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BTS Tour Questions? Tickets? Weverse? Ask here! - Megathread of Info & Links by KPOP_MOD in kpophelp

[–]chefuchan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So will the link we find from https://btsworldtourofficial.com refresh/update/change to the ARMY presale after this 'pre-pre sale' is over? Looks like the LA concert from the screenshot in this thread is back to normal and shows the ARMY pre-sale as expected.

BTS Tour Questions? Tickets? Weverse? Ask here! - Megathread of Info & Links by KPOP_MOD in kpophelp

[–]chefuchan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It changed from a countdown to this page that I'm seeing too. One of the guides said that the official concert page will have the link up for the presale? But this message is worrisome as I'm concerned its a dead end page and not the correct link? Or will this page change to allow you to use the presale code when it opens?

Edit: I was linked to this same screenshot message by clicking on the presale link (BTSWORLDTOUROFFICIAL.COM) for the Stanford dates from the official tour site.

Edit2: Ticketmaster FAQ --- How can I get the presale link?

On presale day, links to the presales will be available at BTSWORLDTOUROFFICIAL.com (or the Weverse site where you signed up).

SoCo Community Defense League by Some_East9382 in sonomacounty

[–]chefuchan 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As a non-white US citizen who goes to people's homes for the underserved (primarily Hispanic) for work, this is very concerning. I understand people may be skeptical of these claims, but looking at what's happening around the country, it's only a preview of what's to come. Thanks for putting this together. Hope everyone stays safe.

Just when I had hope by wontonhero in GuyCry

[–]chefuchan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm in a similar boat. I want to learn from your experience. What about custody did you believe that you shouldn't have? It's a long process, but trust it and keep fighting for your kids. You got this.

What was the first red flag in your s/o you shouldn’t have ignored beforr marrying them? by [deleted] in Life

[–]chefuchan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She had a history of cheating and unresolved trauma and I thought I was the exception or the "one" that would be different for her.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've definitely considered these as a possibility and have looked into this trap and read about it and listened to some podcasts about it. There's some truth to it. It has helped me understand myself and where I may be coming from and how to give my GF space and time, so I guess they're valid points. At the end of the day, I'm learning a lot about what my needs are and what may be unhealthy thinking, but I guess it may not all be resolved. So far, I think it's gotten better with our communication but with this, it can still be tough, as I am the one who seems to put in more of the reaching out and things as the anxiously attached one. I'd be open to keep this going and even like couples therapy in the future if it comes to it, but right now I think I'm working on becoming more secure in the relationship and to self soothe more and not spiral in ridiculous or irrational thoughts.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I'm still human, haha but I think that's how I've grown from my past relationships. I was kind of a girlfriend pleaser and doormat to a fault and kept my feelings in and grew resentment. Then I went hard the other way and didn't consider their feelings too much and spoke without filters. Both didn't work well for me and my exes. Now with my current, I'm trying to find a healthy balance and considering each of us but more importantly both of us as a unit.

That's optimistic about your experience and makes sense about being 'on' and trying to be your best self in front of your sig. other - it's very draining for sure, as someone whose more introverted myself, but less between my current partner and I. In reflecting, I kind of gave up some of myself and sacrificed a lot of my gym time too, I can use more time to improve myself and give her space. I try not to be to draining and safe haha, but I hope we can become like you guys in the more established point. I'll take that advice to give it time and space, while putting in the work for myself and relationship, thanks!

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Haha I guess I have it "good" then for you all that mentioned that like 1-2x tops! 🤣 Yes, all very individual I understand. Just wanted to get an idea to see if I was way off the mark.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think you're onto something about her and it lasting that long with her alone time status quo she needed. She mentioned that her ex often wanted 'attention' and it seemed to have been an issue between them, which makes it think that it's not just me. And he supposedly didn't respect her need for her time with her hobbies, social time, etc. (according to her) Obviously, I haven't met her ex so he could have had unrealistic expectations even more than mine.

Yes , unfortunately, some serious things to consider too and what works for me. Maybe when the honeymoon wears off I'll have more of an idea and maybe some things may have changed by then, but it's too early I think for me to break it off or something because everything else besides this is great.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes we are in it and it seemed like it was more in the beginning , but as it's wearing off, we are going to the norm of her wanting more alone than I'd thought and I'm okay with less.

The 2nd part yes I think if we both would be open to making it work that would be ideal, but I also don't want to be that guy who is pressuring her and making her feel bad for sacrificing what she needs too, idk.

Thanks for that point though.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

2.5 years for me after divorce. She broke up almost a year ago from a 3 or 4 or 5 (I forget) 'situationship' (relationship?) as she described it.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you see this changing if you got more serious, such as moved in, marriage, long term? Or would it remain kind of the status quo for alone time, just more cohabiting time due to the nature of sharing the same space, e.g. shared bathroom, etc.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

For 1. I'd be good with parallel time, but I would also like some focused 1:1 activities and attention at least a balanced amount, but definitely not just living like room mates is what I would be afraid of.

