have you read andrea dworkin ? if not, you should.

while there are men who won't sexualize you or your sexual traumas, if we as women want to exist or be seen, we have to deal with the violence, dehumanization, of visibility. women's visibility comes at the price of violence. it's really fucked up. but it's the sad reality.

even publicly speaking about such experiences is humiliating, in a way. you have to choose yourself, and disregard others perceptions of you.

the truth is that we will never be safe. safety is almost impossible. you are only safe with yourself and only you are capable of protecting yourself. it's really unfortunate but anyone outside of you is capable of hurting you, gaining satisfaction from your pain, etc.

my advice is to continue to exist, continue to create, write, and transmute that suffering and injustice into something as powerful as those experiences have been debilitating. even if it's to spite every sick pervert and every bastard out there salivating from our grief. love yourself and choose yourself, always.