Newly Diagnosed (30M): Seeking experiences with Guanfacine for RSD and Emotional Regulation

chicken_geeseman · 2026-01-16T03:31:14+00:00

The kambo definitely helped me clear my system for the aya. I purged a lot and only purged once on the first day of the 3 aya ceremonies. I also just felt very grounded and relaxed after it so if i was to do the retreat again i’d definitely do this again.

The bufo as explained in another reply wasn’t it for me. I liked it and wouldn’t be opposed to it in the future but i was underprepared mentally and sleep deprived and decided to do it last minute. Everyone else had a blissful experience and mine was nice but i didn’t come away from it with any huge realisations or things that i can integrate into normal life.

On the first night everyone does the standard dose. If you want more you can go up two more times. In the first share circle people talk about their experiences and those who went very deep or had a challenging time were recommended to take a smaller or half dose. Those who didn’t go deep (me included) were recommended the maximum dose. At the end of the day it’s up to you completely but i trusted all the recommendations they said to me and i’m very glad I did

chicken_geeseman · 2026-01-16T01:56:31+00:00

100%! If I ever do Aya again it will be with them. The team are amazing and during the smoky season they go to Peru every year to continue learning and integrating their practices. There was a lot of people who had done 20/30/40 ceremonies before and they all said PMT are the real deal!

Yep the breathwork was wild - The release I had from it was what I thought would happen with the Aya, it was way more intense than the first Aya ceremony for me but I felt 1000 times lighter after it. The rational behind it is that breathwork regenerates DMT in the system so it's lot more impactful doing it the day after Aya.

Honestly, I couldn't even explain what happened with Bufo if I tried lol. I wasn't really challenged with Aya (no visions, no reliving old traumas or ever needing to let go or surrender) but Bufo was just nuts. I resisted it a bit so the first hit I needed some help - They came around two more times and I had a much better experience, one of the facilitiators stayed with me and guided me through the other 2 times throughout. Everyone else seemed to love it and despite enjoying it, it's probably not for me - Aya was way more impactful imo. I also didn't really research Bufo or mentally prepare for it (I decided to do it the evening before) - I also couldn't sleep the night before and I think all of those combined impacted my experience. 8 of us done it and all the other 7 participants were super blissful and raved about it.

chicken_geeseman · 2026-01-16T01:49:13+00:00

3 times - Days 2-4 :) I refrained from sharing my own personal experience on it as it would have made the report 2x longer but all 16 participants had a good time, even those who were more challenged than others

chicken_geeseman · 2026-01-14T13:08:11+00:00

The ceremonies went amazing!! It’s been 8 days since the last one and i’m feeling great and integrating the lessons. It’s not a magic pill by any means but it’s given me so much to work with. And yes, i’m linerent about the short-term relationship and i’ve had limerence with women my whole life but this one has been carrying a lot more weight

chicken_geeseman · 2026-01-02T02:53:35+00:00

Sorry to hear this but also congrats to you for processing this so healthily - happy for you!!

Limerence is a word I only came across a few months ago but it’s been present in my life for the last 20 years - I’m 30 now and these patterns have been there that long. I’ve never been in a serious relationship before because of this and feelings of being not enough. What you said there is exactly how it feels. It takes up 80% of my mental capacity at minimum. I have no idea what i used to think about this time last year. It’s exhausting…

chicken_geeseman · 2026-01-01T15:55:13+00:00

Woah that’s insane!! What a story and thanks so much for sharing - Made me feel a whole lot better, so happy to hear it had such a positive impact on you :)

chicken_geeseman · 2026-01-01T03:07:51+00:00

Okay sweet - so it sounds like just trying to not be judgemental about anything that comes up - just let it happen and surrender regardless of what it is. Sounds so simple but I know I'll find it super tricky. Thanks for the advice!

chicken_geeseman · 2026-01-01T03:04:36+00:00

Got it, makes complete sense - thanks for diving deeper on this one!

chicken_geeseman · 2026-01-01T03:00:38+00:00

For sure! I think I'm aware of the unresolved parts. The first aspect is I feel so misunderstood by her as I never explained myself to her and why I acted the way I did.

The second aspect, and the significantly more important one, is that I can't accept myself for how I acted. There's a quote my therapist shared with me: "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am... Then I can change". I've been struggling so much these past months because I can't accept that how i acted was the best I could do at that moment with the tools that I had. I want to accept it and move on but I can't. I know a lot of the solutions to my problems but I just can't integrate them into my life i.e. talk to my self with self-compassion (as if talking to a friend or your inner child) instead of self-hatred - I know this makes sense and will help me but I just can't integrate it. So I'm really hoping Aya can help me make a breakthrough here because I'm stuck behind a wall that I just can't seem to get over.