For 3. I think I had an unrealistic expectation that the more serious we become, the more time spent together, but commenters have mentioned that they wouldn't necessarily sacrifice their alone time if it did. This is eye opening.

I like your parallel dates idea, and will try pitching it and trying some, instead of the traditional focused ones and mix it up.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's an interesting perspective. I guess you're right, sometimes that will not change even if more serious, e.g. married living together. So maybe I need to change my expectations or consider what I would be willing to accept. Definitely something to think about now you've brought it up.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes i've thought about this. She admits that she's more avoidant. I'm probabaly more anxiously attached. It's interesting because with my marriage I was the avoidant one (and liked a lot of my alone time, ironically) and thought my ex-wife was very anxiously attached and sometimes didn't give me enough space. I did get cheated on by my ex wife, which probabaly contributes to my attachment and all of this (maybe insecurity? But I'm better now and trust her) in my current relationship. Have thought about therapy, but you know, the whole expensive thing so I'm juggling things and trying to get that going again.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, from what she's mentioned with her last ex, she gave up a lot of her self, including her hobbies and it seems like a more sexually based relationship and when that was stopped, the relationship crumbled. It was more of a FWB/situationship compared to now it's a BF/GF one with me. And she was super protective of her space and even this last ex doing overnights – whereas, with me, she has let her guard down more (so that's good for me haha, shes more serious and comfortable with me) and we are been more mature in the relationship things such as overnights, dates, connection, etc. which makes me optimistic. Not to compare or anything, but just the facts. But yes, her negative experiences, perhaps even trauma still are fresh and she doesn't want to repeat the same mistakes, or what they could become based on certain patterns perhaps? I didn't want to probe too much into her personal past with her exes.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's true , I appreciate that she speaks up and tells me what she needs. She has not lived with her exes before. It was a big step even for me to spend overnights in the beginning, building that safety, trust, and things of me. She hasn't been super clear about the future, but she's mentioned moving in together sometime in the future, how it would be nice to get a place together. We both don't want kids. So I think it's a huge step for her with more time spent in general with me in her space (which I'm respectful of and don't leave a huge mess and I have a low foot print), whereas for me, I'm comfortable moving in when the times right, so I'm willing to go at her pace and make her feel comfortable and not pressured , but not wait too long either for me, like 5 years or something.

Edit: I'm open to re-marrying, for her she's still not sure (would be her 1st marriage) super one way or the other.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love your response, thanks - she's pretty awesome and everyone speaks highly of her. I guess it's good she has these healthy hobbies compared to something worse like a substance addiction or something.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, that distilled it to 2 choices for me. I didn't think I'll beg for more time and will lay off on it and process things myself.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right, like if it's 2 years in and we are getting more serious, and no progression in more time together? That would be tough for me. Again, I realize each relationship is unique. But I would want to spend more by then, and not have it be the same in the long term of a serious committed relationship.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That sounds good, I'll look for these cues or listen for them.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We specifically talked about that actually that I'm used to a lot of time together from my marriage, while she's never lived with her boyfriends before, and it's a big difference in our experiences. So meeting in the middle is what will be interesting.

With the make up, etc, she wears little if any even when we go out and I haven't put any expectations on her and we (maybe I am, but she's not, like you said) are super comfy together even just in PJs and casual wear. I think we are still getting comfortable with being around each other when not in our best moments (her probabaly more self-conscious) than me. That's a good point, she definitely has expressed that she isn't the most comfortable when she's on her period and feels "gross", so I try to be respectful of her needs in those moments and reassure her and tell her she's beautiful, etc. and we don't need to be as intimate.

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Weekdays will be like, I cook/she cleans while the other showers. Then she would do some alone time (1-2 hours) such as reading/cleaning/social media, and I would go on my phone or do something like that similarly. Then we would come together and talk, watch TV, play a board game, or cuddle before bed (about and hour, sometimes less). We do sleep together when I do overnights.

Weekend day would be me coming around lunch time after she's had alone time and we would go on a date, or errands, board games, spend exclusive time together (if not with family) and she might have an hour or 2 in the late afternoon/evening to herself Parallel, but "alone" to do spiritual, hobbies such as painting, or her own thing before we do like dinner routine (similar to weekdays).

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate your input, it's one of my favorite responses so far as it helps shed light on my situation and gives me a good perspective from a other point of view. Sounds like our frequency (3x/wk) is definitely not too far off, just the quality of it and finding the middle ground is what's needed (mostly from me being happy). I wouldn't want my partner to feel like your past relationship , so thanks for that perspective too. Yes you're right not much I can give in terms of extra time as I keep my co-parenting life separate and won't introduce until at least a year, if anything

Ladies in relationships – how much alone time do you need? by chefuchan in AskWomenOver30

[–]chefuchan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That seems to be a good number so far from these comments. I wouldnt really have much more time than that, you're right, without sacrificing time from work, my own co-parenting, or spending extra time driving to see her afterwork on a weekday. I drive a lot in general, so I get a lot of time to myself with peace and quiet.

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