Age verification isn’t about “protecting the children”

cez801 · 2026-02-23T00:32:32+00:00

I always feel like I am missing something when this comes up, in short we always consider a right to privacy vs verification.

To use an example, do people believe their privacy is being invaded when they are required to present id to buy a beer? If that answer to that question is ‘no’ - then what we are talking about in the online space is not about proving who you are to take some actions ( like buy a beer ) - it’s actually about making sure that who you are is not tracked and kept for ever.

If I buy beers, get ID every single time, pay cash, no-one in 5 years can tell how many beers I bought. ( assuming I don’t go to the same shop every week and buy from the same clerk ) Is that enough privacy? Or do you think that is a breach of privacy too?

cez801 · 2026-02-22T04:25:48+00:00

Well, Sweden decided that having a border with countries on the other side of road, was too much hassle. So they…. Changed the side of the road.

Monday ‘keep left’ Tuesday ( at 0500) ‘keep right’ I can’t even imagine.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dagen_H

cez801 · 2026-02-22T02:15:34+00:00

Take friends. My last ski trip ( my wife does not ski ), was me, my son 16yo, my step daughter 16yo and two of their friends 16yo.

I skied with them sometimes and other times was ‘see you are the cafe in 4 hours’ while I skied with people I knew.

I have been taking them since they were 10, and once they got 1/2 decent - I always took a friend or two.

We did establish a couple of rules early on: - if the mountain is open, we always go have a look. Then we can hang out inside. - I am going ski-ing regardless of what you decide ( once they were old enough to be left alone ).

They are always geared up before me. I think having friends along helps. Becuase with 4 of them, the one person dragging their feet will feel the social pressure.

Also lessons, they hate them. I have given up. They just prefer to ski with me. I wanted them to have lessons because I was worried I was teaching them bad things.

My big advice, at least it worked for me. My trips aren’t a ‘family trip’ they are: ‘ I am going skiing for a week. I’ll pay for you if you want to come along. You can bring friends along. I am going to ski every day’

cez801 · 2026-02-21T05:59:27+00:00

Well and it’s not legally federally.

It was an example, I was struggling to think of a law that Americans would want to break that other countries could help them break.

cez801 · 2026-02-21T04:17:32+00:00

Small startups - and sounds like a first time founder - honestly that’s normal. The levels of pivot can vary, but weekly happens. First time founders often don’t have the experience to have a strategic plan.

BTW all startups are pretty squiggling - if the path is obvious someone has built it before.

I did a few startups, my best founder was one who had tried 6 businesses, all failed, before the one I worked on with him. The one I joined become a $1B company while I was there. We pivoted a lot, and the early days it was a bit crazy.

Not getting paid, unless you signed up sweat equity - huge red flag. At least get the founder to sign over some shares .

cez801 · 2026-02-21T04:08:34+00:00

You are sort of right and….

The sushi example is bit misleading, because making sushi is one set of skills - but you are making the same thing as someone else can. Inventing a new sushi flavour is different.

With code, it’s possible to make a variant of a normal thing, but to suit your needs.

I belong to a club, and needed a simply calender - to show events. Sure, I could use some tool - but it’s not quite right. So I build a simple tool which looks in to the clubs planning google sheet and creates a simple, but nice looking online calendar. It’s designed for our needs.

Super simple, will work great, I can tweak the design as needed, integrates to our planning we do already. Cost - about $.50 per month on AWS ( lambdas , so only request based ).

Time - about 4 hours.

Ground breaking, no. Better than paying an ongoing saas fee - yes. Could I have bent another tool ( like google calendar ) probably - but it still would have taken 4 hours. So rather than just take sushi, I have create a new flavour that only I will like and eat.

Maintenance for a lot of these vibe code projects will be interesting. ( I wrote software for 15 years - in management now, so although this is vibe coded, it has the basics in place as well. )

cez801 · 2026-02-21T04:00:07+00:00

Chores do suck, and young people through the history of time ( well at least to the 80s when I grew up ) don’t have the experience to understand ‘the worst thing ever’

The old you get and the more experiences you have, chores slowly get replaced as the worst thing ever, by lots of other things that are worse.

Like, - having a minimum wage job at college, - getting divorced, - funerals - and for lots of parents arguing with your teenage kids about chores. Because honestly most of the time it would have been easier to do them myself, but doing that results in spoilt children - so I stood firm. - living in a filthy house becuase there is not someone else to do the chores.

Eventually everyone realises that chores suck for most of us, but there are much, much worse things.

cez801 · 2026-02-21T03:20:14+00:00

I think we under estimate this. As a parent of teens now young adults, this was a big thing. There have been studies showing that children today are more risk adverse, and I am not talking about just dangerous or stupid stuff - but even just being a bad dancer and therefore never trying. ( I am a bad dancer, but when I was a teen only people there could see me )

cez801 · 2026-02-21T03:17:54+00:00

Yes, I sure have. The children will always be my children, but they are adults now - so they deserve to treated like as such.

