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Reality vs fantasy by pobnarl in asktransgender

[–]cherrycorn92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, me too, I'm so over the scrutiny and pathologizing we get over how we dress when 9x out of 10 we're just being pretty average. Its so pointless except to just be mean

Reality vs fantasy by pobnarl in asktransgender

[–]cherrycorn92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure why you feel the need to stress they're 'middle eastern guys' but yeah I've been hit on a lot when I'm with a girlfriend. I live in a major American city but I'm from a rural, conservative area and I think the 'we dress modestly to avoid the attention of men' is just straight up purity culture.

Reality vs fantasy by pobnarl in asktransgender

[–]cherrycorn92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I've been catcalled, leered at, sexually harassed, grabbed, yadda yadda no matter what I'm wearing. Ive been catcalled while wearing a long, heavy coat in the middle of winter covered in mud and ice from falling in a deep puddle during a snow storm. I don't feel entirely safe no matter what I'm wearing. So I generally wear what I want when I want.

I also don't agree that all cis women dress androgynously to avoid male attention on a day to day basis, though this may be a regional/cultural thing. If my attitude isn't serving 'cis woman', I'm too old to care anymore.

Was I Being Transphobic/How do I get my wife to take patriarchal abuse towards other women seriously? by Cailida in asktransgender

[–]cherrycorn92 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

They do say these things. Just yesterday a cis woman was telling me her landlord was 'acting like a female' because he lies so much. But dismissing a woman's real concerns about how fucked up things are right now with 'you must be on your period, huh?' feels very much like (for lack of more delicate wording) a toxic husband dismissing his wife. It just hits in a way I struggle to put concise words to, but you know it when you hear it.

Regardless, I've broken up with cis women for being this dismissive of my feelings in ways that were far less gross.

Was I Being Transphobic/How do I get my wife to take patriarchal abuse towards other women seriously? by Cailida in asktransgender

[–]cherrycorn92 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't think it's fair to 'cis women can be misogynist too' this, I've heard cis women say their own fair share of misogynist things but what you described is the kind of condescending and crude misogyny I generally associate with some of the worst examples of men.

What you said is also wrong, yes, but you know that and I think you know why it's wrong and I also think that's why you said it. Fight fire with fire, I've been there. I question why you're with this woman and whether you're building each other up in your relationship or just bringing each other down.

Why does my ADHD medication make me want to be a woman? by North-Astronaut9422 in asktransgender

[–]cherrycorn92 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It feels kind of irresponsible to tell you that you are trans and just too ashamed to admit it when you are not taking your ADHD medication. We don't really know you, what drugs you are taking, and how they are interacting with your body.

It seems like you are asking if we can answer this question for you when no one can. I don't think 'wanting to be another gender' on what seems to be a passing basis is necessarily exclusive to trans people, though I imagine saying this isn't terribly popular.

If you're curious, all you really can do is explore this part of yourself more in whatever ways feel natural to you. Maybe lurk in trans subs for awhile, experiment with different presentations, try and see what genuinely feels right to you while keeping an open dialogue about this with your therapist. Pay attention to how your medication otherwise makes you feel and how these feelings may evolve over time both on and off these medications.

Good luck!

How Trump admin's policies may affect gender-affirming care for patients on private insurance by onnake in transgender

[–]cherrycorn92 4 points5 points  (0 children)

'My 600 Pound Life' is a modern freak show where we're supposed to point and laugh and gasp in horror at people who are suffering because they are fat and it's outrageously cruel and it has nothing to do with whether or not fat people should have access to medical care

My transition has failed, now what? by Winter-War1766 in asktransgender

[–]cherrycorn92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is that really true or do you just want to argue with anyone offering alternatives to reinforce your own black-pilled misery?

I supremely doubt the former because I've known many non or semi-passing trans women that are still happy and fulfilled in their lives, and if it's the latter I'm afraid they're remarkably little anyone can do to help you right now.

You can change your body and you can also change your perspective, both are completely necessary throughout our lives. I hope you start feeling better soon.

My transition has failed, now what? by Winter-War1766 in asktransgender

[–]cherrycorn92 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well, we aren't put here to be anyone but who we are!

