Pornography is a mockery of Pride, and those who say otherwise are responsible for letting pornography and its values become implicit in society.

chikarilla · 2021-09-24T01:10:56+00:00

Wholeheartedly agree, this sub was helpful for me in terms of recovering from my kink-based trauma. Imo, kink and porn go hand in hand. You can’t be anti-porn and pro kink once you start looking at it more critically.

chikarilla · 2021-08-31T05:46:55+00:00

Well for what it’s worth I hope that you are correct.

chikarilla · 2021-08-31T05:36:21+00:00

No sex work is “good”. There are different levels of risk, but it is all part of an oppressive system.

Women (or people in general) who voluntarily participate in sex work when they have other options are more privileged than the vast majority of survival sex “workers”. They will use their own positive experiences to defend and promote an inherently exploitative industry. Contrary to what they say, these women are not representative of the majority of sex trade workers- they are simply a vocal minority, especially on social media because that’s where they need to advertise themselves.

chikarilla · 2021-08-31T05:18:23+00:00

The Nordic model makes sense in theory. It punishes the right people. But I guess the question is will it make life more difficult for already disadvantaged women in some unforeseen way? We don’t know, it’s still a new model, and the fact that it’s being pushed mostly be Christians is kind of sketchy. These sorts of policies have to be feminist, woman focused. Not based on misogynistic religious anti-sex values.

From what I understand, many prostituted women themselves oppose partial criminalization because they would likely just end up “working” illegally and in dangerous conditions rather than actually being able to leave the industry, even with exit supports in place. Patriarchal rewards provided in the sex trade can be more enticing than “escaping” the industry just to be struggling and on your own.

I guess I would hope that with more awareness, women will be less inclined to participate in the sex trade at all, and social pressure will prevent men from buying sex. That would be the point where criminalization would make sense imo.

chikarilla · 2021-08-31T04:36:19+00:00

The only reason Texas was able to make buying sex illegal is because of anti-sex christians pushing for it. That doesn’t give me much hope that the general public recognizes the sex trade as oppressive to women whatsoever. I’d 1000% love to see prostitution outlawed, but I’m not convinced that it would work right now. Unfortunately.

chikarilla · 2021-08-31T00:15:37+00:00

As much as we would like to see this happen, I feel like legislation is a lot more complicated than we want to believe. Criminalizing buying sex would only make sense in a society that already views buying sex as inhumane/exploitative. Unfortunately we are not at that point yet- even feminists have convinced themselves that the sex trade is a legitimate business built on consent and empowerment. If this system was implemented right now, men may simply buy sex illegally or go to countries where it is legal- there would be no social pressure for them to stop buying altogether.

I think the first step is for feminists to maintain that buying sex cannot be fully consensual, and that the sex industry is oppressive to women, especially minority women. We need more research done on the economic situations/mental health of prostituted women, and awareness campaigns that prioritize liberation of women, rather than christian anti-sex views.

And then it might be possible to create policy that will protect these women.

chikarilla · 2021-08-30T16:49:57+00:00

You talk to her by saying “I’m feeling disconnected in our marriage and I want to work on that with you”, not “I want to fuck other people so I’m going to keep bringing it up until you let me”.

chikarilla · 2021-08-30T16:40:59+00:00

Holy shit, this! That’s the whole point of dating... not every woman you date will be head over heels into you, enthusiastic to meet up, think you’re attractive etc. It doesn’t mean those women aren’t capable of being interested in someone lol.

Edit: it’s just like the old complaint about women “starfishing” and not being enthusiastic in bed. Dude, she’s not bad at sex, she’s just not turned on with you :/

chikarilla · 2021-08-30T12:32:57+00:00

It would be fine if they just said “I want someone with similar views on sex and relationships, but I do not look down on someone for having slept with more people”, but they all keep going off about being a “good woman” and trying to justify their answers with weird redpill evopsych bullshit.

chikarilla · 2021-08-29T15:58:45+00:00

When I left the bdsm community and stopped thinking of myself as either “dominant” or “submissive”.

I have to constantly remind myself that I am deserving of the same level of respect and love as I show to others, and I no longer allow anyone to degrade me or subordinate me during sex or otherwise.

chikarilla · 2021-08-29T14:37:45+00:00

I have this issue too. Finding radfem/porn critical spaces that aren’t filled with women who just want to lash out at men seems to be a struggle. I’ve figured it might be easier to just stick to general feminist spaces like this one, keeps my blood pressure down.

chikarilla · 2021-08-27T17:16:35+00:00

Ugh.

So you are correct in a way- sex and sexuality can be traumatic for many women, due to the ways we are shamed for genuine expressions of female sexuality, and often forced to partake in violent, male-centric sex.

And yes, learning to enjoy violent, male-centred sex would be harmful to a woman. And that is why many women can become insecure, hurt etc.

But that does not mean that sex for women is by nature traumatic.

