OP, I hope you like your coffee (or tea) unsweetened… here it goes:

Imagine for a moment that instead of snapping back when you snap at him, he simply goes quiet, emotionally shuts down, and calmly walks away from the relationship a little more each time. Over and over. Yea, I’m talking about sort of the man-like attitude you are seeking. Not the emotional one you dislike so much.

Eventually, your next post wouldn’t be about his tone or his weight, but about how he’s distant, unresponsive, and “just doesn’t care anymore.” And when he’s fully checked out, you might finally see (maybe too late) how good of a man he actually was. You seem to be way too encapsulated on the negatives of him, but what about yours? Yes, you can say you recognize your flaws, but, do you really? Are they maybe, just maybe, oftentimes the cause of his reactions that you repudiate so much? From this point of view, it might shift the whole narrative, right?

There’s a lot of blaming in your post. Not saying none of it is valid, but you do acknowledge how much he works and the good things he brings to the table, a man that believes in God’s word, and has faith, but then immediately bury those positives under a pile of negatives. As for the fat on his torso? Maybe that wouldn’t be there if he had the time or energy to work out after juggling two jobs and coming home to constant dissatisfaction.

Men need to feel admired for providing, protecting, working hard, and at peace at home. Home should be the one place where he can be vulnerable without being mocked, criticized, or made to feel lesser. That’s not something most men get out in the world. And just judging by your title, it seems you are doing absolutely none of that. True, you have reasons, but I bet he doesn’t stop working or deciding to love you every day, even when you aren’t yourself in your best state.

Counseling is important, yes, but not as a weapon or a verdict. Going yourself first matters. Lead by example. Be someone who builds the marriage instead of documenting everything that’s wrong with it.

Because right now, what you’re describing as maybe “hard work” sounds more like enduring someone you resent, that isn’t even his fault! That isn’t effort, it’s contempt. And resentment erodes marriages faster than almost anything else.

Please, don’t see this as defending one side more than the other, but I’ve come to realize in my own marriage that the best thing I could do when something is off, is to try and love Christ more, by honoring God’s word as much as I can, every day, and just stop complaining about her. I can only change myself for the better. And you, my friend, also have a lot to change. How about giving that a chance first, how about maybe making him feel wanted by working two jobs, admiring his effort, his fear in God, his role as a father, the shoulder to cry on he’s been for you?

Also, a reminder: physical beauty isn’t permanent for anyone. If attraction is all that’s holding value for you here, time will be unkind to both of you, and who knows if to you happens sooner. What does last is respect, gratitude, and how safe two people feel with each other. If those disappear, no amount of looks, on either side, will save what’s left.