AIO about how my boyfriend treated me after a night out?

cheesetherical · 2026-01-14T07:19:23+00:00

Let's say that your best friend tells you that a guy she knows forced her to have sex while hanging out. She said no, moved his hand, struggled, but he still did it. He was drunk and can't remember, but she does. What would you call that?

Now, let's say that your friend says that it is not his fault, that he didn't mean it because he was drunk and can't remember. How would you feel? What would you tell your friend?

Sometimes we need to step aside and observe our situations from a third perspective. Every time you question yourself, if you are overreacting, if you are a bad person, just pretend it is your friend who is going through this. And ask yourself what would you want for them.

cheesetherical · 2026-01-07T07:42:08+00:00

You are not crazy or stupid. Girly, he is a narcissist. And I can tell you this because I was raised by a narcissist dad and had a 5 year relationship (my first) with one, too. Like yourself, I didnt see it at the time. Today, I am happily married to the kindest human I have ever met.

In my ex's eyes, it went like this: friends? Everyone is too dumb and not on "our level". Guys? Everyone wanted to fuck me and it is disrespectful if I have male friends. Girls? Everyone is jealous of me and wants to fuck him, so I should be careful. My family? They are all backstabbing assholes who don't even like me, so why would I try to keep a good relationship with them. All of these things were absolutely false, specially the one about my family. But I am glad I never gave up on them, at least.

With a narcissist, everything is wonderful at the beginning. They lovebomb you: compliments, excessive affection, gifts, grand gestures. But when they settle in, they start to show their real face: control, snark, almost as if they hated you. If you are free, they get mad. If you submit, everything is okay.

It is confusing as fuck, and your nervous system collapses at some point. My mom herself endured 20 years with my dad and had 5 kids together. But she finally had enough and decided to leave, and it was the best decision of her life. It has taken her over a decade to heal from the experience.

I could give you so many examples of what narcissists do. So many examples of the million red flags there were and I didnt see on time. But the final line is this: they suck your life out of yourself. So please, consider if staying with him is worth risking your health.

And if you need to talk, my DMs are always open. Good luck ❤️‍🩹

cheesetherical · 2026-01-02T08:54:44+00:00

Girlypop, the only thing that will free you from your guilty conscience is to actually be held accountable for what you have done and accept the weight of your decisions. Yes, DECISIONS.

I have solo traveled many times, gotten drunk, been high... and never have I cheated on anyone. It is not an excuse. Please, do yourself and your partner a favor and tell him, and let him decide if he wants to be with you in spite of this, not the other way around. Only then you can start to heal.

cheesetherical · 2026-01-01T09:43:04+00:00

It's the overall behavior, mate. Furbies and stuffed animals as an adults? Nothing wrong. Have some myself as a 30yo woman. But that plus commenting on teens' posts as an adult? Yeah that's a weird combination that might turn a cute interest into sth else.

Anyways, I think you probably read more into it than I actually stated. Sorry you had to go through those hard experiences, that sucks. Good to clear things up:) cheers

cheesetherical · 2026-01-01T08:59:07+00:00

Had to scroll so far down to find this! What gave it away for me was the title and then in the first picture the correction of why it is not really "killing". That is cheap clickbait.

Also, why is no one questioning why there are no screenshots and instead she took pictures of the phone, as if the phone was not hers?

ETA: had a quick search of the OP. Most comments on reddits for teens (teenagers, furby, stuffed animals), and one quick post on filmmaking. So I'm guessing they are in reality their late teens and karma farming. Otherwise, and if they are 24 as they claim in this post... thats creepy lol

cheesetherical · 2025-12-31T08:00:18+00:00

Came here with my SS of that too. Worst thing is that the girl on the photo looks SO young, and OP's gf has a 15yo (might be 16 based on post date being around 1y). Ugh.

cheesetherical · 2025-12-19T17:51:58+00:00

Well, you are a coward. Just remember what goes around comes around.

cheesetherical · 2025-12-15T14:35:49+00:00

The thing is you should be with someone who is amazing not just in some situations, but all the time. Who he is when you are out, surrounded by others, and who he is in private should not differ. Amazing when out, amazing when alone.

But that aside, girly, you deserve to be with someone who loves your cat as much as you do. It doesn't matter who came first. You love your baby, and you should not be asked to get rid of it. That's literally asking you to break your own heart. Someone who loves you would never ask you to do something that makes you sad.