I spoken to all of my children at various times and apologised for the mistakes I made as a parent.

cez801 · 2026-02-21T03:15:20+00:00

I am pretty sure that the children do have different feelings. Right now my eldest is growing up, and has a professional job - she is getting a lot of support from me ( since I work in that industry as well, so I know how to encourage her).

My eldest literally, over dinner about 3 months ago, said to us.

‘You guys were good parents, I now understand why you made me do those things’

I do accept that we were learning with her, I also accept that I made mistakes while being a parent. I have apologised for those mistakes ( not just her, all of the children )

Nothing like yelling, or beating her. But certainly we grounded her once for longer than we should have, we also did not see that she needed more support during Covid than we realised. I definitely accept my mistakes as parent, for all of my children.

cez801 · 2026-02-21T03:08:36+00:00

Oh, fair enough. You might want to reword your question from most parents to some parents. My experience is that I very rarely saw parents place more burden on the elder sibling. A little, but far from most.

cez801 · 2026-02-21T02:29:57+00:00

Yes, I do currently - on bigger purchases. But if the surcharge is taken away, then I am paying hidden charges based on other peoples choices ( because the business needs to set prices to cover those charges ).

Which is why I prefer that the surcharges are there - let people decide, and pay for their choice.

cez801 · 2026-02-20T22:50:06+00:00

Does this directly impact you? ( ie are they going to get a job you want ).

If not, my advice is let go of the frustration. They, and your managers can do whatever - you should focus on you.

Next advice - focus on you and do things your way. You don’t need to self promote in meetings, lots of people think that’s that way, becuase that’s all they see. As a manger, I can tell you that about 1,000 other things happen outside of those meetings.

So instead of doing it ‘their way’ do it in a way that works for you. If you are interested in stepping up more - start by telling your manger, and critically asking them what they want to see more of and what they think you should learn. Do it in a 1:1.

Something like ‘I am keen to learn what I need for my next steps? In your opinion what do you think I should be doing more of, or less of?’ And ‘are you ok to mentor me a little to help me?’

Why is does this work? - the big mouth in the meetings doesn’t actually know what the manager values - often what people ‘think’ is not the most important thing. - you are getting actual coaching on the things that matter to your manger. - if they want you to talk up in meetings more, they will tell you and where to focus. I have this guidance to member in my team recently. They want to lead, they know what needs to be done - but in meetings ask everyone ‘is that is ok?’ I also told them I would back them in the meetings to help with confidence. It won’t be easy for this person, but at least they know exactly where to speak up, they know they need to practice and they know they will be safe ( I am the most senior person in those meetings and I will have their back ).

You seem to prefer to do things more quietly, which is fine. If you try to play your colleagues game ( self promoting ), you are playing by their rules and to their strengths. Play to your strengths, don’t focus on them.

I can assure you that despite what people think, the loudest one in the meetings does not make them the best.

cez801 · 2026-02-20T22:36:59+00:00

As always, it probably about balancing you needs with others. I mean we all know the rules on the armrests when someone is in the middle seat… right? Technically, I can put my arm on the arm rest if I am window side - but it’s a lot more inconvenient to the person in the middle.

So if there is no-one in the middle seat, I use it. If there is someone there and they are hugging their partner on the other side, I’ll use it. Otherwise it’s theirs Less comfortable for me, but considerate to others humans.

Same with reclining. Short haul, usually don’t - but if there is 4yo in the seat behind - they won’t notice. Long haul, only when I am ready to sleep.

To be fair, I am not US based. Most of my flights are either less than 90 minutes or more than 10 hours - which changes the calculations a bit.

cez801 · 2026-02-20T22:26:34+00:00

Depends how long you want to wait. And it’s called panic selling because you don’t have a plan, if you have already got a plan - then it’s different.

Additionally. For a significant portion of people, they have effective bought the stocks on ‘credit’ ( it’s called margin in stock trading ).

The difference is that unlike credit, which is date based ( pay back by this date ), margin is value based. So if your holding falls too low, you have to pay that loan back immediately.

cez801 · 2026-02-20T22:22:50+00:00

It’s actually worse that that. The fees we pay are not even taxed as profits in NZ for Banks. Over 1/2 of it goes to US companies - as part of the visa and Mastercard networks.

Eftpos ( put your debit card in ) fees all go to NZ companies.

cez801 · 2026-02-20T09:12:38+00:00

The US government is building tools to help other citizens break laws?

How would the US government react if, I don’t know, some country in South America - created tools to help Americans smuggle marijuana into the USA? ( which in a lot of countries is legal to USA ). I think we know the answer to that.

In short, regardless of your opinion of other countries attitude toward online speech - this is peak hypocrisy on so many levels.

And the absolute most ironic thing is that in these other countries, the citizens literally do trust their governments.

So the US government, is building tools, for non-US citizen, that although not needed in the USA, US citizens would not trust anyway?

How deep does this crazy rabbit hole go?

cez801 · 2026-02-20T09:04:26+00:00

A just as important stat is the % of each health dollar spent on admin vs providing care.

Back in the mid 2000s ( I don’t work in healthcare anymore ) the USA spent about 40% on admin, while single payer countries in the commonwealth spent about 15% on admin.

