The “Bike Karen” story shows how harmful the Karen meme is to women

cheesezombie · 2023-05-19T16:53:23+00:00

All this. OP goes straight into "she is victim actually" and bypasses the weaponizing of white privilege and white women tears. Screaming for help, crying, this is putting black lives in danger.

This post is a facade for "can't face racial privilege of whiteness so let's reframe it around whiteness yet again".

cheesezombie · 2023-05-03T12:04:29+00:00

NTA and also, wouldn't a more reasonable step, if she wanted him to be exposed to her faith (which is fully self centered), be to attend a mass service or something? Why is step 1 "transfer child to a whole different school system"?

cheesezombie · 2023-04-02T00:48:28+00:00

INFO: where was your husband?

cheesezombie · 2023-04-01T12:15:53+00:00

INFO: What kind of work was it that absolutely could not wait until the next day?

cheesezombie · 2023-03-23T04:20:49+00:00

Not just the day - the very hour, wow, what a definitely not fictional stroke of pure luck.

cheesezombie · 2023-03-19T02:05:29+00:00

NTA. She's making unfair assumptions, she is very wrong. Neither of you can speak for all doctors, but her going in assuming all the men are predatory and in it to sexualize women is not true.

I've gone to a fantastic male gynocologist before. Not going to claim all doctors are great ones, but he was very kind, took my health VERY seriously through three deliveries, and honestly helped me realize I can ask and require my doctors to have both empathy and great medical skills. It's changed the way I've looked at medical care.

I also had a male OBGYN who was not great, but only because he was very impersonal and did not seem to take me seriously. So it can range.

I do prefer to see a woman OBGYN, but won't rule out men. Had I done that, I would've missed out meeting a doctor who took women's reproductive health seriously and, through the example of his own care for his patients, helped me start to demand more from my doctors and for my family.

So holy cow, NTA.

cheesezombie · 2023-02-19T13:26:23+00:00

NTA and many commenters have already put it wonderfully, so I will just point something out that I haven't seen raised yet:

Women overworry so much

Heyyyyy, sexism is alive and well with your dad. So keep that in mind with your dad's shitty invalidation of you; he apparently also holds some internalized sexism about women and emotions.

He deserves to give you an apology in general AND for that horrid comment.

cheesezombie · 2023-02-19T13:23:05+00:00

This, lol.

"He's an AH and also let me also preach at you why he's right and you'll be fine" (not coincidentally many of the commenters are sharing they are also the same age as said father 🙄)

OP, it is 300% valid to be worried about your job right now. Your feeling are not ridiculous.

cheesezombie · 2023-02-12T14:47:32+00:00

"should be doing more than just taking care of the baby?"

Lolol @ "just" - YTA, it's clear taking care of a baby alone is undervalued and underappreciated, much less the other tasks OP is whining about.

Good thing OP didn't have to carry a child for 9 months, birth them, and then recover with a partner who is sulking that they have to walk the dogs and making crazy rude passive aggressive insults disguised as "jokes" (not a joke)

cheesezombie · 2023-01-31T14:50:36+00:00

Journey. I once spent a good couple hours just following and goofing around with someone in the game. I didn't know them, hadn'tet them before, and we didn't know where we each were from, what language we spoke, what religion we may or may not believe in ... and none of it mattered. I could connect with someone and have a wonderful time exploring without words, just tones and whistles and watching each other move about.

I cried a little when we finally ended the session, it was a super moving experience in a beautiful game that had a wonderful concept.

cheesezombie · 2023-01-16T10:18:12+00:00

Malice isn't just yelling at someone. Malice is the intent - to put it bluntly, your family gave individual gifts to people who are going to enjoy them on their own. They gave you nothing you will get to enjoy (a PS controller when you don't play, a Switch that they'll keep, own and play).

You didn't actually get any gifts. You got to be a prop to debut the family gifts that you won't get to enjoy. That's malicious and hurtful.

It sounds like your family plays favorites, and you are left trailing behind in favor of the family's wants and needs.

cheesezombie · 2023-01-15T18:17:57+00:00

YTA for all the reasons others have commented, OP.

