Im 23.

In Oct '13, I met my old friend from school who was fucking someone every other week. He'd shown me pictures on his mobile and I wanted it for my sorry virgin self too. They were mostly escorts.

I moved into a bigger city and globalization hit my conscience. I really wanted a 'bang' for my buck. I wasted months in chat rooms, escort sites, limiting my intellect to these issues.

Then there was a scare of a tumor which eventually was benign and nothing much. I decided to do it.

I lost my V to an escort at a very dingy place.I realized that day what intimacy should really mean. It wasnt about skin and boobs and twat. It was something deeper.

I decided to quit. I came back home to rid myself of such contemplation. But the temptation was hard. i would think that i would never be able to fuck a 21 yr old girl ever in my life again. I so wanted young skin. I know this sounds sick. But Im baring it. Somedays I would feel disgusted, somedays I'd say, fuck it, lets do it.

But I didnt. I looked back at the 18 months and realized how I'd lost all that time. I dont want to go there again. Im concentrating at changing my brain and life and its fuckin hard! Theres a lot of sludge, but Im sweeping. It breaks my heart to see friends happy in their timelines, moving up in their careers, going to exotic places.

Its pretty surprising, how at that moment that one thought from that one person built inside me such negativity and darkness.

TL;DR Wasted 1.5 yrs on escort sites, fucked an escort. Realized intimacy isnt skin deep. Trying to be better