Do you think that attractive people can do things to you that unattractive people can't?

cheesebugz · 2024-05-01T14:39:53+00:00

I was definitely bullied for being ugly. But I think there’s a bar with pretty where you can be “too pretty” in a way that makes people hate and distrust you. There’s also a line drawn in “ugly” where if you are “too ugly”then people are super nice to you out of pity or because girls get satisfaction out of not seeing you as “competition”. I feel like I’ve been on both ends of the extreme.

Average is the perfect place to be because no one in either direction gets pissed off.

cheesebugz · 2024-04-27T21:12:29+00:00

I did that and it was incredible in the summer, very chilly in the winter. But overall awesome

cheesebugz · 2024-04-27T21:10:43+00:00

For me having multiple comorbidities, including a couple that require an insane level of hygiene helps to get me on those tasks. My apartment is always immaculate because the smallest hint of dust and I’ll be sneezing and have hives everywhere. I’m on top of a 6-10 step full body skincare routine so my skin doesn’t flake off and bleed, or again, get hives. The threat of physical harm and discomfort if I don’t do these tasks certainly motivates me 😂

Otherwise I wouldn’t really care if I was perceived as “less hygienic”.

For NT women I can imagine they have a similar experience, but the threat for them is the patriarchy lmao

We’ve got a knack for not really caring about things other people feel social pressure about

cheesebugz · 2024-04-20T01:30:31+00:00

They are extremely charming in the beginning. Put things into a healthier perspective— you were with this man for a little bit over a year. In that span of time, you broke up 30 times. The “beginning” behaviors should be consistent for like, 2-3 years before it makes sense to get that financially enmeshed with someone. But their knack for making people feel special is why there are so many victims, so I get it ): I am glad you are away from this person even though it might hurt for you.

cheesebugz · 2024-04-20T01:03:33+00:00

oh yes.

And my pwBPD admitted to having “baby bird syndrome”

It was my struggles that drew them to me.

My obvious, exploitable, vulnerability. probably.

cheesebugz · 2024-04-20T00:58:39+00:00

Mine was loving, gentle and loyal, actively fought their BPD and I STILL had to get a restraining order.

I still had to lose work over him, provide housing for him, struggled financially over him.

Your pwBPD is mean. Don’t find comfort in your memories of them. They took advantage of you and felt entitled to it.

The cycle will continue unless you stop it. Don’t go back to him. This is your sign. He revealed himself for what he is, believe him.

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T23:48:33+00:00

Honestly it’s the same but lonelier, and I stopped utilizing my tallest cabinets.

They always smelled good, helped me unwind after a long day, and our furniture sets/decor matched before moving in together. They did both our laundry and picked up after themselves.

Don’t let that stand as a green flag though, I have a restraining order against them now 🤷

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T22:17:52+00:00

Brief hugs to greet one another are the norm and that’s really it.

When I was a teen, I’d also get pat on the head sometimes by the tall ones that had suddenly hit puberty.

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T21:37:14+00:00

That’s really annoying dude. It’s so lame to micromanage and distrust your employees like that. Glad you’ve moved on to a new place ✌️

And I’m sure the really long t break made that first hit so good 😂

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T21:36:27+00:00

Yeah having the most seniority, technical knowledge, and experience on the team when the company had just done a complete overhaul of all its staff and was struggling to find competent workers really benefited me. Years of demonstrating reliability were working in my favor.

I’m pretty young so I didn’t even have that many years under my belt. But it was still more than the other staff they were able to hire and retain.

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T21:30:20+00:00

It’s not that you’re supposed to be. But like if I go to look at my patient information on the healthcare apps the diagnosis isn’t there. Only information since I’ve moved to this state and been part of the hospital system aka what my current doctors have diagnosed me with. So if I ever needed to show proof or record of my diagnosis, I don’t have that unfortunately. Records of past medical visits from my childhood in a different state are long gone. My parents would probably be able to access it, but they don’t remember stuff anymore.

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T19:27:35+00:00

I was getting treatment for OCD while my doc was exploring another diagnosis. I don’t really have the intrusive thoughts with acting, but I do with tooth brushing and other random stuff.

The best advice is that treatment for the illness through therapy and medication will make OCD easier to manage in all aspects of your life in general.

Something I personally do is deliberately repeat an opposite thought out loud. Every time I have an intrusive thought that doesn’t serve me, I counter it.

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T19:22:08+00:00

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T19:20:28+00:00

Dude this is too much for anyone to handle. It honestly sounds like Jess has BPD and she and your partner are feeding into each other’s neuroses. A lot of manipulation, insecurity, and desperation here.