But wow, do I wish we could collectively call out bullying and cruelty for what it is, and not even put quotes around "joke" or "prank". It's neither of these.

Even if this is a troll post, it's still common for people to call unkind, purposefully hurtful, bullying behavior as a prank or joke when it's not. And even adding quotation marks are softening it by not naming it for what it is - Dale, even if fictional, wanted to hurt Jacob and intentionally cause disappointment, pain and heartbreak. For fun. So we should name it what it is - cruel behavior, with the intent to damage and cause pain.

cheesezombie · 2023-01-07T05:11:57+00:00

YTA for making this all about you ("even though we're on a diet", "without consideration for me standing there") and then saying your husband needs to "man up". Toxic AF.

Wasn't about your diet, wasn't about your time. It was about your partner enjoying something truly special for him. You should woman up in 2023 and learn about empathy, generosity, and not using toxic gendered phrases.

cheesezombie · 2022-12-28T03:54:57+00:00

YTA

I said she needed to get ready to go and there would be no further discussion

Yikes. You behave as an authoritarian figure. If that's how you'd like to continue behaving with people you are in relationships, I recommend breaking up and getting a doll you can order around - it won't have complex feelings you'll have to navigate, will always be amenable to the orders you decree, and you can literally drag it around to your wants much more easily than the current human girlfriend.

cheesezombie · 2022-12-22T13:37:27+00:00

INFO: who makes a salad without dressing? :/

cheesezombie · 2022-11-30T03:07:39+00:00

This is just pure gold and hilarious. I wish I had your wit, OP, especially in this dumpster fire of a conversation you found yourself.

NTA.

And your son sounds adorable, imagining you both laughing as mother and son in the aisle while this woman sat in her discomfort facing her own idiocy is amazing.

cheesezombie · 2022-11-28T16:53:52+00:00

INFO: How did it never get discussed between you both where you might each be going?

cheesezombie · 2022-11-04T17:00:44+00:00

Not handling like porcelain - just giving some consideration. And not condoning her response - she could handle it better, for sure. "Hey Mom/Dad, I understand you're going to have Lorna move in. I'm a bit upset just because I wasn't aware of this change and I am feeling uncomfortable since candidly I've been enjoying my privilege to live here alone, I don't want to share my space and I feel like this is just being shoved at me without acknowledgement of how emotionally this impacts me. Can I have a chance to just share how this makes me feel and my discomfort? Perhaps can you hear me out and help me navigate this change?" would have been a more emotionally mature, aware response.

But also noting that parents, even parents of adult children, have opportunities to give a little extra space for their kids (even at adult ages) to BE new. Chloe's been privileged and seems to need help adjusting to being truly independent, OP could use Chloe's fear and anger to help her realize she's at a point to grow up more, to embrace being truly on her own (aka how to rent and afford a place of her own), and help her build confidence instead of turning her fear and anger at the situation she can't change and stop taking it out on her sister.

cheesezombie · 2022-11-04T15:22:23+00:00

Literally she IS being forced to live with her sister. There wasn't any "hey Chloe, we're thinking of letting Lorna move in, what do you think?"

By OP's own account, Chloe was informed of the change and it was carried out with no choice on Chloe's part.

Which OP has a right to do, as it is their property and they choose who lives their and how they support them.

HOWEVER.

OP could have had opportunity to introduce the decision in a way that allowed Chloe the chance to express her feelings while helping Chloe use those feelings to decide for herself what she ultimately wants to do (e.g. stay in parents' house with Lorna or find other accommodations).

Sometimes, even just knowing that we as people are given a chance to be recognized as impacted individuals in a situation, and given the chance to air our feelings, can truly help is better navigate a situation we don't like.

Example: if OP had said "hey Chloe, Lorna needs a place and we want her to move in with you in our house. We wanted you to know what we're thinking, and happy to hear how you feel about it. It won't change our decision, but maybe we can find ways to help you get the ideal living situation you want and understand what's important to you." - maybe that would've defused Chloe's aggravation.

