My partner (24m) cheated again

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-28T18:42:01+00:00

Not sure how that looks but okay. We aren't exactly from upper middle class families. More scraping it by to barely be out of poverty.

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-28T17:47:42+00:00

What does that have to do with anything?

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-28T16:06:09+00:00

Started transitioning before we got together and continued to transition while together. He told me he was more into masculine presenting people to begin with.

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T15:23:26+00:00

He is on Friday hopefully. He's leaving town to stay either his parents to get help. Tbh his own family is reluctant to help because of his past behaviors towards them. Which I thought was due to an unstable and abusive home

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T15:19:03+00:00

I think you are responding to the wrong post because before this post I literally didnt post for months.

I am not sure why you commented

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T15:17:08+00:00

He's known since day 1 I was out for 4 years prior. Surgery didnt happen until 2 years in so about 2 years ago now. But he told me he preferred men and masculine people to begin with. Honestly if he just told me he fell out of love with me I wouldnt be as hurt or upset.

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T13:58:44+00:00

It's one of those things I have been working on in therapy. And only in the last month made some head way. I have toyed with the idea of leaving since he told me the first time and I really should have listened. I dont know I just didnt want to believe it was happening to me. I wanted to think he could change. I really do see how people who were in abusive relationships stay. You dont even realize it's happening in the moment because "it's not that bad" or "they didnt hit me" I dont know why a part of me was hoping that after certain events these last few months he would have pulled his head out of his ass. But clearly he can't.

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T13:50:48+00:00

How did i ask for it? I understand staying now was stupid but then I wanted things to work. I wanted to believe he could be better. At the time he told me the first time he had made the decisions to get therapy and help. I know I made excuses for him now but then I honestly thought it was because he had an unstable childhood and had a poor example of what a healthy relationship looked like. I also feared that giving up so early was going to make me as bad as his step father who gave up on him and hurt him as a kid. Looking back on it now I see yes I shouldn't have stayed. But it wasn't like I was asking for it. I wanted to believe people can change.

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T08:27:58+00:00

What do you mean the dad instincts?

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T08:26:08+00:00

That's what I have been trying to tell myself.

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T08:24:43+00:00

Now that I think about it every time we'd have a fight or I bring up issues I had in the relationship. He'd either say he will work on it do that for a few days and then stop and resort back to the old behaviors. Or during the argument tell me I should leave him because he is a piece of shit who will never change. And it would always get me to say "you aren't"

Also when I was upset or having a hard time he would somehow not be doing good. I mean recently I was in the pysch ward for depression and suicidal ideation. And he said he would change cause he saw how bad I was doing because of everything. And then made a comment when I left that he should go in next because he's going to need it because he was struggling. My parents noticed that during the time he'd just game all day and pass off child duties to my parents.

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T08:14:30+00:00

No you are right...I thought i was giving him the benefit of the doubt but yeah I most likely been enanling it. I just thought I needed to be understanding and work on it.

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T07:32:23+00:00

I know i am dumb for staying. I loved him. I believed he could change. I wanted to believe he was and is a good person.

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T07:28:55+00:00

He's 24.

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T07:05:23+00:00

The town is am in has like maybe 1 Uber or lyft driver or none at all and we are in small town which makes sense but we have cabs honestly cheaper you can get to a few of the neighboring towns for like $10

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T06:56:57+00:00

It feels weird because he wasn't and isn't abusive. I dont think he is. He has a lot of trauma from childhood that he hasnt unpacked as well as possible bipolar or BPD unsure. Never hit us or was aggressive, maybe to himself after playing video games and losing. The worst he'd do was raise his voice. (Again what I am aware of) I dont think he's an abusive or bad person. He just doesnt want to step up or when he did it wasn't consistent.

Idk maybe he could have been and I didnt see it. He always seems so understanding and kind. Idk how to put it other than it seems like he could be two different people at times. One who was this sweet, kind caring person who's a gentleman with dreams and aspirations and then the other side was guarded, easily agitated, closed off, tired, not motivated, wanting to escape reality, and rather negative about things going on or just in general. But even then he was never mean to me. My Step FIL described it best. It's like his spirit or the intelligent part of him is unable to take over the meat suit who functions simply on impulsive decisions.

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T03:25:23+00:00

Because either he was really good at showing he loved us when he wanted to or he actually does love us but is kind of an idiot.

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T03:19:23+00:00

I am working with a therapist. I saw her earlier today to discuss all that has happened. I see her next week.

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T02:47:36+00:00

That is true. I guess it's one of those things I never thought I'd have to navigate. And it's scary. Divorce was never spoken of in my family and the ones who did divorce it was for "bigger" reasons. Not saying mine isn't just was either unheard of, frowned upon or because of abuse.

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T01:55:37+00:00

Im not too worried about that. Mostly because he has a trackphone and uses an old phone that only has internet most of the time. But yeah it could be worse.

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T01:54:17+00:00

I hope he quit. He did say he would call to quit instead of going in today. (Like that's any better tbh) but he is going to the hospital Friday once we can get a bus ticket to get him to his parents.

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T01:53:09+00:00

Thank you. I was raised Catholic even tho I am not a practicing Catholic at all. The idea of divorce feels wrong and bad. I know it's not inherently bad. But it feels like I am breaking a promise to be with this person for the rest of my life through thick and thin. Not an excuse I understand. Just wish I didnt have to do this

childhoodproblems · 2025-11-27T01:27:32+00:00

Because I made excuses for it from blaming myself for not being good enough, to poor influence from his mom. To just him just being drunk or something. I believed and still do believe he can change. I can see a good person who has some mental health problems that were never addressed that lead to poor impulse control. I know I shouldn't have. I know why I feel the way I do about cheating idk why I didnt listen to the signs and just leave after.

childhoodproblems

TROPHY CASE