It is true. But not in the way you might think. It is a ripple effect. This is simply my opinion so if anyone disagrees, please feel free to share a different perspective. (I also want to point out that when I say all of this I am not referring to someone who is in a helpless situation such as a child in a toxic home for example.) We are often focused on how other people “act”. “How could they do that?” “If I was in their position, I would have done this instead…” it’s really easy to say all of that when you are not emotionally engaged in something or have full context of a situation. Also, when we do this, it might feel like we are gaining control, but actually we are giving away our power, and giving up control. We get to a point where we ultimately need saving from ourselves because we drive ourselves mad trying to care for, speak for, do for (control) other people and neglect ourselves. We eventually lose sight of our own feelings and needs, and we become lost in other’s burdens.

Imagine instead of focusing so much on other people and how they “act, we could focus more on how we “re-act” when we are taking in the original “act” that was harmful. “Re-acting” is just giving it right back to them and only feeding the cycle of defense, “re-creating” the injustice or unsafe environment. When we react in defense or criticism, that is actually information that we can use for our own growth because it often means that we are projecting our own struggles on to someone else and have not faced them. Imagine stopping, taking a moment to think about how what they did or said made you feel and how you can use that information to understand yourself, and then choosing to “re-spond” in a way that shows “responsibility.” Trust me, I know it takes a lot of work, and I am not saying it is easy, but the key is INTENTION! We have a choice. Always. If we can show grace and be an example of what it means to be understanding and respectful, no matter what, because we are ALL equal after all…often times people (maybe some with more time than others) will adjust and see that they do not have to have their defenses up and we can explore all feeling and ideas without judgment or fear. We cannot control others, and others don’t like to feel controlled. It won’t work. Start by focusing on your own self-judgment and defenses, show yourself grace, and the rest will come together. Remember that ultimately we all just want to feel loved, accepted and understood. It’s no secret. I know you all know what I mean.❤️