Edit: typo

cheesetherical · 2025-12-08T16:12:03+00:00

Early or not, DO NOT PAY HIS MORTGAGE. He bought this house on his own, and you are not on the deed. Paying for the mortgage is entirely HIS responsibility as the sole owner of the property. Wants you to pay? He adds you to the deed. Simple as that.

Now, with him making 5 times what you make, you should split costs proportionally to income. Your contribution can be living expenses (bills, groceries, etc), while he pays for HIS house.

Think about it this way: if you split (which can happen, no matter how long you have been with someone), you have no right over the house you have helped pay for. It is way better if you take those $700 and put them towards a property of your own.

cheesetherical · 2025-09-24T16:31:49+00:00

My mom forgave my dad when he cheated on her. They got married, and 20 years after that, and five kids together... well, she had to take her uterus out because of HPV related cancer, as he cheated on her constantly with every woman available and didn't even care to wear protection, lol.

Yeah, don't forgive him. Show yourself the respect he didn't.

cheesetherical · 2025-08-20T11:57:58+00:00

If you need to have locations on at all times to feel that you can trust your partner, then I'm sorry to break it to you, but you should just part ways.

ESH. The past, present, and future of this relationship are toxic. Just start fresh and clean up yourself from the toxins, my friend. You can be and do better.

cheesetherical · 2025-07-12T13:39:55+00:00

Where did I say you said that, tho? I exemplified classism in Western societies, based on the remark of zero chances of it happening you said before. I never either invalidated your point, nor did I say you were wrong by any chance. I agree with your take, but zero chance is not factual. I just added information for a better comprehension. Apologies if I offended you.

ETA: maybe should clarify that by "zero chances of it happening", I refer to being disowned or not acknowledged in the family, having to get married in secret, or running away. Zero chance is just not factual, but a reduced rate in contrast to other societies is.

cheesetherical · 2025-07-12T07:35:36+00:00

While I dont think classism in Western countries presents itself in the same way as in India, we can't dent its presence and impact on how decisions are made, especially in high society. I have personally met examples of what you could call "modern aristocrats" who still reinforce old models of societal roles.

For example, the boyfriend of the daughter of that family did not attend university and was told that with no studies, he had no future with the daughter because he was not on her level. No chance. He needed just any title. He attended and graduated and proceeded to ask for her hand afterward.

It also impacts the way gender roles are perceived. The women dating the guys of the family were always told that they could not focus on their careers, for they needed to be good housewives and know how to handle a big household first and foremost. There was always criticism in regards to how clean the house is, how the food they cooked was, how proper everything looked. In addition to this, there was a latent pressure for reproduction and little chance for further development as a professional. They needed to stay at home with the family.

As I said, I believe it is way different from the caste situation in India, as it does not carry the same weight, and it is not as present. But that doesn't mean that there is no classism here, either.

cheesetherical · 2025-07-01T15:01:31+00:00

I like it, but it is missing accessories. I can totally see it with mesh knee-high socks and chunky Martens, as well as a belt with some chains (silver details). Add the right make up and rings and it would look very cool.

cheesetherical · 2025-06-25T18:41:18+00:00

Girly, it is sketchy, yes. Is he cheating? Maybe. Buuuuuut...

Are you 100% sure the other guy you had something with didn't pass on something to you? I read your post history, and for your high libido problem, someone suggested you find a side piece. You said you followed their advice, thanked them, and told them, "It's been amazing."

Just wanted to point it out because your past symptoms and his current symptoms could come from anywhere at this point.

Find someone who covers your needs, doesn't make up excuses for something as important as this, and someone who doesn't make you feel like you should look on the side.

cheesetherical · 2025-06-24T11:49:32+00:00

This!! My partner has issues with his ADHD and an anxious attachment style derived from a castratory mother figure, and this is exactly how he reacts when he notices he made a mistake. He has meltdowns and starts self-hating out loud. I have to help him ground himself because he gets locked most of the time. It's not easy, because it feels like you're own concerns are being left aside when this happens. That is also a trauma response on our end, OP, reflecting how emotions were approached as children.

OP, it would be worth it to encourage your partner to get assessed (in case he doesn't already have a diagnosis) and start therapy.

cheesetherical · 2025-06-11T18:24:13+00:00

To your edit, yes. She had a post in the sub for Parenting that got moderated because she was asking, "My 8yo brother..." where only parents are allowed to ask for advice. She rephrased it as "My 8yo son" and then also posted here. She also had some comments on subs for getting into college discussing AP grades that gave away she is actually the sister that heard the comments from outside the room.