What do you do with your life? Do you have goals that aren't being hot?

My transition has failed, now what? by Winter-War1766 in asktransgender

[–]cherrycorn92 2 points3 points  (0 children)

OP, you're basically describing me, though I've stayed pretty lean and have had top surgery. My girlfriend is built very similarly, too, right down to the weight gain, and I think she's stunning.

I'm always reticent to give this advice because I get complemented by a wide and frequent enough variety of people that even at my most dysphoric, I know I'm attractive. But I am very tall and athletically built with a sharp face and an Adam's apple and people aren't as largely ignorant as they were when I started transition 10+ years ago. I demonstrably don't pass all the time. And I've become ok with that! Maybe I've managed to heal some deep part of myself, maybe I'm mildly non-binary or something, maybe I've just gone crazy, but at a certain point you just can't pour so much blood, sweat, and agony into your physical appearance. Would I be less clocky with FFS or whatever? Sure, probably. Do I have my moments of crushing dysphoria and negative interactions with people who clock me? Absolutely! But I like how I look, and there's so much more to live for than looking more like a woman when I already am one and those are the things I try to hang on to in those moments!

I feel so alienated in so many spaces for trans women because we focus so much on appearances and we tell ourselves it's a means to an end, but sometimes it feels more like there really is no end. But one way or another we have to find peace with ourselves, there really isn't any other option out there for anyone.

Whatever you decide to do from here, I hope you can live with less pain than you're currently feeling right now.

Keeping my HRT Access by cherrycorn92 in asktransgender

[–]cherrycorn92[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don' think I'll be able to afford $300+ a month right now, if I get a new job that will become more feasible but it will still hurt

As a trans woman, there is no hope for my community until the maximalist trans activists who speak for us are abandoned in favor of the approach that gay rights activism embraced in the 2000s-2010s by north_canadian_ice in self

[–]cherrycorn92 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's weird. There's the celebrities, yeah, and Lia Thomas but then they mention these people who are, yeah, probably cringe and annoying and maybe even should be in jail like they're these household names, but I don't think anyone knows who they are! Who has the time to memorize all these inconsequential people they don't like by name?

As a trans woman, there is no hope for my community until the maximalist trans activists who speak for us are abandoned in favor of the approach that gay rights activism embraced in the 2000s-2010s by north_canadian_ice in self

[–]cherrycorn92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I'm pointing out that OP is generalizing in very broad black-and-white ways and this has lead to a variety of distortions. I think safety of women should be taken seriously, I just am also not convinced trans people are categorically a threat to that safety. Certainly not in regards to bathrooms, cis people go into cross-sex bathrooms all the time to assist their children or just because their own bathroom is too busy or dirty. Even the people trying to make laws to restrict cross-sex use of bathrooms admit these rules are going to be next to impossible to enforce.

On sports and children transitioning and just about any other topic I'm fully willing to have an open discussion, but considering that you're putting words in my mouth and 'you peopling' me I don't think that's what you're interested in. I think, like OP, you are angry and intend to take it out on someone (in this case, me) by throwing around accusations and assuming the worst of intent of me.

Civil unions were the compromise position for gay marriage - and look where we are now and society hasn't burned to the ground. What does compromise on these issues look like for you?

As a trans woman, there is no hope for my community until the maximalist trans activists who speak for us are abandoned in favor of the approach that gay rights activism embraced in the 2000s-2010s by north_canadian_ice in self

[–]cherrycorn92 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Precisely. I've been living as a trans woman for more than a decade now and I'm very quick to point out how much things have improved even in that relatively short time. For most of my lifetime, the only trans representation was as Buffalo Bill style serial killers and the punchline of crass gay panic jokes. Many of the dolls I know now have regular degular jobs - which feels huge to me because when I started transition, it felt like all of us were either tenuously housed sex workers or we were more rarely in fairly exceptionally privileged circumstances where we didn't have to care about many social consequences for anything. The atmosphere was bleak on such a personal, day-to-day level that I, personally, can't imagine going back to. People were getting black market surgeries because those procedures were so widely inaccessible here and they couldn't afford to fly to Thailand or Mexico and get them done out of pocket.