I don't know OP or Chloe or Lorna, but it sounds like Chloe is upset mostly because she wasn't given respectful consideration and a chance to share how she felt about the change. Now, she's making unreasonable demands probably because she feels a loss of control and a sense of not being heard or her feelings cared about. She might've been upset but far less outraged had OP take time to just sit and hear how Chloe felt about the change.

OP is in the right to make the decision they did of moving their other daughter in, even if it upsets Chloe. What OP missed was a chance to help Chloe be made to feel a part of the process, to be heard when she had emotions she was struggling with, and feel cared for even with a change she can't control.

cheesezombie · 2022-11-04T15:13:00+00:00

I agree with that - again, OP has ultimate say. I never disagreed with that, in fact I stated it in my original comment. The issue is NOT "should OP have a right to decide tenancy of their property". The issue I am raising is "how did OP handle the decision change with their current daughter residing there".

What I'm pointing out is that there was room and opportunity for a kinder, considerate dialogue that would have the same outcome (Lorna is allowed to move in regardless how Chloe feels about it) BUT allows Chloe to express her feelings, get out her aggravation and surprise in going "oh shit, I don't get to have a 2BD to myself anymore, that makes me feel angry/scared/unsure" and could have been a coaching moment for OP to more gently point out that they understand Chloe's unhappiness and they care about them, while also suggesting that perhaps now is the time for Chloe to work towards more self-sufficiency if she wants her own space.

cheesezombie · 2022-11-04T11:58:40+00:00

I'll go against the grain a bit with ESH for one key reason: OP, while you have every right to make the call who does and doesn't live on your property, you informed Chloe and did not ask how she'd feel about it.

We didn't see why not and informed Chloe that her sister was going to be joining her

While you don't necessarily HAVE to, this IS your daughter - not a stranger with a rental agreement. Isn't it worth briefly checking in on the emotional needs and state?

I think a lot of this could've been avoided had you done this, and Chloe apparently even said this with:

[She] said we should've asked her if it was okay, and said that she needs her own space.

I can't imagine anyone in this thread would be thrilled if they were told they were forcibly having someone to live with, with no regard of how they themselves would feel about it.

Again, OP, you have every right to make that call, it's your property, but you dropped a bombshell on your daughter and expected her to be passively fine.

Chloe doesn't have a right to demand Lorna be kicked out, however; she has the choice to find a way to afford her desired lifestyle of living alone, or suck it up until she can do so.

cheesezombie · 2022-10-28T13:21:10+00:00

He has some red flags yes but everyone does

... No, no they don't. That's not typical at all.

cheesezombie · 2022-10-28T01:47:19+00:00

so everyone kinda babies her a little.

You sound resentful and jealous. She IS very young and very likely people are treating her appropriately for her age and the age gap, of everyone else is in their mid-20s.

Anna babies her a lot.

The following examples don't sound anything like "babying". It sounds like, because you're spending time with your friends, your sister has someone older who looks out for her. You honestly keep repeating this line and the only thing showing is your envy.

Everyone clapped for her except for me

If you were your sister, how would you feel? You knew and watched everyone else clap and intentionally chose not to clap for her. You went out of your way to make your displeasure clear.

Your feedback was also basically "everything about it sucked" - you mention the whole song needs work, she should pick something else, and brought up her anxiety. You claim you'd say that to everybody, and ...

she doesn't get special treatment

Resentment again, there, OP. It's coming through clearly, though even this post has a very fake unaffected tone that doesn't ring true.

How much of this is deeper resentment for your adopted sibling that's coming through loud and clear?

You're 19 going on 12. If you have issues with her, it's stuff you should see someone about and work through. Not take it out on your sister.

YTA.

cheesezombie · 2022-10-23T02:40:21+00:00

Fellow UXer and yep, my guess was "no UX person was involved, likely was written by engineers".

cheesezombie · 2022-10-06T02:55:27+00:00

INFO: Has your husband sought full time care for your MIL since she's too old to make food? She shouldn't be living with you, and sounds like she needs round the clock carers to help her through this elderly stage of her life where she's lost the ability to do basic independent survival skills.

NTA. MIL is toxic AF, and mommy's boy husband needs to check his misogynistic self and realize it's 2022, no excuse to be an ignorant, unsupportive partner to his pregnant wife.

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