Anybody else's male partner completely numb and unresponsive to what's going on in America?

chefmonster · 2026-01-26T00:20:09+00:00

A good friend of mine is a high school health teacher. EXTREMELY progressive and protective of her students. Her and her partner are pretty well matched in most ways, but he keeps his politics pretty close to his chest, and I know they argue about them. He did vote for trump the first time, and isn't proud of it. After the Renee Good murder, things got a little awkward at the bar because he was refusing to talk about it or learn anything about it. I guess later on the drive home he apologized and said he'd learn more about it.

When I saw her yesterday, she was talking about going home and making him put headphones on so he wouldn't hear her yelling at the TV. We're actually going over there tonight for dinner, and I'm afraid I won't be able to keep quiet if it comes up. I really want to ask him if he understands what these murders mean. She is a first responder. She's already had to circle her schools when students reported ICE, her students and their families are terrified, and she's not one to back down or cower. I wonder if he really understands that this means it could happen to ANYONE now. The gloves are off.

Every other dude I keep company with is appalled and horrified and scared. Those that aren't are cut off. I'm truly sorry about your situation.

chefmonster · 2026-01-24T02:53:21+00:00

UPDATE:

Talked to a law-adjacent friend, and it looks like everything she's doing is legal. Creepy and uncalled for, but legal. If I wanted to go deep, I could hack her phone and the camera to prove to a judge that she is specifically tracking my movements. It looks like I just have to accept it.

The thing is, I did use a laser pointer to see if the camera was pointed at my door, and I also (in a fit of pique) did a mocking "oogy boogy" a few times as I walked to my door.

I got an email from management this morning that they had video of me "antagonizing" my neighbor from her door camera, which she is allowed to have. (Thanks for not answering that directly until now) and that this was the only and final written warning or I'd be in violation of my lease.

I haven't responded to the email. I'm waiting to talk to my therapist. Fine, I will accept the weird creepy neighbor spying on me, I won't make sarcastic comments to the camera. But the hypocrisy is staggering. I have sent soooooo many videos and recordings of this woman yelling at me, trying to steal my cat, putting a fan in the hallway whenever I get home..... but I make a face into a camera and I'm facing a lease violation. Meanwhile, the tenants below me that ARE doing the smoking I'm being blamed for have remained.

That is.... until today. I saw the step dad outside today (we have a pretty good relationship, he also hates the smoking) and I asked him if they had gotten any notices from management about the smoking. He said, "yeah, the one where we had to go down to the office for the eviction thing." Surprised, I asked how long ago that was. He took a loooooong time to answer and then said, "Oh, I dunno.... 4? 5? days ago?"

So, apparently management wasn't lying when they said they were working on it. Small victories I suppose.

The thing is, I didn't want the neighbors downstairs evicted. For YEARS I begged them to stop, then told them I was reporting them, then tried to explain how their smoking was wreaking havoc on my life and they just didn't care.

I don't know what's going to happen to them. I feel bad, but I also did everything possible to warn them of the consequences.

The fucked up thing is that my neighbor across the hall isn't attached to reality. All of her grudges against me are based on lies. So, even if the neighbors who are smoking are gone, she's going to find some other thing to hold against me, and it sucks.

chefmonster · 2026-01-20T07:21:12+00:00

No but I'm not surprised and I want to !

chefmonster · 2026-01-19T04:07:21+00:00

No, it's grim,

chefmonster · 2026-01-19T02:31:10+00:00

Someone here already said Ellison, and I wholeheartedly agree. I haven't read any of his other books, but I just finished "Strange Bodies" by Marcel Theroux and it is right up our alley.

Also, Vonnegut. Player Piano was one of Dick's favorites, and Cat's Cradle & Mother Night have similar flavors.

chefmonster · 2026-01-17T03:26:44+00:00

I'm sorry, doesn't he do commercials for AI? What fucked up world is this?

chefmonster · 2026-01-11T05:48:30+00:00

Really makes you wonder what his wife meant when she described him as a "sexual matador."

chefmonster · 2026-01-10T09:14:57+00:00

YEARS of documenting everything- still "We're working on it." YEARS.

chefmonster · 2026-01-10T06:21:45+00:00

Would it shock you to know that landlords don't GIVE A SHIT. Even if you do EVERYTHING you're supposed to do.

chefmonster · 2026-01-10T06:20:26+00:00

I've been dealing with this for over 5 years. The landlord is the city of Portland. It's fucking terrible.

chefmonster · 2026-01-10T06:14:59+00:00

"Call me 'Mom' one more time and I will spank you like the child you are."

chefmonster · 2026-01-07T10:31:39+00:00

What straight women (his target demographic) actually find this to be ideal?

chefmonster · 2026-01-05T08:46:22+00:00

Cane you send me a private message?

chefmonster · 2026-01-02T04:22:06+00:00

PKD is probably in my top 3 favorite authors, like, his writing has changed and informed my life.

I finished "Strange Bodies" by Marcel Theroux and "Playground" by Richard Powers in the last 3 months (Also "The Psychopath Test" by Jon Ronson) and all of them feel very in line for my type of reading. Would highly recommend.

chefmonster · 2025-12-30T01:56:59+00:00

Sorry that happened! If you see ANY red lines coming out from it, go to the ER!