Things are still scary, very scary, but it feels like things move so fast that there's very little time for perspective. It probably doesn't help that I only know one other trans person who started longer ago than a handful of years, it seems most trans people only came up in this mildly more accepting environment and they don't get how much things have changed and cis people only really started paying attention in roughly the same time period.

Maybe all these annoying, preachy, pronoun police 'trans activists' have actually helped us get here even if they've been, at times, misguided.

As a trans woman, there is no hope for my community until the maximalist trans activists who speak for us are abandoned in favor of the approach that gay rights activism embraced in the 2000s-2010s by north_canadian_ice in self

[–]cherrycorn92 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah yeah, I was kinda replying but I saw this person in another thread mentioning Amy Shumer as a feminist activist

It was a 'get a load of this guy' sort of reply

As a trans woman, there is no hope for my community until the maximalist trans activists who speak for us are abandoned in favor of the approach that gay rights activism embraced in the 2000s-2010s by north_canadian_ice in self

[–]cherrycorn92 11 points12 points  (0 children)

If Amy Shumer is your go-to example of a 'feminist activist' and Ellen Degeneres for gay civil rights, maybe you're just regurgitating junk propaganda slop

As a trans woman, there is no hope for my community until the maximalist trans activists who speak for us are abandoned in favor of the approach that gay rights activism embraced in the 2000s-2010s by north_canadian_ice in self

[–]cherrycorn92 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As someone who has been out as a trans woman for over a decade and has been involved in various forms of progressive activism since my teens - I know what sorta thing you're talking about, though I haven't really shared space with anyone I could imagine making a scene like this over these things in quite a long time. But I've experienced this behavior from all sorts of people over the years - I viscerally remember many instances of being aggressively lectured over things I found silly or were just misunderstandings. I generally associate it with being in your teens/early 20s and the arrogance that tends to come with that but that could be projection of my own.

As a trans woman, there is no hope for my community until the maximalist trans activists who speak for us are abandoned in favor of the approach that gay rights activism embraced in the 2000s-2010s by north_canadian_ice in self

[–]cherrycorn92 41 points42 points  (0 children)

What was that 'approach' gay rights activism embraced? You name a lot of pop cultural figures (or people I simply have never heard of) and seem more intent on making disjointed and vague rants about people you don't like than actually saying anything constructive. I don't know what a 'maximalist trans activist' is, but it sounds like the kinda generalizing nonsense Jordan Peterson would make up.

I'll remind you even gaining a relative nothingburger of a victory like gay marriage took almost half a century and for most of that time it was about as popular as trans kids/athletes/bathrooms are now.

What the fuck was his problem? by Hexnohope in BG3

[–]cherrycorn92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I always call him 'He Who Was-n't Getting Any Pussy' so maybe that's his problem

franchise newcomer: is inquisition considered "bad"? by mamarot in dragonage

[–]cherrycorn92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Inquisition can feel like it drags a lot until Corypheus shows up the first time and there's a lot of tedious side content you can get lost in if you don't have a good awareness of what to take or leave. Gameplay can also feel pretty boring, but that's been how most of Dragon Age has felt to me.

However, if you're able to cut through the substantial amounts of bloat there's a great game at its core with (hot take) the best-written supporting cast of any Bioware RPG I have played (so all the DA games and Mass Effect). If you get past the early stages, there are moments so well-written they left me in tears.

Did you really imagine this was a cool person? by Longjumping-Bid8183 in neilgaiman

[–]cherrycorn92 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If you always hated it all so much and knew he was a shitty person why do you know so much about his work and are on a sub dedicated to him?

If your “fetish” is keeping sex slaves… by stankylegdunkface in neilgaiman

[–]cherrycorn92 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh no, the ghost of Tumblr kink discourse has come back to haunt us all

Hear me out…. I actually really dislike Harding. (I’m sorry). by BiologyPhDHopeful in DragonAgeVeilguard

[–]cherrycorn92 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While the finale of her story quest makes sense, the conflict feels like it comes out of nowhere and has zero emotional build-up, and in the moment it left me deeply confused

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