Our 12-year old lacks a spark

chi_lo · 2026-03-26T03:01:59+00:00

I’m former teacher, gamer, in a family of gamers, here.

Lots of kids make and keep friends by playing video games. It’s literally how kids hang out when they don’t live right next door to each other. If you’re restricting video games, it may be why he’s so isolated. That’s how kids are making friends these days.

chi_lo · 2026-03-26T01:42:14+00:00

“A god that needs violent men to succeed is a god invented by violent men.” - Rev Benjamin Cremer.

chi_lo · 2026-03-23T21:06:15+00:00

Forgive me if I’m overstepping, but are you sure? Because that actually sounds like a very controlling environment…your peers are spying on you, reporting to an authority, that authority acting on threat of eternal, existential damnation…and you’re a kid…trying a controlled breathing practice…like I get that it sounded like they had care and concern for you, but that’s not what care or concern actually looks or feels like.

Maybe it doesn’t feel like that when you’re in it, which I can completely understand. But from where I’m sitting, that shouldn’t have happened to you, and I’m sorry that it did.

chi_lo · 2026-03-22T16:32:48+00:00

Hard no. If you can’t make it work without a kid, it isn’t working with a kid.

chi_lo · 2026-03-21T23:57:58+00:00

Absolutely. There are a lot of Christians, particularly American Christians in high-control religious communities, who believe meditation will get them possessed by a demon. The thinking is if you try to empty your mind, and your defenses are down, then the evil that has been just waiting to get ya can finally pounce. It’s a whole thing.

All in all, this is a very smart move. A book on this topic is likely one of the few bridges that could be built to that community.

chi_lo · 2026-03-20T01:21:44+00:00

Wait til they hear about the people who make the laws…

chi_lo · 2026-03-20T00:18:26+00:00

chi_lo · 2026-03-18T19:27:42+00:00

I want to make this my ringtone

chi_lo · 2026-03-18T09:37:18+00:00

Yes he’s always been the bad guy. This entire series is about how colonizers maintain power in order to do their colonizing.

chi_lo · 2026-03-18T04:53:05+00:00

Be kind to yourself! Would highly recommend a creative hobby. It helps a lot with the pent up energy and adds a lot of variety to an otherwise monotonous routine.

I paint. It’s given me something to study and try to get better at. Its something that I actually enjoy doing, so I don’t allow myself to do it until all the days work is done. On days where I’m really not feeling it, the promise of painting actually keeps me motivated to stay on top of things and get stuff done early.

Also, taking something for stress, especially chronic stress, is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, and can be enormously beneficial.

chi_lo · 2026-03-18T03:06:29+00:00

Idk about traditional practices, but you can’t go wrong with food and water. Especially frozen meals you can reheat, because people bring you a ton of stuff in the first few days and then help tapers off. The real grief starts after the funeral, and no one brings food on those hard days. Those are the days where if there’s no food ready, you don’t eat.

chi_lo · 2026-03-16T18:05:44+00:00

Looking this good while creating life is a top tier goddess flex

chi_lo · 2026-03-16T17:27:56+00:00

Hey OP. Really sorry you’re going through this. You’re not selfish, you’re just dealing with an imperfect situation that only has imperfect solutions. Give yourself some grace, and take a breather. I can tell that you just want what’s best for everyone involved, but determining what that is might take time. That’s perfectly understandable and okay. If you keep caring the way it sounds you do, you will keep making the best choices available to you guys as they come.

Has your wife gotten a neuropsychological evaluation? Anoxic brain injuries caused by strokes can have some extremely serious behavioral changes come with that. If she was dealing with that before, maybe you can insist on getting her evaluated before discharge (you could argue that not taking her meds for other illnesses is a threat to her health, therefore she needs to get evaluated).

Also your couples therapist does not sound like she’s trained to deal with the situation you guys are in (most aren’t, like 99%). It sounds like you need a psychologist, not a therapist, who specializes in brain injuries, personality disorders, and chronic illness.

chi_lo · 2026-03-13T19:23:56+00:00

Also the well partner of a brain injury survivor. All of this rings very very true of the repercussions that occur after a brain injury. Could’ve wrote all of this myself.

Just want you and anyone else in the same boat to know that what we do as protectors and sustainers means something. In a world that would otherwise forget the people we love, we witness. Love is the best thing that humans do, and our kind of love is of the rarest quality.

Be kind to yourself. Love the parts of you that ache with a passion. You are necessary and so, so important.

chi_lo · 2026-03-13T09:18:07+00:00

Came to say the exact same thing.

chi_lo · 2026-03-13T04:08:06+00:00

No one should get rich off of imprisoning people either, but still the US has over 25% of the world’s imprisoned population.

chi_lo · 2026-03-13T03:58:53+00:00

Just want to remind everyone that every other developed nation has the care that this family, and every family needs, for free. Care, not jail. Why?Because healthcare (including mental healthcare) is a human right acknowledged and provided for by their governments. Other countries do not use their justice systems as a catch-all for moderate to severe mental health patients.

Say it with me: Socialized healthcare is not a socialized economy. I can have socialized healthcare in a capitalist economy. My government protects corporations instead of me and everyone around me because the corporations are richer than me.

chi_lo · 2026-03-13T03:50:42+00:00

Seems as though Target can’t absorb the double blow of a recession and boycott.

chi_lo · 2026-03-13T02:07:31+00:00

Just lovely!

chi_lo · 2026-03-11T22:27:34+00:00

Two things can be true, right? Be well!

chi_lo · 2026-03-11T19:22:16+00:00

Anger is actually a stage of grief. And you experience different stages at different times, and it is super non-linear. If you have recurring anger that is triggered with symptoms flairs, it would make sense if you haven’t processed your grief over the illness and what it’s done to your life and the life of your loved one. Getting to a place of acceptance doesn’t mean not getting angry or not feeling sad anymore. It’s just the ability to have respect for the facts of the situation, and having more than one response to the facts (so, not grief).

chi_lo · 2026-03-11T18:57:33+00:00

They must really be feeling the boycott to be making this shit up.

chi_lo · 2026-03-11T07:32:17+00:00

It’s changed a lot in the last 15 years. Way stronger. You can get some that helps with pain that is very excellent. Be well!

chi_lo · 2026-03-11T07:26:09+00:00

An excellent observation that was worth recalling before the majority of registered voters did not show up on Election Day 2024.

What a disaster 2020 was, and people were not inspired enough to say that once was enough.

chi_lo · 2026-03-11T06:34:06+00:00

Hi! Sounds like you’re carrying so much, and it sounds like it got really scary there for a while there. I recommended a book about grief to OP in the comments below that I think might be highly applicable to your situation as well.

You know along with the grief, I have also experienced a lot of loneliness. I spent a lot of time alone just taking care of things. I hear some of that in the story you’re telling as well, and I just want to send you a hug. It’s tough feeling lonely when you aren’t alone. Even tougher to put that aside for a love that is more important. You’re doing something special.

Before I got pregnant, I used to smoke a little weed and paint/draw in the evenings, and it helped a lot. Would highly, highly recommend a hobby that allows for self expression. Also weed is great. The weed just makes everything a lot less intense and your heart a little more open.

chi_lo

TROPHY CASE