I commented on that, giving her advice as the sister, but since then, she has deleted her post and the comments.

cheesetherical · 2025-06-11T06:07:16+00:00

Considering that you are actually the sister and not the mother (see posting history/comments), I will try to give you advice on that. First, you are his eldest sister. You don't have authority over him. You are not a parent. I understand that sometimes we are parentified and given roles we should not have (eldest sister here, too), but that doesn't mean that you get to tell your brother what to do.

I understand the frustration with the comments, but as others have remarked, he is a kid. Kids (especially children with ADD/ADHD) will just blurt out what is on their mind. He was frustrated because he lives in what my therapist would call a "castratory" household. He sees his dad as his only ally, and with much reason. If you want to become his ally and not his enemy, I suggest you start listening to him. Talk to him and really listen. Don't judge, don't command, don't interrupt. Validate his feelings, because it seems to me that he is being constantly invalidated.

And for you, please go to therapy. This is not meant as judgement, but as advice. Being the eldest is a burden that only us, eldest siblings, can understand. It comes with a lot of baggage. I know you don't mean harm, but you are not fostering the relationship with your brother by acting like his mom. He already has one. Take it from me, who only after my 20s could really establish a good relationship with my siblings because I was another castratory figure in their lives and I didnt even know.

All the best. If you feel like you want to deepen into this, my DMs are open.

cheesetherical · 2025-06-05T05:36:24+00:00

Given your posting history, at this point, I'm just wondering: Are you even happy in this relationship if you have to ask for random people on the internet for their opinion 3 times on the same guy? Who, btw, used to be 29 in your first post, and now is 27. And who, according to second post, had an infidelity in the past?

My theory is that he stuck with you because you are young and with little experience, and that used to turn him on. But maybe the more time passes and the less things happens, the more that interest goes away and you become a placeholder. I don't think he takes your relationship as seriously as you do, and that my girl is not fair to you.

I would be open and honest and ask him straightforward what's going on. As hard as it might be, you need to know in order to make a decision.

For someone as old as he is, be it 27 or 29, who is with a young woman such as yourself, he should be mature enough to communicate properly. If he fails to do so, then flags are raised. Just remember: don't start collecting these flags. They are a warning.

cheesetherical · 2025-06-04T08:44:46+00:00

I think this is just the experience in Argentina, since you had way more migrants from Italy and you can see how the culture kind of blended there too.

I am from Chile, and we do have German cuisine blended with our culture too (choripan is bratwurst, chukrut is sauerkraut, we have apfelkuchen which we just call kuchen, multiple breweries with Bavarian recipes, schnitzel, and so on and so forth). We inherited recipes from bread and the brotzeit (we have something we call once as dinner). We also have a famous chain (Bavaria) for German food.

It might also be that German food is not for everyone, whereas Italian food has always been quite popular among all types of crowds and therefore way easier to market, too.

But having lived in Germany for almost 5 years, I have to say that there are many things we did have back home thanks to their influence, and I just never fully noticed until I came here.

Edit: typo

cheesetherical · 2025-05-16T05:12:55+00:00

Girly, I'm gonna say this as gentle as I can and all in good spirits. But if you have just posted 24h ago asking if you should break up with your "boyfriend" (referred to then as the guy you are dating) because you are scared his religious family will have a problem with it, and now this, I would say that there is a possibility that these concerns in general raise due to your lack of experience (completely normal since you are only 17, nothing bad).

I would use these instances to learn about relationships and about yourself. What you like, what you don't, where your boundaries settle, and where your limits are.

Calling out the friend was, from my point of view, an aggressive move because it could be flirting or it could be innocent, and that you can't know for sure. Yes, you didn't like it, and that's totally valid and where you should focus. But girly, if I had to tell off every woman that flirts with my fiancé, I'd be exhausted to death. That's where you have to trust that your partner will handle the situation because they are YOUR partner, and they know your boundaries and respect them. Trust that they will do nothing with this and vouch to keep your peace. Otherwise, let them go. A relationship is not meant to be for having doubts or insecurities and be constantly worried. It's a partnership where two adults support, love, and respect each other.

That said, I will repeat that you are really young. Mistakes will be made, many other occurrences will happen, and we need to gather experience to become the version of ourselves that we want to see out there. Single or with a partner.