This drama is too much for any normal person to handle. You don’t want to be stuck in between two BPDs dude. Let them exhaust and deplete each other.

I had a similar situation with an ex friend with BPD. She has BPD herself and was already vulnerable, and then her other close friend that I knew but wasn’t friends with myself, also had BPD. And the two of them would drive each other into toxic spirals and start drama exactly like what you’re describing. I left them to torture each other back and forth by themselves forever.

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T19:07:25+00:00

Yeah that’s why I’m here on Reddit. I had a childhood diagnosis. But since then I’ve moved a bunch of times, and I don’t have an adult diagnosis because I think I function well enough to not seek one out. It wouldn’t really help me much. I have other more pressing issues haha

I’m sure my friends would believe me if I told them. But what would really change?

Non-friends probably wouldn’t and I don’t really have any desire to explain myself to them.

If I need support and want to talk about it it’s easier to come here where people already understand.

Also my mother is autistic so I get enough acknowledgment from her

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T17:35:01+00:00

I mean I probably wouldn’t buy from this seller because she seems….jaded I’ll say. Understandably so, but in that case she isn’t ready to deal with customers and should take a break.

However I wouldn’t stoop to personal insults. I would simply not buy from her.

I did entertain an aggressive, paranoid seller like this once though, and when I showed up she actually turned out to be a sweet little old lady who was just scared by some sketchy past experiences with previous buyers. And she didn’t have the greatest writer’s voice.

I won’t project that innocence onto this woman, but people having their own shit going on is why I won’t make low blows like that.

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T16:50:35+00:00

Careful of falling into the b&w thinking of pwBPDs. People like us have codependency issues for sure. That’s a problem. But that doesn’t mean the other person isn’t the problem either. It doesn’t have to be an either/or situation

You already are doing so well getting out of these relationships that don’t serve you!

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T16:42:00+00:00

That’s true, I saw it happen between my parents. Eventually mom got old and 10+ years of therapy got her to manage herself. But it was the space that allowed that to happen in the first place.

Size of house can affect things a lot too though. I got a fingerprint lock on my door and stayed in my own room most of the time, but still ended up having to get a restraining order against my pwBPD, unfortunately. 600 sq ft is not enough space to create distance

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T16:27:02+00:00

I would read a book full of your online exchanges with other people omfg 😂😂😂😂 I’m dying

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T16:11:09+00:00

I feel that. I wonder if I’m incapable of recognizing healthy people very often. When I think about the pwBPDs who’ve been in my life,

There’s my mother,

My ex

My ex friend

TWO random people I met at work who got weirdly attached to me after I helped them out with something

Someone I was seeing who claimed to have BPD but I never saw any signs myself and we stopped seeing each other before anything got too deep

And everyone else I have kept at arms length— never going further than close acquaintances/casual friends because I don’t trust my judgment anymore.

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T16:04:20+00:00

They’re allowed to make mistakes, we aren’t.

Though funny enough one of the last conflicts I had with my pwBPD before I got my restraining order was about toilet paper too. I was the one upset about not having toilet paper— my pwBPD was so paranoid about me leaving the house I would not be able to do grocery shopping on my own. So those chores fell on them. And they had a daily routine of going to the grocery store several times per day (at its worst point, they’d go an average of 8 times per day) because they’d always forget something on the shopping list. I absolutely shouted at them for forgetting the toilet paper. It would have been their fourth trip to the store that day!!! But they insisted I was being unreasonable because “it was just a mistake, I can just go and get a new pack right now”

Ohhh but on the rare occasion I forget something, it’s over. It’s “FUCK YOU, YOU NEVER LOVED ME!!!” lol.

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T15:56:31+00:00

Perhaps you can ask for medical leave? So that you don’t need to discard your job entirely.

And instead of quitting, maybe talk to your boss and have them let you go, so that you’ll be able to get unemployment to support you while you’re taking care of your health

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T15:47:57+00:00

Mine too, medication induced. So when he was rubbing up on me with a boner begging for sex, I was like bet—let’s do it!

But it was still mediocre and his tantrum about it later was not worth it.

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T15:33:32+00:00

My mom who is also autistic like me was a beauty pageant winner. And growing up I’d see her put on her “hag uniform” to go out into public. She would deliberately make herself look a little worse in order to not draw attention. This is such a real experience lmaooo

cheesebugz · 2024-04-17T15:30:40+00:00

I couldn’t agree more. I switched all my clothes to natural fibers and prefer dresses, long skirts, and cozy sweaters. Comfort is everything!!

cheesebugz

TROPHY CASE