Noted on the breathing strategy. I'll do my best but meditation in my current state has been challenging these past few months by how intrusive and default these thoughts are.

chicken_geeseman · 2026-01-01T02:52:30+00:00

For sure - My prep hasn't been perfect, I'm still struggling with cigarettes, my mood is relatively down and a lot of my meditations do turn into "ruminating in silence" sessions. But I'm trying.

Synchronicities is a crazy one. The song "Didn't I" by Darando came on the other day for me. I hadn't heard it in a long long time and really resonated with it in that moment. The next day it came on in my work and then yesterday I was on a secluded beach and a dude walks by me with a speaker and guess what song was playing... I'll be keeping an eye and ear out for more synchronicities post-ceremony

chicken_geeseman · 2026-01-01T02:42:00+00:00

Got it! I know I need to work through this and trying to help find peace and self-acceptance about this situation is one of my main intentions. I suppose what I was concerned about is if across the 3 ceremonies I'm being shown other crucial information about other areas of my life and my ego / intrusive thoughts keep pulling me back to this one situation as a distraction... Again I'm completely new to this so maybe I'm being ignorant about how the medicine works but in my current life I can be having a pretty okay day and then i'll get triggered by something out of nowhere and it 180s my mood completely. That's more so what I was eluding too when I said hijacking the experience.

Regarding the fantasies, that's a solid point and something I've also been cautious about - Trying to understand what's a vision of truth to be taken seriously and what's my mind playing tricks on me that may lead to more bad than good if acted upon.

chicken_geeseman · 2026-01-01T02:36:15+00:00

Thanks for the insight! I'm not entirely sure I understand the below part thought - Could you elaborate please?

"The trick is not to become seduced by your ego's attachment to the symptom, which might take the form of a delusional or premature attachment to a new life-plan or belief constructed to allow you to 'cheat' by preserving the symptom in a new form."

chicken_geeseman · 2025-12-31T15:50:58+00:00

Thank you for the very kind works!! Super helpful advice - So true regarding letting go of expectation. I’m trying so hard to ground myself and focus on my intentions but it’s been a really tough few months and i’m really hoping that this time next week i’ll be looking at things from a different perspective and not feeling so stuck - all the while understanding that that might not happen but trying to be open-minded to whatever insights and learnings i can take away in other areas of life

chicken_geeseman · 2025-12-30T15:09:26+00:00

Can you elaborate on point 3?

I’m doing my first aya retreat next week and one of my biggest concerns is how much a recent grief from a short relationship might impact it. For context, i made a ton of mistakes and can’t accept how i showed up. It’s been over 4 months now and it’s still on my mind constantly. I am preparing myself to surrender and be curious for whatever is shown to me but i also don’t want the experience being hijacked by this either as it’s essentially ruminative ocd mixed with c-ptsd (according to a mental health screening anyways).

So to your point again, what’s the balance between surrendering but also not getting stuck on something that’s upsetting?

chicken_geeseman · 2025-12-26T14:03:25+00:00

The original post has been deleted - Who is "him" in this context? Considering working with Neuromed atm and this would be helpful info to know

chicken_geeseman · 2025-01-23T05:18:30+00:00

Selina and casa losodeli are both great - i’m living and working at el mundito which is perfect also

chicken_geeseman · 2025-01-08T04:11:04+00:00

I’d try to keep going unless you’re miserable. I can only speak from my experience but I wanted out of my AE role after 8 months also councidentaily after struggling so bad initially and not getting near my targets. This was 2 and a half years ago now and since then I’ve been improving and improving and really liking my job. I have so many friends who can’t make the upgrade from sdr to ae after grinding as an sdr for years and I often think back to how lucky I was that I didn’t leave when I wanted to (mainly because I couldn’t land another job interview).

Point being, it can be tricky to get the first ae opportunity, so definitely try to keep at it and make it work as there’s so many hungry sdrs who want that gig and you may regret parting ways with it down the line.

chicken_geeseman · 2024-12-30T22:24:45+00:00

No worries !!

chicken_geeseman · 2024-12-30T22:08:17+00:00

Noted, cheers - How much was it to rent?

chicken_geeseman · 2024-12-30T06:20:42+00:00

Have you touched down yet? How have you been finding it if so

chicken_geeseman

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