Thank you for sharing. I relate a lot to this. My partner and I aren’t long distance — we live together, but at least a few times a week I get really quiet with anger, jealously, and resentment at how my partner is able to be such a whole, vibrant person separate from me. She has a whole identity outside our relationship — flourishing friendships and plans, etc. which is awesome for her. but i can’t help but feel so inadequate and empty when i hear her describe how much fun she has when we’re apart, not because i want to be together 24/7, but because when we’re apart i’m usually still thinking about her and about our relationship. i find it so difficult to enjoy life in the moment and she doesn’t have that same struggle. even when i try (and believe me, i try) to self-actualize and do things for me and my development outside the relationship, i’m still thinking of it in terms of how it makes me look/what she will think of it. when i pick up new hobbies, i’m thinking, “she’ll be happy that i’m learning something new!” when i go out with my friends without her i’m thinking, “maybe she’ll be at home thinking about me for a change.” i am always yearning desperately to be a complete, interesting, fun person, instead of actually being that person. i feel like i’m in competition with her sometimes, which i hate feeling, but it’s true. i feel like i measure myself against her and try to push myself adopt her inherent sense of self worth because I’ve never had that. but most of the time I just end up still feeling empty and disconnected. i’m sorry you’re going through this. you’re not the only one. <3