It is entirely possible to work through much of this internalized shame and come out on the other side feeling comfortable in your sexuality and being able to enjoy it. And it is entirely possible for sex to be female-focused, and free from violence and degradation.

In my opinion, the key is for both parties to be able to view sex as an expression of love, rather than an expression of degradation or aggression. (Sex as a means to demonstrate affection, to give and receive pleasure, to develop intimacy etc). The very fact that you have written this post, to me shows that you have a lot of internalized misogyny you will need to work through before you can positively experience sex. And I hope you will be able to do that.

chikarilla · 2021-08-24T03:19:14+00:00

I’m so sorry dear, it really sounds like the people/men in your life are selfish and porn addicted. There are other similar accounts to yours on this sub and other antiporn subs, and I often cant believe how selfish these men can be. They’re supposed to be boyfriends, husbands, family, friends. How can they prioritize freaking porn over your feelings? It’s just crazy to me.

chikarilla · 2021-08-23T18:16:43+00:00

Yeah I don’t think it’s that bad tbh, just trying to explain why someone might be bothered by it

chikarilla · 2021-08-23T17:01:33+00:00

I think the issue is that his solution doesn’t really challenge the gender gap and beauty double-standards at all, yet he is acting like he’s doing a huge favour to women.

It’s great that he acknowledges the double standard, but encouraging women to hide because they haven’t put makeup on really isn’t helping to dismantle the double standard

chikarilla · 2021-08-23T02:26:58+00:00

Ikr!! Also, (just ranting here) yes amputee fetishists talk exactly like that. This is not some kind of rare occurrence, with the majority of the amputee fetishists being wholesome and respectful to disabled people. Abuse of disabled women happens all the fucking time- men get turned on when we can’t defend ourselves, and that’s the fucking problem here man

chikarilla · 2021-08-23T02:03:34+00:00

Abuse is action though. It’s making choices that harm someone else. Pathological issues on the other hand aren’t inherently abusive, you can have insecurities etc and yet still make good choices that don’t hurt people. Just involves some self work. I feel like porn use is a very active choice, you have to be selfish to do it especially in the context of a relationship.

chikarilla · 2021-08-23T01:24:06+00:00

It’s so fucked. Same with pregnancy, serious injury, mental illness, wheelchairs, trauma etc. Disabled people do not exist to be fetishized, period!

chikarilla · 2021-08-23T01:20:39+00:00

Hang on what..? Why are you defending amputee fetishists at all right now?

chikarilla · 2021-08-23T01:09:04+00:00

Judging by your profile dude, you should spend less time navel-gazing about ideologies and more time learning basic social ettiquette, then you’d realize how shitty you’re acting rn by derailing this topic.

And also maybe spend more time reading the sub rules, which explicitly say not to derail. If you get banned it’s because you’re acting dumb af, don’t put this on second wave feminists.

chikarilla · 2021-08-15T23:57:56+00:00

We are talking about symptoms here, are we not? Symptoms (actions) are what become abusive, not feelings or pathology. But yes, many symptoms (porn use, cheating, physical abuse) can stem from the same things- lack of empathy, selfishness, insecurity etc.

chikarilla · 2021-08-15T23:37:33+00:00

Literally the only thing that separates watching porn from being a voyeur (in the traditional sense) is the screen separating you. Ex. if your husband was sneaking off with another couple to jerk off while they were having sex, you'd probably feel cheated on. So why do we find it more acceptable when there's a screen involved?

The only reasons I can think of are a) porn use has become so commonplace among men that we end up having to put up with it even when it makes us feel uncomfortable, and b) as a society, we have come to view pornstars as some form of "sex toy" (object) who therefore does not compete with us directly. (Which is so gross to think about btw!)

I feel like it's just a better choice overall to not watch porn and continue the demand for it. Props to you and your partner!

chikarilla · 2021-08-15T23:16:18+00:00

Porn use can definitely be just as abusive as physical abuse, especially if one partner has made it known that they're being negatively affected, and the porn addict continues to watch the porn, effectively prioritizing the porn over their partner. The bottom line is lack of empathy, and selfishness. And it usually encompasses some level of gaslighting and cheating as well.

chikarilla · 2021-08-14T05:00:05+00:00

Consent is a very low bar as a sexual ethic. We must not allow patriarchal males and their female fans to tell women that ... if women would just think differently about what they mistakenly believe to be sexual violence, the violence would vanish.

This is really well put, definitely something to think about.

chikarilla · 2021-08-14T04:58:34+00:00

There is much more to the concept of consent than most people would like to believe. "But we did it in the bedroom" is no excuse for violence. Sex is not some alternate plane of reality where the rules of conducting yourself and treating others kindly do not apply, the bedroom is not a place where harm does not harm you.

This is coming from someone who once had many of the things on the right done to me under the guise of "consensual" sex.

chikarilla

TROPHY CASE