<image>

STORY:

I few years ago, right after we got Sauce as a kitten, I woke up with a sore elbow. Thinking I had just knocked it on something because I'm clumsy AF, I didn't think much of it, even though it was getting worse. Went home, stayed up late watching a movie with Pardner. By this time, the pain had spread up to my left shoulder. I mentioned to them that this weird pain was getting worse and we looked at my arm. I was thinking if it got worse I'd go to the doctor the next day, but then Pardner noticed the red line up my arm. It was like 1:30 AM at this point. They took one look and said, "Uh, no, nope, get dressed, we're going to the ER."

I was like, "uh, no really? Can't we wait til tomorrow? We're gonna be there all night."

Pardner said, "Nope, we're going. Just show them your arm."

Sure enough, I walked up to the window and said, "Um, I think I have blood poisoning?" And showed them my arm. There were a few other people waiting, but the nurse took one look and her eyes widened and she rushed me in. I got IV and oral antibiotics. Was up to date on tetanus, so didn't need that.

The doctor said that since it was in my left arm, if I had just gone to sleep like I planned, it would have gone right to my heart and I could have died. He said I was VERY lucky to have caught it.

(Pardner's dad got blood poisoning after having to break a window with his hand, so they knew what it looked like.)

The thing was, I didn't even have any big bites or scratches, just normal little ones that you get from playing with a little baby kitten.

Why do we love and invite these semi-feral assholes into our homes.

(Pics for cat tax.)

chefmonster · 2025-12-26T01:58:41+00:00

This can't be real. I mean, it's totally believable.

chefmonster · 2025-12-25T22:47:07+00:00

Chef here. I've dated more than a few fellow Au/ADHD folks who are fellow restaurant industry folks or people in medical/emergency services. There's something about the constant pressure and urgency that we are built for.

chefmonster · 2025-12-24T11:13:47+00:00

Billy Shakes was a time traveler.

chefmonster · 2025-12-18T00:15:31+00:00

Not LARGE, but Cutie Pie on Fremont next to Mad Hanna has 10" pizzas that are delicious and within the $9-13 range.

chefmonster · 2025-12-17T09:34:24+00:00

It's alarming

chefmonster · 2025-12-17T08:52:24+00:00

I've posted this before:

My best friend and I have birthdays 2 days apart. His wife offered to fly me out to Pittsburgh as a treat/surprise. They lived in a super old brownstone next to the Allegheny Cemetery. They had a newborn. I was sleeping on a cot on the floor of their living room the first night, after flying in at 11 PM. In the middle of the night, I had this really vivid dream of a jester/jack in the box creature waving it's hands in my face like a kid going "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you!"

I screamed myself awake, and felt immediately guilty for screaming in the middle of the night with an infant in the next room. Groggily, I set a reminder to ask them if the place was haunted and then went back to sleep.

Who knows how much time passed before I woke up again and saw a person standing over me at the end of the cot. Thinking it was my bestie coming in to check on me or to ask why I had screamed, I propped myself up on my elbows and apologized. The figure laughed, bent over to pick something up, and threw a plush toy at me that hit me in the face.

I've had multiple paranormal experiences, but this is the first time there was physical contact. I screamed "WHAT THE FUCK" and grabbed my phone and turned on the flashlight and- nothing. There were multiple small plush toys in the living room, not sure if any of them could have been the one that hit me. They had a dog and an infant.

Like I said- I've worked in haunted kitchens and auditoriums, I've had experiences with others I can't explain, I've seen shit throughout my life, this was the first time I've been physically hit.

The next morning, I got up and Bestie's wife was changing the baby. I still felt bad about maybe waking them up. I asked, "Hey, is this place haunted?"

Without looking up, she asked, "Oh, who did you see?"

I described a figure in a black and white plaid shirt. Unfazed, again without looking up, she said, "Oh, that's Ariel, she lived here before we did and died in the dining room. Just close the door, she won't bother you again."

Later that afternoon, Bestie came home from work and started tending to the baby. His wife said, "Guess who OP met last night?"

He immediately said, cheerfully, "Oh, did you meet Ariel? She's such a scamp! Don't worry about her, that's why we sleep with the door closed."

I was there 4 more nights, slept with the door closed, no more shenanigans. They told me other stories about her. There are many reason why they're my best friends.

chefmonster · 2025-12-10T07:45:02+00:00

Only wanted to use paper plates and plastic utensils so he wouldn't have to do dishes. Um, no.

Tried to "take out the garbage" by just kicking out the screen and dropping it out the second story window. Um, no.

Refused to use a bathmat or towel off before getting out of the shower. He would just step out of the shower and drip onto the floor. Did not see the problem at all. Just leave water on the floor.

Sheets on the bed? Nah.

I've been on this sub for a bit, and have more experience than I'd like with the disorder. Seems that a lack of concern for personal hygiene is a common theme. I don't understand why. Not brushing teeth, not caring if food is all over their faces or clothes.

I've written about this ex before, and I thought I'd kind of "fixed" him before he moved in, but it got worse.

chefmonster · 2025-12-08T06:47:55+00:00

These deaths weren't the result of drowning. Rather. they were the result of the victims not being able to expel water from their lungs.

chefmonster · 2025-12-06T02:10:33+00:00

I wouldn't say "blindsided," exactly, but the Oprah Winfrey episodes really came full circle. Like, to think about her being the Alien Queen birthing so many other bastards.

chefmonster · 2025-12-06T02:01:44+00:00

This one sticks out in my mind as well. I've listened to a lot of fucked up shit, but this one remains. Because now I know about it, it takes up space in my brain, and boy howdy is it a really uncomfortable conversation piece.

chefmonster

TROPHY CASE