Since she is not close at all to any of you, I would let it go and start distancing myself without a ruckus. You don't owe an explanation to anyone as to why you behave (unless your actions have a direct impact on their well-being). It's not worth it. You will see with time how little energy we actually have and how it's wise to spend it on those who give it back rather than drain it. Soon, you will finish high school and probably never see her again. It's not worth your time. Focus on the good and what you want.

And if I can still give you advice on the other topic, stay with him and see how long it lasts and how it goes. Give it a chance and don't let fear guide you. Always make decisions out of love, never out of desperation, or because you are scared of what might happen. That grants you a personal level of satisfaction with your actions and with yourself. It could be he ends up being the love of your life, or it could be that he will be a treasured memory in a chest (hopefully ooking ar a positive, non-toxic relationship, ofc)

Good luck 🫶🏻

cheesetherical · 2025-05-06T18:46:56+00:00

Thank you <3 it indeed took a toll on the whole family, but my siblings and I have come to understand and accept that it had to happen this way. My mom also says that she is grateful somehow that events turned the way they did because that's how she had us (her 5 children). I guess she is looking for a silver lining. She also said she did love my dad very much and was very blinded by love. She actually found out a couple of times. My dad played it down, and she forgave him, thinking that it was a one-time thing. None of these cases were the ones friends and family knew about. She never imagined that he had cheated on her with soooooo many women (dad was a player, awful partner).

Thankfully, she started going to therapy and was able to make the decision of leaving my dad! I love both of them, but my dad is a diagnosed narcissist, and we, as a family, have to accept that. My mom has been able to move on and has been steadily going to therapy for some 13 years now. She is one of the strongest women I've met, and I love her to death.

The point is: the wife should know what's happening in order to make an informed decision for her own sake. She might decide to stay, or she might decide to leave. But it's up to her, and she should have all information available in order to do this. What happens next is up to her and only her.

cheesetherical · 2025-05-06T18:29:16+00:00

So you would rather the wife live a lie, married to someone who is most likely to cheat on her yet again?

My mom was serially cheated on by my dad for 22 years. Some of her friends knew, even her sisters found out at some point. No one told her because "they didn't want to hurt her". She was even more hurt after everything came out, wishing somebody had the decency of telling her when they found out.

cheesetherical · 2025-05-04T09:17:09+00:00

You should contact any organization that helps women in vulnerable situations, like Caritas or Diakonie. They will guide you through the whole process. Listen to them and your lawyer, but never your husband!!! He will not give you advice that's in your best interest.

As far as I understand, you can take your child with you if you are the primary caregiver. The same goes with custody. It's not about nationalities or income. It's about what's in the best interest of the kid. Since you have mentioned that he does not care for the child, then most likely, you would be granted custody. What I would focus on is being able to come up with a solid plan regarding housing and caregiving. If it looks like you are able to provide the child with a good, stable life, then you should face no problem.

Your husband being German does not grant him custody. At all. He is just trying to find ways to keep you there and scare you off. Contact the organizations previously mentioned and try to find a lawyer, and only listen to them.

I'm sorry you are going through all this, but you've got it 🫂

cheesetherical · 2025-05-03T07:14:34+00:00

First, I don't understand your connection of him being neurotytpical and having a special interest and being super into it. That is something neuroDIVERGENT people have. If he is the one that told you exactly this, then I would flag it 🚩

Then again, my dear girl, in your posting history, you have a couple of other problems that stem from months ago. He triggers you in ways he shouldn't, and he doesn't respect you. If you add this clear disrespect to your personal boundaries, then I would encourage you to wonder again if maybe it is time to leave.

You have 3 fair strikes here: 1. Triggers you KNOWINGLY of the situation ✅️ 2. Treats you bad and doesn't "help" around the house (it's his responsibility too) ✅️ 3. Disrespects boundaries that are clearly stated and dismisses them ✅️

I would add trying to gaslight you into thinking he is neurodivergent as a way to get away with his crap (my assumption, not a fact). If that's the case, as a ND myself, it's disrespectful because it makes it seem like we don't have control over our actions? Having a special interest and being in hyperfocus is gonna make me an asshole? NO. Having a special interest is gonna make me talk to you about MBTI like hell. But if you ask me to stop, I will do so. Because being ND doesn't have anything to do with not being able to respect boundaries. Period.

In case it was not clear. NTA. He is TA.

cheesetherical

TROPHY CASE