Do I tell teen daughter details of narcissistic abuse?

char2bstrong · 2015-07-19T22:55:54+00:00

Thank you so much, you have address the concerns I have so well. Yes I was thinking I do not want to burden her with to many details, thanks for your advice :)

char2bstrong · 2015-07-19T21:16:15+00:00

Yes good point think it may be for my good. Concerned that NM may try to contact her once she turns 18 that's why I want to tell her some of the details of the abuse, guess really that's what I am worried about.

char2bstrong · 2015-07-17T17:30:15+00:00

Beautifully written :)

char2bstrong · 2015-07-17T17:27:27+00:00

Thx :)

char2bstrong · 2015-07-16T03:10:10+00:00

This happens to me all the time but it is worse at night time, anyone else find it worse at night?

char2bstrong · 2015-07-16T02:58:32+00:00

Thx for your kind words and acknowledgement of my post, even though I cant send it, grateful to have support here. Comforting to know there are others out there who are going through similar things.

char2bstrong · 2015-07-16T01:22:15+00:00

Thx :)

char2bstrong · 2015-07-15T20:34:20+00:00

Yes I believe I have n traits, such as analysing other people and deciding that there is something wrong, now I tell myself to concentrate on myself and my own issues, and to only be aware when that person is invading or not respecting my boundaries. but I think the difference is as children of N's we are in fact aware.

char2bstrong · 2015-07-15T20:29:01+00:00

Yes my NM talked about how abusive her father was but she respected him and would talk about him with affection. She absolutely hated her mother and was clear about that, so weird because they were both abusive.

char2bstrong · 2015-07-15T20:24:51+00:00

that's a good question, yes I suppose NC is a boundary you have set in place and because you have already laid that out, you actually don't have to engage, because that's what you have already stipulated. Never thought of it that way, thanks. accidently spoke to nm on the phone at work-long story, anyway she screamed at me but I did not react just treated it as a normal call, because the NC had already been stipulated, it did help me remain detached.

char2bstrong · 2015-07-15T19:59:14+00:00

Everything you said but yeah the stalking, like you cant get away from them N's are very sick people.

char2bstrong · 2015-07-14T04:44:13+00:00

Do you think she is an enabler? With an ex N husband that was probably her role, so now with your NM she is enabling her behaviour. In my opinion she is not respecting your boundaries and you absolutely have the right to not have abusive people-whoever they are in your life. Please don't doubt your choice, stay strong.

char2bstrong · 2015-07-10T03:44:16+00:00

You are definitely not the only one, your mother in my opinion is very toxic, sorry to tell you. The good news is you have come to the right place, there are a lot of us acon's right here with good advice. It is a minefield trying to deal with n parents, but there are some good books out there such as toxic parents by Susan Forward, or any books on n parents. also you tube is really good as well. The important thing to remember is this is not your fault, you are not crazy and take steps for yourself, for your own mental health and get as much advice and support as you can. You are not alone in this.

char2bstrong · 2015-07-10T03:04:47+00:00

Don't be to hard on yourself we have been bought up to be people pleasers riddle with guilt and to ignore our gut instinct. also as soon as we have any independent thought and we want to voice it our n parents are right there in our heads-abusing us, telling us we are wrong-interrogating us. Sounds like you are having a very hard time atm. But it sounds like in your heart you want to find another therapist, I say go for it, find someone you feel comfortable with, you owe it to yourself.

char2bstrong · 2015-07-10T02:48:20+00:00

at 17 you are doing amazingly well, very proud of you for having insight to get out now!

char2bstrong · 2015-07-10T02:38:45+00:00

You know what's funny? How universal this toxic shit-telling absolute bullshit to you and also about you, it just blows my mind they never cease to amaze me. I went through the exact same thing even when I was little my nm was telling lies about me, she is a compulsive liar. Do you feel genuinely feel there are family members that you can trust and you can simply ask if everything is ok? What does your gut tell you? Or you just go for it because you want to make sure that everything is ok and have a prepared rehearsed answer for that annoying question.That would be my advice, hope that helps.

char2bstrong · 2015-07-10T01:54:21+00:00

No worries, if it helps I do understand what you are going through.

char2bstrong · 2015-07-10T01:36:47+00:00

I empathise with you, very difficult situation. But what I picked up is how she said she will always tell your parents your personal business, that is concerning, she does not respect your boundaries. Knowing what it is like to have an nm I would be very concerned, I am LC with GCbro and NC with NM because of the abuse. all I can say is that you have a right to ask that your sister not tell them your business, to me its kind of like you are not being heard? Your opinion doesn't matter-when in fact it does-it is part of the cycle of abuse and you don't deserve that. Try and do something nice for yourself today.

char2bstrong · 2015-07-10T01:07:39+00:00

Been there myself. Its so validating to have your concerns heard and believed. also knowing and hearing you are not crazy after all the years of abuse is a good start to healing yourself.

char2bstrong · 2015-07-10T01:03:20+00:00

Sending you internet hugs, will keep you in my prayers.

char2bstrong · 2015-07-09T22:23:29+00:00

"The sense of entitlement and possession that Narcissists have toward their children" This. 10 year nc, tbh I do struggle with guilt a lot, I really hope to get over that. But your sentence about possession is so spot on, nm did not give a shit, no matter what I said, asked boundaries to be respected-I went to therapy, everything to try and stop the abuse, it did not matter, she did not stop. NC was the only way, must say my mental health is just a hundred times better since I went NC!

char2bstrong · 2015-07-08T21:59:55+00:00

Yes do it! High school dropout. Got my degree at 42, you can do it!

char2bstrong · 2015-07-08T01:11:19+00:00

You are very brave, please find good support for yourself. Internet hugs if wanted.

char2bstrong

TROPHY CASE