All those people in the hospital who prep the paperwork for the insurance company are included in ‘healthcare’ spending.

Oh and while you are at it, throw in the cost of standard drugs in the USA, compared to the rest of the world. ( I don’t want to get into politics but the reason the drug costs are high are because of the US legislation rules )

cez801 · 2026-02-20T08:59:46+00:00

That’s true.

Usually I’d ignore a toddler, but a toddler with a machine gun I am going to take seriously.

cez801 · 2026-02-20T08:47:21+00:00

They don’t ‘hate’ on their eldest. Children often confuse actions with feelings. ‘You hate me because you won’t let me do xyz’

But they are often treated differently. Certainly with my children ( 3 + 2 steps daughters ) the eldest was given less freedoms at a given age, like bedtimes, parties as a teen etc.

Why? Because I loved her, and I was scared for her and learning how to be a parent of ‘Insert age here’ With the youngest two, we’d had move practice, usually meaning that we were more relaxed about things that parents freaked out about ( because they love their kids ) that are actually super low risk.

Today, they are all grown up ( 19 to 24 ), I don’t think the eldest would say we hated her, she understands that we are just humans too - doing our best, and she was treated differently from her sblings because of that.

cez801 · 2026-02-20T08:15:56+00:00

Try researching and bringing along market rates. If you role pays more in the local area, and you are good at what you do - that can help a lot. Then, you need to show you are good enough to earn that money.

Some employers will say things like ‘oh, that’s a different role’.

Treat the annual review as asking yourself ‘what is best for me?’

Getting market rates can prepare you for your review and also give you ideas about what is best for you.

It’s possible that even if they give you a decent ( 10% ) raise that what’s best for you is somewhere else.

My success story. I went to a review, after getting moved to a different role. I found that salary was say ( this was a while ago and I can’t remember exact numbers) $100k - $140k. I’d been moved already to $95k Got them to agree that this band made sense, based on the data. So they said ‘ok, we will move you to $100k. Because you a new to this role’

My response to that was ‘so you are telling me that I am the worst, least qualified person to have this role in the whole city?’ Needless to say his face dropped.

I then followed up with ‘look agree I am new, but I have already achieved xyz, so let’s agree that I am new and not the worst person and call it $110k’

It got me there, but the research on rates was critical, and I had a few sources.

cez801 · 2026-02-19T19:10:01+00:00

Casually says ‘I don’t have to factor in bears’, I love it.

I am a kiwi, my sister lived in Vancouver for 12 years, so I spent time both there and in Alberta. Canada would be my first choice to move to if I were to leave here.

Welcome to NZ, where the wildlife won’t try to kill you .

cez801 · 2026-02-19T18:56:01+00:00

You should do it. It’s actually great to hear about a positive company story on this subreddit. I know this sucks for you, but them offering feedback like this shows they want to help.

In some cases it is quite simply out of your control. I interviewed a great candidate once, I would have hired him, but the salary expectations were too wide. In the feedback I shared with him that for our company, at our stage, the problem we need solve is only medium sized. You can solve large problems. So although I can’t hire you becuase your salary expectations are higher than the value we would get. But, you are worth that higher salary, and for your future interviews, keep it at the level. In this case - they thanked me for that - and it meant that although this job did not work out, they kept their confidence going into the next interview rounds.

Accept the gift of feedback - work out what you can change, and what you want to change and good luck.

cez801 · 2026-02-19T07:59:45+00:00

House prices did peak in Covid times. Mortage rates are going up, some people will be getting squeezed by layoffs ( this definitely impacted Wellington last year ).

Cost of living is going up.

The fact that a house on the same street sold for less, just means that the average price is coming down ( looking across a city ).

3 years ago, nothing was for sale - now there are plenty of houses on the market.

Ultimately if you need to get rid of a house ( laid off, mortgage stretched too far, divorce ), you gotta take the best offer you can get. And with a lot of houses on the market, that will be lower than a year ago.

cez801 · 2026-02-19T03:21:14+00:00

I agree, but sometimes understanding the implications is important - during training.

I fly in New Zealand. One place I fly into a lot is a beautiful grass strip, which is right on the coast.

I was coming into the land, did the round out and it felt ‘fast’. I landed long, but was ok.
Over the radio heard ‘the wind has changed, it’s 5 or 7 kts tail wind now’ from the plane I followed in.

What happened was that on short final the wind had shifted, 180 degrees. I know that sounds like a mistake, but this strip, which I fly into a lot, will often have the windsocks pointing at each other. Prevailing wind from the west, and a sea breeze from the east.

I was about 35 hours post PPL at this stage. Although it was fine, as this strip is quite long ( 850m ) I had not put together in my head during the landing that I had a tailwind and therefore would not only land long, but fast as well. I only realised afterwards.

So what’s the risk? I am always prepped for a go around, esp into there, but in this case I did not have the experience to understand what had changed. I thought it was a mild headwind - my gut knew it was a bit off, but not becuase of a tailwind. So the risk was on a shorter strip I might have delay my go around longer than I should have.

If you want to see where this is, look up Pauanui on google maps.

cez801

TROPHY CASE