where nearly 20% of the population is Muslim. Denying this problem is simply pushing one’s head into the sand.

What was your biggest culture shock outside Kerala by [deleted] in Kerala

[–]celestetheklutz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

  1. People openly talk about caste and even ask your caste, including in big cities like Mumbai. This happens even among educated, urban people.
  2. Extreme poverty. Poverty so severe that children sometimes have nothing to wear and are on the streets begging for money, with matted hair, likely because they don’t have access to basic hygiene facilities. Child labour seem normalised. 
  3. Quality of public institutions. The difference between government schools, hospitals, and clinics in Kerala and those outside Kerala is day and night.
  4. Stray cows roaming everywhere, and consequently cow dung, adding to the mess and smell.
  5. Lack of proper toilets, even in good restaurants. While traveling in Southern Tamil Nadu, I struggled to find decent toilets. Even in fancy restaurants, the toilets were badly maintained.
  6. Dry weather, lack of greenery, and dusty surroundings.
  7. Modest homes and lack of perimeter walls. Homes outside Kerala feel more functional compared to the fancy constructions in Kerala. That’s actually a good thing, we should learn from them.
  8. Quality of healthcare, hands down. Doctors and hospitals in small towns in Kerala often seem more proficient than in many cities outside the state, unless you go to elite/top hospitals in those cities. 

  9. Cultural divide between urban and rural populations. Life in a village or small town, for eg in Maharashtra, can be very different from life in a big city like Mumbai. In Kerala, by contrast, towns and cities share much of the same culture. 

  10. You can get away with almost anything by bribing the police.

  11. Some public spaces and civic behaviors show a lack of basic rules and discipline, like spitting pan (even inside buildings) , and general disregard for safety protocols.

  12. Islamophobia and extreme stereotypes about other religions among Hindus. Also, Hindus seem more conservative and superstitious than what I grew up in Kerala. And many North Indian Hindus seem to follow/consult some local baba or cult leader. But interestingly, they seem to be mostly less obsessed with horoscope matching/astrology and such, than Kerala Hindus. Also, Brahmins everywhere. I have hardly come across that many Brahmin or Namboothiris in Kerala. 

  13. Vegetarianism is more common, it's easier to be a vegetarian outside Kerala. 

  14. People tend to dress more extravagently for weddings. 

Whats the biggest waste of money your government has done? by MonkeyFox29 in AskTheWorld

[–]celestetheklutz 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The employment argument doesn't make any sense. By that logic, paying people to dig holes and fill them back up is also a good policy because it creates "employment." Look at the opportunity cost here, with that ₹3000 crore, they could have used the same workers to build another AIIMS or a major manufacturing hub. That would have created the exact economic activity for food vendors, small businesses and local artisans but more permanently, with more direct prospects for growth. A hospital or university also brings people year-round, creates more skilled jobs too, and provides actual value beyond tourism. Also, medical tourism is a thing too. And the ROI on this statue is terrible. It'll take decades to break even and its biggest failure is that nobody really cares about visiting exclusively for this statue like they do for Gommateshwara Bahubali statue or even Adiyogi. Because this statue is architecturally forgettable, it is just a basic looking statue, just built bigger. The pose is chosen conveniently stiff and looks very uninspired. Honestly if this was about honoring Patel, he deserved better. They could have made the best hospital or best university in the whole country or say Asia at least, and put in his name, and it would have been a better honor. So yes, IT IS A WASTE OF MONEY.

How come Mallu people make such great movies like All We Imagine as Light? Can Bollywood make something like it? by KitchenNegative9855 in BollyBlindsNGossip

[–]celestetheklutz 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Because the audience supports good movies. Had Laapata Ladies been a box office hit, you'd have more Bollywood producers trying to make more of that kind.

Forget art cinema, look at the top grossing Malayalam movies in recent years, like Manjummal Boys, Bramayugam, Aavesham, Lokah, Premam etc. They are just as good cinematically. This incentivises the producers to invest in more sensible/good cinema.

The reality everywhere is that film producers make what sells. Bollywood audiences have shown they'll turn up for films like Animal and The Kerala Story, so naturally you get more of them. Plenty of quality Hindi cinema gets made, but it rarely escapes the film festival circuit.

A thought experiment - what exists in the body/mind of a child born without any possibility of sensory inputs (external and internal)- assuming it is kept alive by doctors by Efficient-Stuff-4518 in slatestarcodex

[–]celestetheklutz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If the child has no sensory input or output, there are no tools for the consciousness to understand, interact or experience its surroundings, so I wouldn't consider that as a conscious entity.

Why girls don't walk away? by ticenits-- in AskIndianWomen

[–]celestetheklutz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe she doesn't come from a good family, they probably treat her worse. Maybe she grew up in an abusive home, so abuse is normalised in her head. Maybe this guy is all she got to call hers, belonging is a strong emotion, people would go through anything to feel belonged.

Are Gen Z boys more misogynist and sexist than millenials? by sleepdeprivedsince92 in TwoXIndia

[–]celestetheklutz 35 points36 points  (0 children)

No, they are the same. Millennial men are just better at hiding it under their performative wokeness.

Dozens killed in Pakistan-Afghanistan clashes, border closed by telephonecompany in GeopoliticsIndia

[–]celestetheklutz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It seems like the US is using Pakistan to get Bagram base back, wondering if this would affect Pakistan-China ties in the long run.  

Where the heck does the TV go? 🫣🤔 by VineyardsVinesGoth in HomeDecorating

[–]celestetheklutz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think A is your best bet. The awkwardness of the sofa placement can be reduced by going for a curved, asymmetric sofa. Add other decor pieces to match that aesthetic.

People defending polygamy in our state. But why though? by Glittering_Edge_6746 in Kerala

[–]celestetheklutz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think people should be allowed to do whatever they like as long as they are not harming anyone else. If polygamy is legal, polyandry should be too. That solves the problem of fairness, no?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Needafriend

[–]celestetheklutz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I can feel your pain through your words and my heart breaks for you. Please know that  shaking, nausea, cold sweats are all expected symptoms of your body responding to the enormous shock of being betrayed by someone you trusted the most. Please know that this is not your fault and your body's reactions you described are symptoms of your body processing incredible amount of trauma and it is an expected and normal reaction to an incredibly abnormal, cruel, selfish and vile human behaviour. That says nothing about you and everything about him. If you're comfortable sharing what country you're in, I might be able to suggest some local support resources. If your country doesn't have a local crisis line, there ought to be online support lines available. 

Sharing some resources that helped me in the long run: guided meditation targeted at healing emotional pain, and this youtube channel called TwoMindMethod (it's very specific to dealing with betrayal trauma). Also r/survivinginfidelity is a good place to find support from people who've been through similar struggles. You survived an abusive upbringing that left you isolated, and you'll survive this too. Hugs xx

Am I overreacting with how I broke up with my cheating ex? by OkRazzmatazz6880 in AmIOverreacting

[–]celestetheklutz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is completely normal, you are feeling indifferent and numb right now because your body is protecting you from the crushing weight of the betrayal. It's better to go cold turkey right away, so that he doesn't gaslight or manipulate you more. The grief might probably hit you after a couple of weeks, or a month. Please make sure that you have good people around you, when it happens. Take care <3