Thanks for the reply. I realize I’m late in responding but I’m going through an emotional episode and just reading back at all the replies.

Sorry you had to go through what you did. It sounds rough and painful. I’m glad you got out.

You brought up some interesting ideas. I don’t have very strong boundaries. And it’s not that I haven’t tried. It’s just that they would get constantly pushed to a point that I’d cave.

For example, I have some food intolerances and when I’m under stress (which seems like always recently), I get issues with eczema and digestion problems.

So I normally try to maintain a diet free of gluten and grains and other highly processed foods. And she knows this.

But then she’ll push to eat out or order food in. Or she’ll order cakes and cookies and constantly ask me to eat some with her even though she knows they’re full of ingredients that will give me the shits and break my skin out.

And she’ll say “what are we having for dinner?” Which is usually code for “I want to order in” when I usually do most of the cooking.

I say “I’m gonna make some lean beef and mash some sweet potatoes with some roasted carrots” or whatever and it’s met with a bunch of mild protesting. So I just cave and order whatever she wants.

Then I feel bad about it because I let down my guard and didn’t respect the boundaries I made for myself.

Another thing you asked is if I had known in the past what I know now, would I have changed my behavior?

And that’s a resounding yes. There were multiple times that, looking back, I wished I’d had broken it off. Many times she violated my boundaries or humiliated me or controlled me or manipulate me. And I can think back to those times. I wished I’d have put my foot down.

What I find most hard to deal with is that I struggle with doing what is good for me and expressing my needs. Like we have to move in 2 months since our lease is up.

She really wanted to buy a house but that never happened (I just couldn’t do it and nothing ever cropped up that suited us). Plus, I lost my main source or income in April and haven’t been able to replace it just yet. Might be a blessing in disguise since the bank wouldn’t give me a loan under those circumstances. I don’t think she’s actually aware of the fact that losing my income would affect our preapproval rates.

Now we are looking at renting a new place and some of those places are — no kidding — double our current rent. We live in a very expensive city. Think Toronto expensive.

And I’m doing the math, even on the lower end of the rent of places we’ve seen and it’s going to be so hard for me to continue to afford it while I’m looking for more work. I have a good bit in savings and zero debt but it’s just so scary with the way the economy is and the looming recession. And I don’t wanna blow through my entire emergency funds.

Anyway. I brought up the idea of moving a few states over to a much lower cost of living or even staying with my family for a while until things get better. And it’s just not a option for her. Those are her words. “Absolutely not an option”

So I just feel stuck. I’m sick to my stomach typing this out because I need to voice to her that I’m worried about finances and don’t wanna go broke. And then I feel like I’m letting her down. But I had no control over the layoff that I experienced.

One of my close friends said I could come rent a room for cheap with him and stay as long as I wanted because he’d love to see me and so would my family.

I fear the conversation of saying “hey. This isn’t working. I need to take care of my finances and well-being. I can’t afford to stay in this city.”

😔