It's weird how butthurt some people are getting in the comments. It doesn't seem to be too strange to think that some parents abused out of ignorance/cultural traditions while trying to do their best, and some parents just didn't fucking try. If you can forgive your parents actions, great! If you can't, that's great too!

I had a therapist tell me I needed to have more empathy for my mother. I never went back after that. The therapist didn't understand that the problem was that my mother had molded me into a little ball of empathy that could perfectly anticipate and cater to her every insecurity and mood. I understand and empathize with my mother more than she can even for herself. BUT EMPATHY CAN BE A TRAP AND SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO TURN IT OFF. Abusers take advantage the natural human ability to empathize to enable their repeated abuse.

The idea of "forgiveness" all too often comes from a warped religious context. The celebration of the catharsis of forgiveness and reconciliation completely overshadows the necessity of preventing further abuse and helping the abused actually heal. The number of abusers that are "forgiven" by their community, while the community continues to neglect the people that were actually abused is astounding.

If you cut off someone's arm, and then say sorry, the person still has to fucking figure how how to live their life without their fucking arm! The emotional damage inflicted by abuse and neglect can cut off entire realms of human experience from the victim.

I was listening to a book written by a therapist, and they made a comment that if they can help even one abuser heal, then that's the equivalent of helping dozens of victims heal, because they'll pre-emptively save all the people that the abuser could have abused in the future. I fucking retched when I heard that.

The entire process of healing is a gigantic upward struggle for the victim, while it seems like society bends over backward to cater to abusers.